How can I stop my nine-year-old secretly taking sweets at home?

[oliversmummy26]

My son (will be 9 in August) has been helping himself to sweets and chocolates from around the home for a long time.

Initially it was Christmas chocolates (quality street/Celebrations etc.) he will have a nibble and then hide the wrapper somewhere in the house - behind the sofa, TV, under his bed etc. He clearly knows this is not acceptable behavior or he wouldn't hide the evidence, but just will not stop.

He's now moved on to snacks from the lunchbox basket (kitkats, brunch bars etc.) and today my husband has found evidence of him eating chocolate chips and sprinkles from my baking cupboard!

There have been consequences every time we find a wrapper hoard (early nights, cancelled playdates, no screentime etc.) but nothing seems to work. We have tried explaining to him that the chances are, when he asks for something he can likely have it, but he's up earlier than anyone else in the house and seems unable to control himself! I have also even said to him to just put the wrappers in the bin, we're less likely to find them!

We don't have much sweet stuff in the house, at this time of year when there are no christmas or easter chocolates around, it's just the usual lunchbox bits. I don't want to not have them in the house as that would punish everyone else and there is no where I can hide these things where he can't reach!

Just wondered if anyone else's children have a similar habit and if you've managed to stop them? I'm thinking the punishment this time will be no sweet snacks at school for a week, but no idea if that will work!

Funnily enough I was just watching a programme on television the other day that had nutritionists talking about how sporty children need more sugar, especially before and during a game and that we have been so worried about sugar intake we have gone to far the other way.

Exactly this. Having certain foods as ‘special’ or off limits or for only certain times makes him feel like he’s breaking rules and more likely to do it and also breeds disordered eating.

Food should be completely varied, including sweet treats, all in moderation, but there shouldn’t be any weird rules. (I’m not saying you should feed him all ‘junk’ food - obviously keep things as healthy as possible but part of having a healthy mindset around food is to allow sweet treats and to not set up rules and guilt around them else they seem forbidden and more appealing.)

We have a snack drawer on the house that is accessible 24/7 to anyone who lives at house or visits. The kids freely help themselves. My only rule is don’t spoil your dinner. In the drawer we have instant oat pots, packets of crisps, mini breadsticks, noodle pots, some chocolate, sweets. We also keep fruit in the house. Sandwiches for bread, lunch meat, tuna etc.

Instead of punishing him have you asked him if he’s not getting enough in his main meals ? Maybe he’s genuinely hungry. I have two boys in my home and they can eat.

Are you sure there’s nowhere he can’t reach them? My mum had a wicker basket that she kept on top of the kitchen cupboards when we were younger, and we laugh as she still has it now, and keeps chocolate in it. My sister and I are in our 30s and don’t live at home anymore but habit means mum still keeps it there. Even as adults, we all have to stand on our tip toes to reach it.

In my house, two of us are poor at controlling our sweet tooth so we don’t buy multi packs of biscuits/chocolate, we buy the amount we will eat in an evening occasionally. It’s hard for some people to understand but your son might benefit from that kind of help, at least for now. Could you review what is going in the lunchboxes so it doesn’t include food your son will steal, then find a routine that involves buying the irresistible treat foods for immediate consumption a couple of times a week? And maybe just accept that during December, your son will have a daily early morning blood sugar spike!

Thanks for this I’ll have a look. It’s been quite reassuring reading some of the responses as we are also in the process of having her assessed for ADHD. Our oldest was diagnosed about 5 years ago but it was quite obvious from a very young age. But the boy vs girl presentation of them both is wildly different. Her impulsiveness and lack of awareness is a huge factor in us getting her assessed and I haven’t linked the sugar thing with that.

I used to do this as a child and drove my Mum Mad lol. The only thing i would say is if its not excessive have a box for him that includes things he can eat when you are not around to ask - so a few choc biccies, mini haribo, ordinary biscuits and maybe some satsumas, or nice fruit avail not just apples and bananas

I used to do this and continued to do so in my teens. I just enjoyed having a treat without someone watching me or clocking how much I ate, just a little quiet treat for me.

I also used to use my allowance to buy a chocolate bar after school sometimes and eat it alone on my way home.

If there were no treats to take, it was no issue, I wasn't hungry or something. So just stop buying so many.

I'm a healthy size 8-10, no food issues. I still do it. Nothing beats a chocolate when my son and DH are out of the house 😂

I will probably get roasted for this but I can’t believe a lot of these answers.

I don’t think there is any need for anyone to have sweets/chocolate/cakes routinely in the house. Sugar is bad for you. No wonder there is an obesity epidemic!
My children grew up without these things in the house and they don’t have them in their houses either. They certainly didn’t feel they missed out and guess what everyone is a healthy weight.
Of course as a treat (a few times a year) you can have sweet things but routinely buying sweet things with your weekly shop is not on and neither is home baking if it involves sugar all the time.

I used to do it. Interestingly I don’t have a sweet tooth as an adult! Mind you crisps weren’t safe 😂
lock the cupboard.

Surely you just don’t buy them? Or is that too simple. The temptation is too great, just don’t have them in the house and the problem has gone!

Poor boy. He takes a sweet and has to hide the wrapper ?And wanting a snack.
Wait till he is about 12. He will need food…..
Choclate is addictive but taking a nibble, and a few sweets at Christmas doesn’t sound like a problem.
Having to hide the wrappers because you do is.

My initial thought was to wonder whether you are being too restrictive around snacks and treats? It doesn’t really sound like it from what you’ve said but being too restrictive could make it seem taboo and therefore even more desirable.
Is he genuinely hungry and in need of high protein healthy snacks to keep him fuller for longer?
Could it be stress/comfort eating?

Unlimited access to frozen fruit (mainly raspberries, mango and peach slices) is the only thing which stopped my very small, very skinny teen from eating the ‘forbidden fruit’ aka sugary shite! Just to add, sugar is addictive, I know people argue and say it isn’t, but I think there is more evidence to show it leads to cravings.

Lots of possibilities.

1. Children's growth is not linear and at growth spurt times hunger can be uncontrollable - 'sweet treats' are calorie dense and so particularly desirable at this time.
2. Sensory seeking behaviour - there may be something soothing/relaxing about eating particular foods that your child needs at this moment. Sometimes the chewing motion, like a baby sucking is soothing in itself.
3. There are strong links to ADHD and ASD and binge eating - as others have said - sometimes impulse control, sometimes sensory.
4. Struggling to control behaviour - really wanting something (the food) and not being able to delay gratification.
5. Trying to assert independence over food - not wanting to have to ask or negotiate as they don't quite have the communication skills to explain or justify why they want the food.

I really wouldn't punish this. I would try and explore the underlying possibilities - they are not likely to understand themselves so you could suggest ways of managing the urge to eat the foods - can they delay it, could they try chewing on a sensory toy (or gum) instead, could they try drinking water.

Make it clear what food is freely available to them and explain why you limit the other foods.

If they have pocket money, then suggest they use this if they are really wanting a sweet treat so that other family members don't get cross with them - this allows independence and also makes them consider how much they want the food, allowing delayed gratification.

Does he have adhd ? My son does this ( I too as a child) he’s constantly looking for dopamine and if it’s not met through his gaming or phone then he’s straight on to food (boredom dopamine seeking) it’s quite common with adhd kids, do you think that could be a possibility? Also hiding the evidence is part of the thrill/rush of doing something he knows could get caught at - my sons 13 and it’s harder as they get older because I can’t monitor everything he eats but we actively talk about health and looking for other dopamine hitters rather than food/sweets etc - worth a thought x

Catching up on this and really despair. Who’s the boss in your houses? Do you want unhealthy kids? No. It’s our job as parents to over ride commercialism, get healthy habits started as early as possible to equip the kids to live their best lives long after we’ve gone! It’s cheaper, can be great fun and simply a better way to LIVE!!

Got a lockable food box from Amazon because DD would do similar. We don't often have sweets or chocolate but she would get into baking supplies..

I would get individual boxes for everyone in the house and dole out the treats, including lunchbox items, after you've done the food shop for the week. Your DS can then choose when he has the items in his box, but if he eats them too quickly, then he'll have to take a 'boring' snack like an apple to school instead of something more interesting. But he's absolutely not allowed to touch the items in other people's boxes.

I think you are in danger of making your kid feel shame and make these things more alluring because they are forbidden. I definitely wouldn't punish them. I would:
Have a drawer of fruit, nuts, limited sugary snacks and protein based foods and say they can help themselves whenever they want, and keep it stocked up.

I'd significantly increase protein in all meals ( I mean double it even) and reduce refined carbs.

I'd try and be curious rather than angry/ punitive about what was going on for them- are they having cravings? Do they feel in control of what's going on? Do they feel better or worse after eating the sugar?

If you find wrappers or evidence of a 'raid', don't confront until you've regulated and stopped being cross.

It might be that this is activating something in your, as it seems like quite a string response. Most people have some shame about food/ disordered eating somewhere in their past, could be worth talking ti a friend who knows you well and you cam open up to about it.

I think you spelled your username wrong 😂

Yes, it is bad for you and it is addictive and drug-like for some people - just like alcohol is addictive for some but not others. However, just like you wouldn't allow a drug addict to go cold turkey (i.e. without methodone), neither is that a good idea for a kid (or adult) who is completely addicted to sugar. I realise that sounds like a crazy comparison but believe me for those of us who have sensitive biochemistry and are hopelessly addicted, it can feel like coming of a drug. You obviously don't fall in to that category judging by your answer and good for you, I'm very envious, but sadly we're not all the same. It's better to focus on increasing ("good") food intake - as some kids/adults don't want to eat real food, just sugary treats - so best to focus on decent meals which include some form of protein and complex carb and also to incorporate high sugar fruits such as grapes, mango, watermelon as a substitute for sugar after the meal.....and if sugar is still craved, to move it to after mealtimes - which causes far less of a blood sugar spike. Please see www.radiantrecovery.com for the science for those of us who are not, sadly, like you and your family.

I hope you don’t mind me asking but is he overweight? I did this all the time as a kid. Would do the chocolate chip thing you described. I ended up morbidly obese by 16. Luckily I lost 16 stone with help from a gastric band. But I really wish my parents had addressed this when I was younger

Honestly, if he is not overweight, unhealthy and his teeth aren’t suffering I wouldn’t lose sleep. I did it and I was healthy - and so have most children I know.

I think reacting too strongly makes it more enticing. My mum told me that I was allowed one bag of crisps and one chocolate a day as a child - and that was great because it became a regular part of a balanced diet. It wasn’t made into a big deal. And most days I didn’t have that much as it wasn’t really restricted, so there was no fixation.

Just make sure he has alternative snacks available to him for when he gets up in the morning in case he is hungry.

I would just not even react in the moment of finding out he has stolen something, but just say ‘we put wrappers in the bin’ and have a non-confrontational conversation one day about the health consequences of having more than a small amount - weight, sugar and teeth. And also a conversation about impulse control that could benefit him for the future - but not necessarily linking it to this problem explicitly. And make sure he knows you struggle with impulse control too, in whatever area that is, so that he knows he is not bad.

The worst thing to do in my opinion is make it something that he needs to hide as then it becomes harder to control. And this is a great opportunity to help inculcate in him his own ability to self-control for when he is tempted later on in life with more serious things. This could actually be a really positive thing as you can build that part of his mind at this early stage, whilst he is still able to be impressioned by his parents.

Getting away with it and thrill?

Is he your son or your prisoner?

You've said you're healthy, so what's wrong with a few chocolates.

You've said he's not hungry but then he's up before everyone else, so must be moring, people eat breakfast when they get up.

Restricting certain foods contribute to eating disorders.