Daughter makes inappropriate moaning nosies - how to make her stop

[Gambino1726]

My daughter makes a loud moaning noise. This is really embarrassing noise, similar to someone “in the act” I find it hard to explain to her not to do it. I also ask please please be gentle with the advice. She says the kids do it at school, and I am 99.9% she has not been exposed to harmful content online, but at weekends she on kids YouTube, and I am not supervising her every second she’s on it. Please don’t judge me! I am a single parent and sometimes I just need to crack on and she wants to chill!

So when she’s playing either in a group or on her own and playing around, she sometimes makes this very loud, moan noise. The moan is akin to a sex noise. If you’ve ever seen that meme that goes around people’s phones where they ask you to turn the volume up and then suddenly a woman screams/moans really loud, she does something similar

I’ve repeatedly told her not to make this noise, she says her friends do it at school and it’s funny, and I’ve told her it’s a rude sound and mustn’t be done.

How far to I say “hey, it’s a sex noise”? They have just done sex-ed in school but of course they don’t know about the noises adults make.

I find it extremely grating and simple can’t tolerate it. How do I make her stop/and explain why not to use this noise?

It seems it's been doing the rounds at some schools after reading this thread. Not necessarily coming straight from YouTube as a source.

Tell her it's not appropriate and if you were to do that noise at work you would be in serious trouble and probably lose your job

Also bring in sanctions eg keep making that sound = no screentime

Your child doesn’t need to have YouTube to chill. You can just block it and she can chill by watching iplayer etc. We have blocked it and the kids’ behaviour in general is much better.

Oh God I'm having a flashback I remember my dd doing something very inappropriate which was going round online at the time around 10 years ago on Waterloo fecking station of all places.

I clocked what she was doing and without even thinking screeched ' what the fuck do you think your playing at ?? Stop that right now'.

I think Dd was so shocked at me swearing at her and in public too she never did it again but I get you. It's like there's no escape even if we gave our kids no online access they'll still pick this shit up in the playground.

They’re not deliberately. To them it’s just a funny noise they’ve heard and are repeating

You firmly tell her to stop in a firm no nonsense voice.and the next time she does it there’ll be be a consequence, no YouTube, no iPad or whatever.

And she does this in front of your lodgers?

DS and friends (11-12) have made this sound on occasion when mucking about at our house, it started in year 6 and thankfully is petering off now they’re in secondary school. I ignored it as didn’t want it to become a thing.

Looks like it’s been a playground trend after reading this thread.

My 9 year old girl has been doing this too.

I cannot say to her that it’s a sex noise because she wouldn’t even know what that means.

The noise has circulated from YouTube. But she has just heard it from friends.

Every time she does it I just say “that is a horrible sound and I don’t want to hear you do it again”.

Yep, our year 6s are doing this.

I would remind her it’s a sex noise and if she continues you’re going to have the sex talk everytime. Children hate it when you talk about sex.

Very common. SS did this from about aged 8. He’s nearly 13 and he rarely does it now, but he did do it once the other day, I thought ffs not this again.

I’d tell her it’s a sex noise. Agree that embarrassment works!

That is gonna make her cringe so bad one day, that whole hoo yeah trend is the cringiest thing to become a thing. I'm SO glad I was a teen pre phones with cameras, worse I have is grainy pictures of me with my face painted like an angsty clown in my bedroom probably.

9 is old enough to sit her down and say that that noise, while popular with her friends, is so I appropriate, and explain its something grown ups do when they're in bed together and that little children shouldn't even know that sound let alone make it themselves. Make it serious, say if you hear that sound from her again she needs a timeout from her phone or wherever she's heard it.

Yeah its horrible, but it is/was a thing. My kids did it but have grown out if it now.

Ugh, my daughter did this for months when she was about 6, she heard it from older children who were friends of the family (who equally I don't think really understood).

It was hugely embarrassing & cringy but we tried to just ignore it & she got bored & moved onto the next thing eventually. I think it's quite common.

Gosh I have a DD this age and cannot imagine her doing this! I’d tell her to pack it in. She’ll have learnt that sperm gets to the egg at school, but not usually sex is in year 5. You probably want to be the one to tell her anyway, rather than school. So sit her down and tell her fully how babies are made, the noise she’s making is a noise made by the grown ups making a baby. And it’s just not appropriate for her to be making these noises. Any further making of such noises will result in her being told to pack it in and sent to her room/ sitting on bottom step of stairs/ time out…..

Given she’s 9, I’m assuming she does not have a phone or any access to YouTube via a tablet. If this isn’t the case obviously rectify.

Yep my 11 year has done it a few times. Apparently all his friends do it. I told him it’s inappropriate.

Really embarrass her when she does it. Tell her that those are private or intimate noises and it sounds like she has been doing inappropriate things with adults that might need investigating. Explain that making those noises around younger children may make it appear as if she is trying to teach them nasty things.

Link this to whatever youve been teaching her about consent and autonomy of her own body so she gets the message so she gets the message that this is serious and worrying.

At age 9 she’s definitely seen stuff…
Especially if any friends have phones.

Yep, I’m a teacher and this is a ‘thing’. It’s disgusting - I actually find it quite triggering, although as a teacher I obviously have to maintain the ever present outer calm and not show this - and hard to police as you can’t tell who is making it.
As a parent you can police it, and I think it would be a good idea to sanction if she does it again (no screens usually does the trick), and probably contact other parents too to have a united front. For me it goes beyond annoying and into disturbing.

I would definitely explain to her it’s a sex noise. I used to have to tell my dc what certain swear words meant as they seemed to be fascinated by them but they were always horrified when I told them.

As an aside, really surprised some 9 year olds don't know exactly what sex is, that grown ups do it, and that for grown ups it feels nice (even though the idea of it doesn't seem or sound nice for children). Why are you not teaching your children in a safe, matter of fact way about these concepts? Leaving the school to teach them in year 5??? A 9 year old who only knows vaguely that sperm meets egg? That sounds negligent to me. The benefit of them knowing already, without a big deal over it, is that you can easily explain why they shouldn't do the noises.

I would also say no YouTube if she keeps doing it.

I'd have just told mine they were making sex noises and to pack it in because if a busy body heard, they'd report the family to social services. If it happened again, loss of all privileges.