Daughter makes inappropriate moaning nosies - how to make her stop

[Gambino1726]

My daughter makes a loud moaning noise. This is really embarrassing noise, similar to someone “in the act” I find it hard to explain to her not to do it. I also ask please please be gentle with the advice. She says the kids do it at school, and I am 99.9% she has not been exposed to harmful content online, but at weekends she on kids YouTube, and I am not supervising her every second she’s on it. Please don’t judge me! I am a single parent and sometimes I just need to crack on and she wants to chill!

So when she’s playing either in a group or on her own and playing around, she sometimes makes this very loud, moan noise. The moan is akin to a sex noise. If you’ve ever seen that meme that goes around people’s phones where they ask you to turn the volume up and then suddenly a woman screams/moans really loud, she does something similar

I’ve repeatedly told her not to make this noise, she says her friends do it at school and it’s funny, and I’ve told her it’s a rude sound and mustn’t be done.

How far to I say “hey, it’s a sex noise”? They have just done sex-ed in school but of course they don’t know about the noises adults make.

I find it extremely grating and simple can’t tolerate it. How do I make her stop/and explain why not to use this noise?

Went round my son's school, he's 8, we gave it short shrift and my friend told her son it was an extremely rude noise like swearing or spitting on someone and it absolutely had to stop. So we all followed suit, they all got the same story. School banned it and all was good. Cants eem to stop the bottle flipping though 😬

And not disciplining them is neglectful.

Its not about making a noise. It is about showing signs of inappropriate sexualisation. You are trying to explain to your defiant 9 year old why it is inappropriate for her to make sex noises in the way that she is. One of those reasons is that signs of sexualisation in children can be indicative of sexual abuse. What do you do when a child seems at risk of sexual abuse? You safeguard them by removing them from any potential threats.

Yes mine started doing this.
So I started doing the same while lining up at the school gate with them and their friends.
They soon stopped. Apparently when I do it’s embarrassing. Double standards.

I know a child showing sexual behaviours is a sign of abuse but OP knows how her child heard it. Besides if a child was being abused is trying to scare it or threaten to take it away from the family home really a suitable safeguarding measure. If I had a relative abusing me as a child and i thought if I tell someone they’ll take me away from mum and dad I’d never say a word to anyone.

Imagine being so worried that you'll upset your child you let them walk around making sex noises so they still like you.

This is just so extreme and silly. I work in this field. This would be nowhere near the threshold for investigation, let alone removal. OP, hope you get through to your daughter , it’s maddening !

She is asking for advice on how to deal with it, she’s not being neglectful. She’s on it.

It isnt about what the OP knows. I know the child isn't being abused. It is about what other adults responsible for safeguarding the child may think. Those adults have to be aware that mum may permit this to happen so feel the need to get the child away from her, too. Especially if it has been going on for months and mum won't do anything to stop it.

Genuinely feel sorry for your kids if you have any.

Letting daughter know that as she is showing signs of abuse, the authorities may investigate and remove her will get through in no time.

How many hours a weekend is she on you tube? Even kids youtube can let inappropriate things leak in.

Just do whatever you'd do if she shouted "Fuck!"

WTAF? Why on earth would you make that into a scary thing FFS?

I wouldnt get to this point with my kids because once I told them it is inappropriate and to stop, they'd listen to me. That is because they've been raised to comply with our directives like children should be and I am not starting a thread asking how to get my 9 year old to stop making sex noises in public.

Your kids are crying out for structure and discipline. Please give it to them. Your meed to be liked isnt more important than their future as decent humans.

No one on the thread is suggesting the OP allows it to continue they’re just not suggesting wildly in appropriate and abusive methods of discipline.

Plus your advice could wildly backfire if used on a child who is desperately seeking adult attention or is neurodiverse. Putting such an idea into their head that could destroy the lives of a family member. You have no idea how some child’s mind might run with such a suggestion and how they might decide to play that out.

Discipline yes, but what your suggesting is not discipline it’s poorly thought out and actually quite lazy parenting to jump to fear based and abusive methods of controlling your child.

Because a child making sex noises is a scary thing. It is indicative of them being inappropriately sexualised by adults or older children.

Good idea.

The thread is getting completely derailed. I don’t understand why people engage.

At 9 she knows what the noises are! You might be able to punish her out of making the noises at home, but its the msking them in school /public when you aren't there that is the greater issue!
I agree with the eye rolling and 'are ypu still on that?'

Lett8ng your child know that authorities responsible for the safeguarding of children may want to investigate if she shows signs of being abused isnt abusive. It's such a shame that you refuse to teach your child the realities of the world and the consequences of their actions.

If your child walks around acting overly sexualised, people will assume someone is sexually abusing them and you allow it or are blind to it. That is the real world
.at worst the child will always remember the time they behaved in sexually inappropriate ways and were given a shock which let them know why they can't act that way. That lesson should stay with them for life.

You seem very fixed on repeatedly talking about children being sexually abused. I’m beginning to think your posts are a little more sinister than they initially appear so will report.

This trend hit my kids school also.
First time I explained it was inappropriate and to stop.
Second time I said to knock it off or no more YouTube.
Last time I took away the YouTube app and funnily enough they managed to stop after a day.

Oh, my son went through this! He’s 11 now. Other kids would make the noise at school and laugh, and he was just copying them. Had no idea what it meant, hadn’t seen anything inappropriate.

I just told him why it was inappropriate, he was embarrassed and stopped and has never done it again.

It did worry me because of where it’s come from at school and what the kid who started it has been exposed to, but not a lot I can do about that.

Just tell her it’s a grown up noise, an inappropriate noise and you don’t like it, you don’t want to hear it again. If she does it again, tell her off?! Discipline her. No screens etc. Just as you would if she kept swearing and wouldn’t stop.

I believe you want a cookie. Well done. Here it is 🍪

DO NOT DO THIS!!!