Daughter makes inappropriate moaning nosies - how to make her stop

[Gambino1726]

My daughter makes a loud moaning noise. This is really embarrassing noise, similar to someone “in the act” I find it hard to explain to her not to do it. I also ask please please be gentle with the advice. She says the kids do it at school, and I am 99.9% she has not been exposed to harmful content online, but at weekends she on kids YouTube, and I am not supervising her every second she’s on it. Please don’t judge me! I am a single parent and sometimes I just need to crack on and she wants to chill!

So when she’s playing either in a group or on her own and playing around, she sometimes makes this very loud, moan noise. The moan is akin to a sex noise. If you’ve ever seen that meme that goes around people’s phones where they ask you to turn the volume up and then suddenly a woman screams/moans really loud, she does something similar

I’ve repeatedly told her not to make this noise, she says her friends do it at school and it’s funny, and I’ve told her it’s a rude sound and mustn’t be done.

How far to I say “hey, it’s a sex noise”? They have just done sex-ed in school but of course they don’t know about the noises adults make.

I find it extremely grating and simple can’t tolerate it. How do I make her stop/and explain why not to use this noise?

This isn't a no screens scenario. You need to shock and scare her. You should tell her that the police and the people who look after children will likely think her dad or other male relatives have been doing inappropriate things to her and teaching her to do things that she shouldnt be doing with them and will need to take her to a different house while they make sure she is safe at home.

Me too! I told Year 10 that if my 5 year old knew ‘6-7’ it was definitely over!

My son started doing this when he started year 7, he said all the kids at school did it. It was so weird, thank god it didn’t last long!

Agree with this. We were given the talk at school, sperm meets egg etc… Of course we’d already seen & heard things before age 10. Most of which we thought was funny, but there was games of doctors & nurses as well. Folk are naive to think kids don’t do this… I’m talking about 40 years ago!

Nowadays people are handing their kids devices with direct access to material far more disturbing than anything we ever saw. Something flashed up on our TV screen last week that I managed to switch quickly but DS laughed when he saw it, so now he has seen it. Won’t be long for him & his mates…

Um… Perhaps not?!

That's horrible and humiliating re the doctors

Dd clearly doesn't understand the context of the noise she is making

My child did similar at that age. I told him some people might find the noise inappropriate. He grew out of it after a month or two.

I’d come down on this like a tonne of bricks.

I get that it’s like six seven in that kids think it’s funny but faking orgasms and sex noises are not like six seven either in that it’s not harmless nonsense.

Thats a bit extreme. OP doesn’t want to explain to a 9 year old that she’s making a sex noise so jumping straight in with the police will thing your dad, grandad, uncles , etc could be paedophiles is a bit much!!

Can you just treat it as you would if she were swearing, or using some kind of slur? She doesn't need to understand in great detail exactly why it's wrong, just that it's rude, she's been asked not to do it, and there will be consequences of she continues. And follow through. The fact that her friends/classmates do it shouldn't be relevant.

I hope this poster hasn’t got any kids of their own!!

It isnt extreme. She's tried telling her to stop and she won't listen. Next she needs to tell her why it is inappropriate. A child showing sexual behaviours is a red flag for sexual abuse. The people that are most likely to sexually abuse her are her male relatives. If they suspect that to be the case and it isnt just one potential abuser to rule out, they will remove the child from the home to investigate.

Yeah my 10 year old has been doing it 🙈 . I just said ‘you know that sounds like the noise people make they’re having sex don’t you?’ That was enough to make him stop, mostly. He’s doing it out of habit a bit though, but then keep stopping himself and saying sorry. It’s horrible isn’t it? X

WTF?? 🤣🤣🤣

She needs to be humiliated for it because this isnt like the 67 thing as someone else said. She is essentially copying the type of behaviour a sexually abused child might show.

Utterly ridiculous advice. So bad in fact I think your children need safeguarding! Honestly you think introducing her to the idea of being sexually abused by her dad and threatening that she will be removed from her home is good parenting? Fuck me you’re unhinged!

I would certainly be coming down on her hard and screen time would be out the window. I used to remove DS Xbox as a consequence and told him he got to choose when he got it back by coming to me and explaining and showing he understood exactly why it was removed in the first place.

Humiliating your children is abuse. Honestly, pick up a book.

It is so sad to read this, not having a go at you OP, just the state of the world. I would tell her what is is & tell her you are recording it next time she does it, to take to the doctor to whom she can explain why she is unable to stop. What does her Father do ehen she does it, if he is involved?

Yes if a child shows inappropriate sexualised behaviour, it may be a sign that they are being sexually abused. To safeguard a child, they will remove them while they investigate unless they can protect them from the potential abuser. As in this case there would likely be more than one potential abuser, they'd remove the child into foster care.

Right!

You tell a 9yo to stop doing something and they ignore you or argue back, you repeat the instruction with a threatened consequence. If they ignore you a second time, implement the consequence.

Basic parenting, it doesn't matter what the 'thing' is.

This is mental. Social services would not remove a child based on them making a noise! There’d need to be other evidence of abuse.

And this is why we have children who wont listen to their parents and dont give a shit about them at all.

No explaining to your child that as she is showing signs that she is either neurodiverse or being sexually abused, the doctor is the next point of call isn't too humiliating or abuse. The child won't respect her mother telling her not to do it and insists on making sex sounds in public. Mild humiliation about it being discussed withba doctor is nothing in comparison to that. Nothing but a good lesson learned.

Children need us to raise them. They dont need adults who are so worried about being liked by them, they raise awful adults.

Tell me you don’t know anything about safeguarding procedure without telling me you don’t know anything about safeguarding procedures.

Actually by your logic the OP’s child IS showing signs of potential sexual abuse so surely she should be treated as a victim at this point and actual safeguarding measures should be triggered which I’m certain doesn’t involve telling the child you suspect her dad or family meme we has been touching her inappropriately and she must now go to foster care?

Honestly have a word with yourself!

My DC did this different noises.

they’d just gone through sex ed too.

so I was very blunt and said that’s the noise that people make when they’re making babies. Are you making babies?

the look on their faces as they linked it all together then assume I must’ve made that noise when I was making them. Absolutely priceless, clearly ‘traumatic’ as they’ve never done it since.

yes embarrassment and discomfort works. But you have to get it right to not publicly shame the kids.

It is really really simple, you tell her every time i hear that noise come out you, you lose internet for 1 month. And you stick to it no matter how many chores you have to do. If you are not firm she will walk all over you for the next 9 years.