How to tell my mum breastfeeding my toddler is not her decision

[Runnermumof2]

Best way to express my response.
Hoping the mum's can help me out. My mum wants me to stop breastfeeding my 20month old. I have zero issues breastfeeding and happy to continue. He has dairy allergy so can't have cows milk and doesn't like soya milk, so at least I also know he is getting added nutrients this way.
She thinks it's stripping me of my nutrition and is making me too thin .
I am naturally a skinny person and currently about 5kgs under my pre pregnancy weight. Bmi of 21 (which is in the healthy category) She is overweight and has struggled with her weight her entire life, I'm not sure if that's relevant at all. My dad is tall and skinny like me.
She's going to call me to discuss it and I just wondered what your opinions on the best way to phrase it would be ? Basically- 'mind your own business, nothing to do with you, back off' But in a kind manner that doesn't make her upset.

I'd go with; 'mam, I love you and I appreciate you but this has nothing to do with you. I've looked into it and I've decided what I'm going to do. What shall we do for Christmas this year? I was thinking ...'

I would acknowledge her upset and say thanks for worrying about me. Explain you are a healthy weight and that there are benefits for you too like breast cancer risk . Remind her in the scale of things this is a short time and it won’t be forever. Explain it’s really important to you and baby that you continue and then be firm. You will be continuing and this is not up for negotiation. Hope you get on ok x

lol this makes me laugh. My MIL told me it was time to stop when my twins were 6 months. I could have told her a rehearsed line about covid immunity via breastmilk, and WHO recommending bf for 2 years. But I lost it in the moment and shouted (via Zoom as we were in the midst of Covid: “They’re my t*ts and they’re my babies so F@xk off!” Not my proudest moment but it sums it up pretty well. She has absolutely zero say over what you do with your boobs and your babies! Tell her the WHO guidelines.

Tell your mum you are at a very healthy BMI. You like feeding him and it’s recommended. I fed mine till 3. I must admit by then I’d really had enough because of the talking and being able to demand at times I didn’t always feel comfortable about. It got a bit silly for us and we turned it into a bit a joke. Also, be prepared for the weight pilling on. Start eating healthy low carb low sugar diet ready.

Well I think she needs to reassure her she’s at a healthy weight too or she won’t drop it.

"Look mum, I'm sure your intentions are good and that you're trying to help, but I am not willing to discuss this with you because it is my decision as to when it will be right to stop breastfeeding, and interventions from other people are really not helpful or necessary. My weight is perfectly healthy so there is no need for you to worry about that, and I would be really grateful if you could just accept and respect my wishes on this subject, even if you don't agree with my decisions."

Just tell her it's none of her business.he is your child and it's your decision how long to breastfeed him . You don't have to justify your decision.
My DD breastfed her children until they were about 4. I wouldn't have dreamt of telling her that I was going to phone her to discuss how long she should breastfeed!

“Thanks for your concern but it’s not your decision.”

There's usually 2 sides to every story. Maybe mum thinks the OP is looking thin drawn or scrawny. Maybe she's looking completely knackered and worn out. It's not a crime to be concerned about your child no matter what age they are.

I am not an advocate for breastfeeding- didn’t breastfeed mine and they are perfectly fine but in your case, you are healthy weight wise (perfectly ok for your mum to be worried about you). She is your mum and as you are worried about your child she is likely worried about hers! As your little one does have a diary allergy and doesn’t like soy milk, you are doing what is best for your child! Which is all that really matters! And that’s all she needs to know and you just do as are doing.

I was in the exact position as you with dairy allergy baby. He was slow to transition to solids and I wanted to bf him as he was (obvs) dairy free. My mum had views, didn’t believe in the dairy allergy despite severe eczema and blood in his stools etc. in the end the only thing that worked was my brother “having a word”. No idea what he said. The real issue was her own crappy experiences breastfeeding and the total lack of support in the 70s and 80s. The fact I was successfully feeding my happy toddler was salt in the wounds!

My DM wasn't around when I was when I was breastfeeding DS now 14, but she used to constantly say that mothers who breastfed toddlers were lazy. I breastfed DS 14 until he gave up naturally at 23 months. I told her this the first time she started the conversation, but it was a recurring theme for years. She didn't breastfeed me at all, so it's not as if I want to hear her opinion anyway.

"He's my son, not yours, it's not your decision", and then refuse to engage anymore.

It’s none of her business. You’re healthy and happy and so is your son, just tell her that.

I have heard your opinions and will consider them

(Then do whatever you want)

Please dont. You dont need a GP appt to tell your mum to mind her own business, we are quite busy enough as it is.
I guess you could ask your HV but to what end ? a note for your mum.
Frankly ridiculous suggestion.

It seems like faux concern though to me and just an excuse

I breastfed despite being hated for it pre 2000
I now have a grown son and grandchildren , very proud

They make their own choices for themselves
I will fully support them in any way I can
Stop listening to the "drip feed narrative"
live how it suits YOUR FAMILY and not "what THEY SAY!"
BE YOU and not what they say you should be
YOUR LIFE YOUR CHOICE!

Mum, we've been talking about my breasts for a while, I don't want this conversation to be all me, me, me, what's new with your breasts these days?

‘Okay, I appreciate your opinion’
then next time
’okay, I appreciate your opinion’
then next time
’okay, I appreciate your opinion’

just acknowledge she thinks that and change the subject - if she tries to continue it, let Her know you appreciate her opinion and move on. she’ll gets the picture. If you say it kindly then there’s no reason to argue about it.

Probably not a popular MN opinion but a 21 BMI is not even low - it's almost bang in the middle of healthy (the middle being 21.75). I'm sure OP looks absolutely fine.

I think that often when your child is that sort of age, loss of weight is because you spend lots of time running after your little one, sometimes sitting down to breastfeed is the only time during the day you get to rest. Are you cutting out allergens from your diet? I personally found that when I did that I lost weight because I was much more mindful of what I was eating, and I was doing much more cooking. So if it is lifestyle causing your healthy weight it's likely to be all the running around after an active toddler
Now if I was worried about my daughter and whether she wasn't thriving ( she is currently breastfeeding and I hope she keeps going until 2 and beyond it that's what they both want) I would ask her if she'd like me to do more things round the house for her, do her shopping, fill her fridge with tasty food that she likes and can eat. I'd ask if she'd like me to take baby out to the park so he could run off some energy and mum could put her feet up for a while. I'd ask if she'd like me to get some multi vitamins, not that you need them with a healthy diet. But it would reassure that you're getting everything you need.
An allergic baby can be pretty stressful, especially if your family isn't on board with your efforts, don't believe that allergies exist, that just a little bit won't hurt....been there, done that, although it was my ILs that were like that.
A BMI of 21 is slap bang in the middle of a healthy weight, I'd be delighted if mine was 21.

😂🤣 this.

I suspect the DM doesn’t want her DD to breastfeed a toddler as she thinks it’s weird. She can’t say that as she knows she wrong so is latching on to a faux concern about weight. Which might be reasonable if the OP were anorexic but given that’s she within a healthy range BMI, it’s clearly not the case.

Say “don’t be ridiculous, mum” and engage no further.

Brilliant! 😂

Lol if she’s iron deficient or needs to eat more then that’s different.
op isnt going to suddenly put on weight if she stops breastfeeding.