How can I stop my nine-year-old secretly taking sweets at home?

[oliversmummy26]

My son (will be 9 in August) has been helping himself to sweets and chocolates from around the home for a long time.

Initially it was Christmas chocolates (quality street/Celebrations etc.) he will have a nibble and then hide the wrapper somewhere in the house - behind the sofa, TV, under his bed etc. He clearly knows this is not acceptable behavior or he wouldn't hide the evidence, but just will not stop.

He's now moved on to snacks from the lunchbox basket (kitkats, brunch bars etc.) and today my husband has found evidence of him eating chocolate chips and sprinkles from my baking cupboard!

There have been consequences every time we find a wrapper hoard (early nights, cancelled playdates, no screentime etc.) but nothing seems to work. We have tried explaining to him that the chances are, when he asks for something he can likely have it, but he's up earlier than anyone else in the house and seems unable to control himself! I have also even said to him to just put the wrappers in the bin, we're less likely to find them!

We don't have much sweet stuff in the house, at this time of year when there are no christmas or easter chocolates around, it's just the usual lunchbox bits. I don't want to not have them in the house as that would punish everyone else and there is no where I can hide these things where he can't reach!

Just wondered if anyone else's children have a similar habit and if you've managed to stop them? I'm thinking the punishment this time will be no sweet snacks at school for a week, but no idea if that will work!

Put a lock on the cupboard?

Watching with interest as my 10yo daughter is exactly the same. I don’t know how to stop her!
Unfortunately the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, because I used to do it as a child (& never really stopped).

I haven’t experienced this as a parent, but as a child I used to steal sweet treats when I was about your son’s age. I remember getting an absolute roasting from my mum when I took some chocolate penguin bars and I hid down the side of the garden shed and ate them. She found the wrappers under the shed!
I think it was some kind of developmental phase. I haven’t gone on to be a thief or even a disordered eater. I wasn’t experiencing any kind of trauma or other behavioural problems. But I remember my parents being livid about it. And rightly so I suppose. I eventually just grew out of it. I think they ended up having to hide all the sweet treats at one point. I do still have an incredibly sweet tooth, and not great willpower around sweet things. I only need to be asked once if I want a biscuit!
Sorry I can’t be more help. I hope you are reassured he’s unlikely to turn into a rampant robber of sweet shops though!

Lockable box. Some people have an uncontrollable sweet tooth.

Those consequences don't work because they are not linked to eating the sweets but my major concern is that you are not addressing the cause - is he actually hungry and can he access more healthy food? I worry that those 'consequences' are enforcing that sweets/chocolate etc are banned items which only makes them more enticing. What does he actually say when you have a proper conversation about it? You don't need kitkats and brunch bars in a lunchbox, maybe this is a chance to look at your family diet overall - those are not foods that kids should be having daily.

I would loosen up on making some foods a special treat that's restricted because it makes it more desirable. Is he hungry? Can he make himself a snack of other food easily? Personally I don't limit any food at home. If it's around it's for eating. So nothing is particularly special or off limits so it's not seen as high value and my kids ignore the boring tin of biscuits by the kettle and always full bowl of fruit. I think making things treats restricted makes it hard not to sneak some when you get the opportunity. I still eat secret sweets occasionally because I wasn't allowed them as a child except for special occasions. I've tried to avoid making sweet food special.

To add, I don’t think the lock is the end of it but it stops the issue in its tracks (as long as he doesn’t know where the key is or what the code is). Once you’ve had a reset keep the lock but allow him to ask for treats and praise him if he’s being sensible and reacting well when told no, whilst allowing treats in moderation and offering alternatives such as fruit or cheese too. Also offer non-food alternatives when they ask for a treat - “no you had choc yesterday but I do have time to play a game with you / take you to the playground / do some craft now” etc.

My sister used to lock crisps and Pringles in the boot of her car so all the DC got some and not 1 boy gobbling down the lot. Obviously doesn't work with chocolate biscuits in the heat. I simply don't buy them. Teens given money and can buy what they please but I notice it very rarely seems to be chocolate whilst when I bought it at home it often all disappeared the same day.

Make sure he has sufficient food including a variety of 'banned' items.

Restricting a certain food type is a sure way to make your child want it even more.

Allow him to learn self regulation

I'm not sure that criticizing my family's eating habits when you don't know what these are is helpful. We are healthy eaters, always sit down together for an evening meal and he has plenty of access to healthy options. He is not hungry by any means. I suspect this is a bit of a thrill of getting away with something. When we talk about it, he can't tell my why he does it.

Yes, he can help himself to pretty much anything in the kitchen and makes his own breakfast most days. We don't really limit anything. He has a snack after school, usually a treat with some fruit or cheese/crackers.

I have a 14 year old who does exactly the same
He's still not clever enough either that if her puts wrappers in his bin or the downstairs paper bins we will know.
I hide them and go through periods of not buying any.
It's ridiculous
He also had access to healthy food, plenty of protein I think it's quite typical kid/teen behaviour

My son was like this.
i did everything, hid it, locked it away. Gave each dc specific boxes.
The only thing to work was not buying junk.
We dont have stuff like chocolate or crisps in our house.

Yes, from about the same age with DD2. We bought a locked box and used it for a few years but by the time she was 13ish we had stopped using it. She was recently diagnosed with ADHD and it's a dopamine and impulse control issue for her. She still overeats at times but she doesn't take food intended for other people any more.

My now 14 year old does it and has for years. He's diagnosed autistic and could be related. We eat well, sit down for meals, all other snacks/drinks fine for him to access. He loves fruit. But now our sweets and biscuits are in one lock box, we have a lock box in our freezer for lollies, and i'm considering one for crisps. He just takes it all, and it's not fair on the others (and not good for him). He's not overweight at all and generally eats ok.

Is he hungry? Put out more healthy snacks?

My 8 year old does it but we don't punish him. He seems to enjoy the secrecy and I don't want to make it a bigger thing

My 9 year old knows I have a good handle on how much chocolate we have and will notice it going down unexpectedly, so he will sneak spoonfuls of sugar or a squeeze of honey instead. I remember learning how to lever open the golden syrup tin when I was a kid.

i think complete restriction could cause a bad relationship with food.

what about having a box/tray/area where he has his daily/weekly snack allocation. 90% healthy and a few treats, then once they’re gone they’re gone until the next restock. You’re going to have to hide away the rest of the treats though, as they will just access it

Why have it in the house? Up protein at breakfast/lunch box. Toast and fruit after school. Pudding at weekends at the table after meals here. Ice cream/lollies when they ask from the freezer. If we get a box of chocolates whatever as a gift it’s shared or put in the next raffle.

can you simply not have them in the house?

Can you simply read the OP?

don't want to not have them in the house as that would punish everyone else and there is no where I can hide these things where he can't reach!

You lock them away. And don't talk about them. And hopefully give him a ration of a couple of sweets/chocolate a week at least. And supply plenty of healthier snacks that he can help himself to.

I know you've said you don't want to do this, but I'd just stop buying sweet stuff. OR put his 'allowance' of biscuits, etc. in an allotted place and lock the rest away. When he eats his stash, don't replace it until you next go shopping. Maybe he'll clock on eventually?

I did this too, though, and so did my siblings. We'd push the inner flaps down on a box of celebrations and top the chocolates out and take the ones we wanted without breaking the seal at the top. By the time my poor mum got to it there'd be only Mars left. We also ate the icing off cakes and the chocolate off the top of eclairs and drank all the calpol. Absolute monsters.

Thanks for your message, so pleased mine is not the only one!
My 14 year old is putting sugar in teas and coffees which I hate, as he uses all my baking sugar, I've tried hiding it, but he just finds it again!