How to tell my mum breastfeeding my toddler is not her decision

[Runnermumof2]

Best way to express my response.
Hoping the mum's can help me out. My mum wants me to stop breastfeeding my 20month old. I have zero issues breastfeeding and happy to continue. He has dairy allergy so can't have cows milk and doesn't like soya milk, so at least I also know he is getting added nutrients this way.
She thinks it's stripping me of my nutrition and is making me too thin .
I am naturally a skinny person and currently about 5kgs under my pre pregnancy weight. Bmi of 21 (which is in the healthy category) She is overweight and has struggled with her weight her entire life, I'm not sure if that's relevant at all. My dad is tall and skinny like me.
She's going to call me to discuss it and I just wondered what your opinions on the best way to phrase it would be ? Basically- 'mind your own business, nothing to do with you, back off' But in a kind manner that doesn't make her upset.

Sometimes parents of grown children forget that their child is actually a grown adult with different opinions to them. And they think their child needs to be told what to do, as if they were still 6 years old..
It's important that these parents of adults realise this and don't alienate (a bit of a strong word) their adult children by being overbearing.

Your an adult.
You don't have to discuss anything, you do this want to, that includes your Mum.

I'd tell her that you appreciate her concern for you but that you've done loads of research and will continue to breastfeed until DC self weens. After that I'd tell her that you've discussed it already and you won't be stopping until DC self weans.

She's going to call me to discuss it

Why on Earth are you allowing your DM to make an appointment for a phone call to discuss something that’s none of her business? I mean this in a nice way, but how has she got the idea that that’s in any way appropriate? Has she been allowed to overstep over the years? If so, you need to make a conscious and firm effort to share very little with her. You also need to worry less about ‘upsetting’ her.

Say “Mum, I don’t wish to discuss this. It’s none of your business, nor is my weight. My BMI is perfectly healthy and I’m fine and eating well. DC breastfeeding isn’t in any way affecting my weight and it’s bizarre you’re fixated on this. Stress can affect weight though, and you’re really stressing me going on and on about this. Please don’t mention it again.”

It starts in F, and it ends in F.
If you, your child, and healthcare professionals are aligned on what’s best for your child. She should mine her own business.

People got weird about me still breastfeeding after the first year. They made it seem somehow pervy. I stopped around 18 months and I'm not too sure if they had gotten into my head or not when I decided to. I doubt the reasons she gives are the real ones, some people just really don't like it.

I like the suggestion to brush it off with you'll talk to your GP.

Discussing it with GP is a waste of a GP appt
I wouldn't be answering the phone and when I did I'd be telling DM not to raise it again
So what of she gets upset
She is happy upsetting OP

Just text her ‘no need to call or discuss - it’s not your body, your breasts or your child so it’s not your decision. Stop trying to imply that there is something wrong with me when I am following WHO and SACN recommendations to breastfeed to two years.’

Well two things to consider Mum, the WHO recommends feeding until two years of age and my BMI is bang on at 21. So currently things are going well.

When he’s two I’ll reevaluate things. But whilst he’s happy, I’m happy, we’re all good.

A text to say "mum, thanks for your concern about me in relation to bf, but I really don't think I need a phone call to discuss this. I'm feeling well. If I start to feel unwell at all I promise I'll get to the GP.. Hope all well with you etc."

You haven't said more about your relationship with your mum, so it's hard to gauge exactly where she's coming from. If she continues to push it... I think it's ok to shut it down more firmly.

‘Call me to discuss it’
could never be me, absolutely no discussion would be happening about me feeding my baby

Your body, your choice.
You're doing the best thing for your child and should be proud of that

my passive aggressive response would be I am so glad you called to discuss my health as I’ve been concerned about yours and insert something innocuous she does in but then I used to make the joke about it depending which uni DD went to and if it was more than a bus ride away we would probably stop then! (She self weaned at 4.5yrs and after around 2 MiL and Mum stopped asking!)

Calling you to discuss it? Good grief. Tell her it’s none of her business and to stop bringing it up! Your body, your child.

"Mum I am not going to discuss this again. I know you are concerned but its my decision. I love you but that is enough." Rinse and repeat.

I'd be answering every concern she raises with something along the lines of "thank you so much for letting me know, I'll talk my GP about that". Repeated every time. And no, of course I wouldn't volunteer any information to her about any conversations I may or may not actually have had with my GP about it, but if she asked I'd be saying "thank you so much for asking, Dr ActuallyHasAMedicalQualification says this is the right thing to be doing".

She'll get bored of the topic eventually.

Not quite right. The WHO recommends breastfeeding “until two years or beyond”

There’s no need to stop at 2yrs if you don’t want to.

“I know you don’t understand why I’m not actively weaning, but I don’t want to discuss it with you, thank you for your concern”

Repeat.

If she says she wants to understand, send her links but don’t try to explain it yourself.

Don't discuss it with her, you're not obliged to! I had the odd family member comment about me bfing my ds as he approached 2yo. Told them I'm quite hapoy, tvm and didn't entertain any more discussions about it. Ended up stopping when he was nearly 4yo.

If she mentions it again, let her know a quick google search will let her know that a few feeds a day will not strip of any nutrients.

Your boobs, your baby, your choice.

I would just text back “no discussion needed the answer is no im not stopping breastfeeding no matter what you say, my body, my child, my life”

Assuming (as you've not indicated otherwise) that your mum is basically a nice person and is just concerned, I'd probably say 'it's ok, I checked with my GP and my weight is fine'.

When the child becomes an adult, she takes responsibility for her own health. Your worry is your problem to manage. If you keep bothering your daughter about it, she is more likely to be irritated than grateful.

I mean government guidance suggest breastfeeding until 2 and beyond.
it’s no body’s choice but yours and your toddlers so I’d just say I hear your opinion mum, unfortunately it’s not your body, so not your decision. And would prefer your support instead

Use words and tell her.
she doesn’t have to like it.
You’re an adult.