How to tell my mum breastfeeding my toddler is not her decision

[Runnermumof2]

Best way to express my response.
Hoping the mum's can help me out. My mum wants me to stop breastfeeding my 20month old. I have zero issues breastfeeding and happy to continue. He has dairy allergy so can't have cows milk and doesn't like soya milk, so at least I also know he is getting added nutrients this way.
She thinks it's stripping me of my nutrition and is making me too thin .
I am naturally a skinny person and currently about 5kgs under my pre pregnancy weight. Bmi of 21 (which is in the healthy category) She is overweight and has struggled with her weight her entire life, I'm not sure if that's relevant at all. My dad is tall and skinny like me.
She's going to call me to discuss it and I just wondered what your opinions on the best way to phrase it would be ? Basically- 'mind your own business, nothing to do with you, back off' But in a kind manner that doesn't make her upset.

Maybe say thanks for your concern, I appreciate you looking out for me, I'll make an appointment with the GP to discuss.
GP can confirm you are perfectly healthy and put your mum's mind at rest.

Just memorise the WHO advice...
"The World Health Organization (WHO) and the NHS recommend that mothers breastfeed their babies for up to 2 years of age or beyond, alongside complementary solid foods"

Then just say it on repeat every time she asks, and for every different reason she gives. She'll get bored eventually.

Aged 20 months, how much milk is he actually drinking? DS was just having a pre-bed feed at that age, so practically nothing in comparison to the rest of my calorie needs. Maybe 100-200kcal, easily made up by me eating a biscuit?

The mum's not worried about the toddler, she's worried about her daughter being thinner than before pregnancy.

YANBU. I breast fed mine until 2 and received similar comments. "Thanks for your concern but I'm a healthy weight and doing what I believe is best for my child."

I wouldn't be answering that phone call myself.

Hopefully she'd get the message.

Otherwise it would be 'Mum, I'm not discussing this. It is none of your business how I feed my child'

I do remember the constant 'are you STILL feeding' from my mother and MIL. It was very irritating but I never really responded to it - either ignored it or said something like 'clearly' (as it would always be when I was feeding my child)

I’d just be firm that it’s none of her business. I don’t think her being over weight is relevant, she’s being rude either way.

But in reality if OP wasn't slim, her mother would come up with a different reason that she should stop breastfeeding.
Some people just think it is wrong to feed older babies/ toddlers/ young children.

I wouldn't even agree to her "discussion ".
You are the parent, your child, your decision.
Nip this in the bud or she'll feel entitled to critique all your parenting choices.

I wouldn’t discuss this with her. Tell her it’s not up for debate.

'Thank you for your concern. I am a healthy weight. I am nurturing my baby (toddler).'
(and you could point out that it's not really any of her business)

As per MN, 'no' is a complete sentence.

You're an adult. You don't have to answer to your mother. You don't even have to take her phone calls.

Well, they do, but we don’t know if that’s the case here.

OP said her mother “thinks it's stripping me of my nutrition and is making me too thin”.

OP hasn’t mentioned any other reason for the objection.
That doesn’t mean there isn’t any, but it’s guesswork after that.

Her Mum is obviously worried about her daughter's health. I'm sure the WHI don't recommend ignoring your own child's health just because they've had a baby.

@Runnermumof2

She thinks it's stripping me of my nutrition and is making me too thin

do you look pale?
are your energy levels low?
how are your hair/skin?

BMI isn't everything & she's worried about YOU. She's not wittering in about it being 'Eww' or 'unnecessary to bf a walking child' she's worried about your health.

And some people don't, but do worry about their daughters health.

I honestly wouldn’t answer the phone. I wouldn’t entertain the idea for even a second that this is anything to do with her whatsoever.

Yes, not a lot. He does nursery full days half the week, so nothing on those days. Some days he is at it all the time, but then it is very hot just now so I'm not surprised.

OP is a grown woman. Clearly her mother has made her feelings known already. She’s raised her concerns. Now she has to back off.

My mother is the same, she thinks it's the reason I'm so tired or whatever. I told her I'd be 100 million times more tired if I had to rock him to sleep every night or have to get a cup of milk for him in the morning. The boob solves a lot of issues at this age.

I wouldn't answer the phone.

But her MUM is her parent & worried about her daughters health, you don't stop worrying when they have a baby, you worry more.

Just be non committal so “I see, I hear what you are saying, yes I can see that you think that and you are good to think of me, you are entitled to your opinion but I see this differently”. Don’t over explain that seldom works.

Then after you’ve let her have a bit of a hearing shut it down. “We are going around in circles, the conversation is not productive anymore, oh I hear the baby cry, chat to you next time”.

Just give her enough time to have let her have a say but don’t give ground on your own decisions. Don’t entertain the conversation again if you feel she is trying to force through her belief. It will not help to let her keep rehashing this.

It is not for others to decide our choices for us if we have our full faculties no matter how much they care about us.

Why not explain how you are ensuring you eat a healthy diet.

Echoing other posters, “mind your own business, back off” is fine. This is between you and your baby, and you ARE the expert on both of you. Same for co-sleeping, tv, potty training and all the million other things that people give unsolicited advice on.
I wish I’d said it more - would have saved me and my baby a lot of stress.

But shes told her already. Just because you’re someone mum doesn’t mean you can raise concerns again and again and again - I mean, yes if it’s something really serious you could but this doesn’t sound like something that warrants it. She’s said it, OP has heard her, OP thinks she’s fine, it’s not her mum’s place to insist she’s right and OP is wrong.

I think just explain it’s nothing to do with the feeding (which it won’t be as you’d burn more calories going for a brisk walk) and probably due to running around after a toddler!

Tell her your risk of breast cancer is reduced by 4.3% for every 12 months you breastfeed.