Daughter makes inappropriate moaning nosies - how to make her stop

[Gambino1726]

My daughter makes a loud moaning noise. This is really embarrassing noise, similar to someone “in the act” I find it hard to explain to her not to do it. I also ask please please be gentle with the advice. She says the kids do it at school, and I am 99.9% she has not been exposed to harmful content online, but at weekends she on kids YouTube, and I am not supervising her every second she’s on it. Please don’t judge me! I am a single parent and sometimes I just need to crack on and she wants to chill!

So when she’s playing either in a group or on her own and playing around, she sometimes makes this very loud, moan noise. The moan is akin to a sex noise. If you’ve ever seen that meme that goes around people’s phones where they ask you to turn the volume up and then suddenly a woman screams/moans really loud, she does something similar

I’ve repeatedly told her not to make this noise, she says her friends do it at school and it’s funny, and I’ve told her it’s a rude sound and mustn’t be done.

How far to I say “hey, it’s a sex noise”? They have just done sex-ed in school but of course they don’t know about the noises adults make.

I find it extremely grating and simple can’t tolerate it. How do I make her stop/and explain why not to use this noise?

No they really arent. One of the signs if a child being sexually abused is sexualised behaviour. That is just safeguarding 101. If you display signs that you are being sexually abused, then hopefully safguarding measures will kick in.

Emotional and behavioural indicators include:
displaying sexualised behaviour or having sexual knowledge that’s inappropriate or problematic for their stage of development

https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/child-abuse-and-neglect/child-sexual-abuse#article-top

Bizarre. I wouldn’t accept my kid ignoring my request to stop and the iPad or whatever would be gone for a while each time it happened. She’ll get the message.

I agree with this.

My son is younger so thank God I haven’t encountered this. I find it really depressing it’s even a thing.

Love that. Thank you👆🏽

Yeah dont do it if you still want your kid making orgasm sounds to young children in the park. Let them and wait until someone else reports it to the social services.

OP I’d just treat this like you would any other scenario where your DC is ignoring you and give them an appropriate consequence. Whether you want to go further in explaining why it’s inappropriate is up to you but on a basic level you’ve given your child an instruction and their not listening to you.

The trouble with rewards and punishment is that they don’t actually change behaviour. They just make good behaviour performative and bad behaviour secretive. So taking away YouTube won’t stop her doing it, she’ll just not do it around you. She does need to understand why it’s inappropriate and how it impacts you and people around her when she does it. I think a good honest and blunt conversation about it would help.

On another note, I still think you should stop letting her on YouTube, but not as a punishment. Even if the kid-controls work as they should and no dodgy content gets through, it’s still so incredibly bad for their brains and you’re doing her huge disservice letting her scroll through it unsupervised. Studies have shown that traditional TV isn’t as bad for them as YouTube and other short form content, so I’m not even saying no screens at all, but YouTube should really only be used as a tool to look for specific videos on specific topics, not just mindless, unsupervised scrolling.

We all know the signs to look out for but the guidance id designed for adults to use and respond to not to scare and threaten children with

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My son started doing this, he said a friend was doing it in his class. I firmly and angrily told him it was inappropriate and rude. I also had some children in my class do it too (around 8 years old) A lot of children are watching YouTube reels, and are not being monitored by adults. My son was watching YouTube reels once, and I was in the same room. A lot of the content is really inappropriate and I told him that he either has to watch YouTube kids or search for appropriate content, which I consent on.

It isnt a threat and yes you should be scared that if you display signs that you are being abused, safeguarding measures will kick in. If not for you, then for any dependents. This is the real world. That is how our society screens for Bad Shit. We look out for signs and then escalate it to relevant authorities.

erm, respectfully no. I won’t be jumping to that over some silly sounds. She’s doing it once a week or so, no moaning and grinding on regular basis.

besides, there have been some feedback from teachers here who say it was a ‘trend’ from 2025 and this sort of fits.

some people have made some excellent next step solutions which I will try next including removal of iPad and a sterner talking about listening

And this is why she is still doing it. It isnt silly sounds. They are sexualised sounds. She is showing signs of early and inappropriate sexualisation.

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Yuk! Your comment is pretty creepy! 🤮Following me around.

My lodger is a nurse and is wonderful presence in our house. Don’t know why you think that’s important? Creep

Yep. Definitely just keep repeating this. At age 9 they've had basic facts of life conversations at school so they will understand. You can water it down to "this is the noise people make when they make babies" if you are really worried. But definitely just ensure she understands.

I remember using some swear words at that age and my Dad made me look them up in the dictionary and said :use the word if you must but every time you do just remember what it means". Very effective !

Mine are 9 and 11 and both went through a very small stage of making those types of noises ( i shut it down ) .....its definetly come from school. I still hear a child do it every now and then. I don't think there's anything you can do but be very stern that she is to stop doing it

It is a thing even in year 8, my kids tell me, and they were equally upset to find out that it is a having sex noise and immediately filed it under "ugh it's another one of those things the awful annoying kids do!!" As I said upthread they know what sex is so it was easy to explain - but it actually led to a rather funny conversation during which I was able to impart some knowledge about some additional sex things without making a fuss about it. DD (younger) asked why people made noises and I said it was partly that sex can be a bit energetic like doing exercise, which was a new thought and quite a funny/weird one to them all. One asked what jizz was as she had heard someone say it and we talked calmly about the mechanics of the sperm getting out... she was utterly horrified. DS obviously knew (interesting to me as it told me something about where he's at) but also played along that it wasn't something he knew.

I can't see how anyone could not have these open convos with their children. To me the most difficult thing to convey to tweens while protecting their innocence in terms of their own physical stage of development, is conveying that sex is a pleasurable feeling without being so directive that you encourage them to experiment or think about it too much. Sex is one of those things you're either utterly yucked out by or drawn to and I won't "flick the switch" too early with mine from one state to the other!

The poster saying "treat it as you would if they said Fuck!!" isn't quite right I think. If they say fuck you should say this is something that upsets lots of adults and young children and isn't suitable for most situations, and if you use it you might get in trouble and people will think you don't know how to behave. But it isn't inherently unsuitable for a 9 year old to know a strong taboo word exists, and even to use it if they want to in a safe home setting, free from the actual meaning of the word. Mine tend not to use it but to giggle about it. While conversely it is unsuitable for a 9 year old to have an embodied knowledge that adult sexual pleasure exists and to make the noises, in any circumstance.

Anyone desperate to exude their negativity or flaunt how wonderful they think they are, essentially to kick others when they are down deserve the validation cookie!

Here. You deserve one too 🍪

lets play your scenario out then. You successfully scare a 9 year old with horror stories of how these evens lead you to be removed from the safety of your family home. They stop making silly noises because the treat of being removed worked. At 13 years old though they find themselves in a situation with an adult that they are incredibly uncomfortable with. Do you think that 13 year old girls going to feel safe reporting it immediately or do you think they’ll stay quiet for fear of being dragged out if their safe and loving family home?!?!!

Mini blondes is 9. She hasn’t made this noise. Thankfully - and I haven’t heard any kids at school do it

but either way. Your dd is doing something that is annoying and inappropriate and ignoring you so consequences needed

ban all tv phone iPad etc for 24hrs if need be @Gambino1726

Yeah it’s a thing. My kid heard it off another boy at school, I told him very sternly not to do it again he hasn’t.

Maybe! But it’s more than likely no.

So let’s focus on the 99.9% while we keep in mind the 0.01% and behave like rational adults who aren’t going to jump to the conclusion that all children have been graped by an uncle due to a sound they made ☺️

As always Mumsnet has become shamefully turned into a complete battleground of twisted opinions spewed as facts, the usual desperado, bored mums wanting validation with their shitty two cents who cover the small voices of those who are wise, intelligent and wonderful humans beings. I thank these people.

I don’t know why mumsnet has become this awful toxic place. For anyone who said “GET HER OFF YOUTUBE” I say to you “GET OFF MUMSNET” because you’re all twisted and obsessed when you are the trolls of this site!

And to those of you who “know” my daughter has been r*ped by her uncle/dad/your husband, really you have gone too far. Shame on you.

Thank you to everyone else who has contributed in a sincere, wise and non confrontational way.

What would you do if she kept swearing?

I don’t see why the punishment would be less for this than swearing.

I would tell her it’s an inappropriate sound like a swear word.
Tell her if it happens again X will happen (eg iPad taken for the rest of the day).
Then tell her if it happens again Y will happen.
And increase the punishments.

I would bd stomping this out asap.
I know someone with Tourette’s and it’s his thing his does all of the time.
You don’t want it to become any form of habit.

I would be very concerned about where she’s picking these sounds up from.
There needs to be parental controls on her iPad.

I would report it to school too so they can have an assembly and stomp it out.