How can I stop my nine-year-old secretly taking sweets at home?

[oliversmummy26]

My son (will be 9 in August) has been helping himself to sweets and chocolates from around the home for a long time.

Initially it was Christmas chocolates (quality street/Celebrations etc.) he will have a nibble and then hide the wrapper somewhere in the house - behind the sofa, TV, under his bed etc. He clearly knows this is not acceptable behavior or he wouldn't hide the evidence, but just will not stop.

He's now moved on to snacks from the lunchbox basket (kitkats, brunch bars etc.) and today my husband has found evidence of him eating chocolate chips and sprinkles from my baking cupboard!

There have been consequences every time we find a wrapper hoard (early nights, cancelled playdates, no screentime etc.) but nothing seems to work. We have tried explaining to him that the chances are, when he asks for something he can likely have it, but he's up earlier than anyone else in the house and seems unable to control himself! I have also even said to him to just put the wrappers in the bin, we're less likely to find them!

We don't have much sweet stuff in the house, at this time of year when there are no christmas or easter chocolates around, it's just the usual lunchbox bits. I don't want to not have them in the house as that would punish everyone else and there is no where I can hide these things where he can't reach!

Just wondered if anyone else's children have a similar habit and if you've managed to stop them? I'm thinking the punishment this time will be no sweet snacks at school for a week, but no idea if that will work!

Congrats on putting your kid on the path to a possible ED

My son went through a phase of this last year when he was just 9. It baffled me as we have almost no restrictions on food - lots of stuff, readily available, dessert after dinner… total opposite to how I was raised. I am very overweight and trying to break the cycle for my kids and my theory was that making things less desirable and mysterious would help. It did with my daughter but my son has a sweet tooth and struggles to self regulate

But the sneaking and hiding - I really think it’s a control thing, pushing boundaries etc. We talked to him about it lots, explained the reasons why he shouldn’t eat junk that often, lots of science as that’s his thing, but we never shamed him or locked things up or stopped having it around. It’s so important to me that my kids learn healthy eating instincts and I think restrictions are so difficult to manage. A year later and he’s either much better at it or it’s stopped. I’d guess it’s stopped as I regularly go through his room to tidy and sort his stuff and haven’t found anything in months.

I love this - I can remember being "poorly" to get calpol in the days before it was sugar free

Locking sweets in a box stops the behaviour (by force) but not the underlying urge sadly.....

I like this, I'll be having a chat with him after school one on one, nice and calm and see if we can get to the bottom of it. He's generally a good boy, will eat all his tea, rarely leaving the healthy stuff. We don't limit anything either, I think you're right, making it off limits would surely make him want it more. This is what baffles me so much, he can have most things and is never happier than when he has a whole watermelon or tub of strawberries to eat! Hopefully it's a phase and he will grow out of it.
I agree with punishments such as limiting screen time and earlier to bed not being helpful as they're not related to the "crime", so I think a total overhaul of lunchboxes might be in order. I also like the idea of him having his own tray of snacks available and once they're gone, they're gone

My son is older now but has always done this sort of thing. However, I also used to do it - I'd take whole packets of biscuits out of the tin and have them in my room. If my mum noticed she didn't actually bring it up.
I think the temptation is just too much for them - they know it's there and can't resist it. The solution for me was to hide it away at times, or just not buy much at once.
Edited to add - I wouldn't have a punishment though.

I was like this as a child ....and still am but eat in a certain way which helps curb my sweet tooth.
Please check out https://www.littlesugaraddicts.com/
It's not your child's fault s/he has a sweet tooth.....there is a biochemical urge driving this behaviour x

Believe me as someone who used to secretly eat as a child and still do sometimes as an adult, you need to chill right out about this.
You’re making food “good” or “bad” and shaming him for eating “bad” stuff.
Buy less unhealthy stuff, buy it and give everyone their share to eat whenever they want.
Hide some of it, lunchbox snacks and the like.
Make sure he is eating his meals and nutritious food first.
Make sure there are healthy snacks he can access in case he really is hungry

I used to nick and eat as much sugary food as I could when I was a child. It wasn't hunger, it was because I liked the taste. the only way to stop a child stealing such food is to stop having it in the house, I guess. your boy will probably take himself to the nearest shop and buy it there, as soon as he's allowed out on his own. I don't know what the answer is. I still love eating sugary food but I don't think I have an eating disorder.

Both my dc have done this and still do given the chance. I seem to remember I did it occasionally as a child and OH says he was terrible for this behaviour too. They are always allowed access to things like fruit, salad items and other healthy snacks and we have tried to teach them moderation regarding less healthy stuff and why too many sweets and crisps is bad for their health, but they have still been allowed that stuff nothing has really been off limits, maybe just not as much as they would like (one of my dc would eat crisps all the time if I let them). I think the temptation is just too much for them when they’re young and their brains are still developing. And seeing as both me and OH used to do it it’s no surprise they do too. You can teach them the long term consequences of too much sugar etc but it doesn’t really sink in as they don’t think long term in the same way adults do (and even adults can struggle with this too). I don’t think they do it out of hunger, it’s because they like the taste of those things more than anything.

What I found most frustrating about it was finding the wrappers hidden around the house, they don’t seem to realise that just putting it in the bin is far less obvious than hiding it somewhere! I would get more annoyed at finding rubbish hidden behind furniture than the actual act of them sneaking food, but I also found it annoying that they were taking more than their fair share of things and it was unfair on everyone else in the household and that we didn’t have an unlimited pot of money to buy snacks with so that was another angle I took with them.

We now keep all the less healthy/treat type snacks in our bedroom in a lock box and they have to ask to get something, more often than not they are allowed within reason. They can still have fruit etc whenever they like if they’re really hungry. This was after initially talking/telling them off about it repeatedly, they just couldn’t seem to help themselves. Things last a lot longer now, I think it’s a phase many kids go through. My dc aren’t blessed in the height department so I was also concerned about them gaining weight, although I never mentioned anything about weight it was always about health and sharing things fairly.

My son was like a human dustbin when he was younger always hungry even after he ate a full dinner with lots of veg.

I gave him a tin that was his and only his and put all the snacks that he chose in it but made him very aware that when they were gone that was it, he did not get to take anything else from the cupboards, took a few weeks to get it but it worked a treat for everyone in the house.

Not sure how this would work if he is eating the sprinkles and choc chips which would be in the baking cupboard.

Just out of interest have you had his blood sugars checked ?

Hide them in the washing machine/tumble dryer/oven...
Or...stop buying them. He's craving the sugar. Buy fruit

Been going through this with DC for years, now early teens. Punishments never worked. Having less treats or more treats never worked. It has caused so much stress in our house. Recently started therapy to get to the root cause. Therapist did wonder about ADHD, but too early for her to suggest a diagnosis. It’s a comfort and they’re not fully aware of what they’re doing. Read up about binge eating disorder.

Omg. Could have written this. We resorted to putting snacks in a lockable plastic box with combination lock. It’s very difficult! He’s 15 now but still eats everything in sight and is a complete skinnymalink!

I’m not sure punishments are the way to go, they’re clearly not working as he is continuing to take the sweets and hide the wrappers. He’ll continue despite the punishments but will get better at hiding them. He clearly feels some shame around eating these foods otherwise he wouldn’t be hiding evidence so I would think an approach of talking to him about it would be better. Discussing why he hides the wrappers, why you don’t want him eating too much, and coming up with an agreed compromise together. This is how eating disorders develop when someone has negative feelings or shame around food.

He's stealing because you are overly controlling over treats and he feels it's the only way he'll get them.

You say yourself 'we don't have much sweet stuff in the house'

If you treat things like forbidden fruit /contraband children crave it.

That's not to say children should be given anything they like as and when, of course you have to be a little careful over sweets and treats, but being overly restrictive leads to this sort of thing. A friend similarly avoids having much sweet stuff in the house and the few times there is anything her children are desperately sneaking it, they have also sneaked things from my cupboards when at my house sadly.

So long as he is a healthy weight for his height the easiest thing to do is just remove the restrictions.

I grew up in the sort of environment where every “extra” morsel of food had to be asked for. We were a family of six & mum would buy a six pack of yoghurts to last a week. Banning or limiting food (by making it a request only item) just creates the desire for it. I was constantly sneaking food as a child, even when I wasn’t hungry.

With my own DCs I promised myself years ago (before they were born) that nobody would have to ask for anything in our house food wise. I now have three healthy, slim adult children who don’t binge eat anything. Because they know they can just go & help themselves when they want to there has never been any need to sneak anything.

Cannot understand all this locking away business.. either dont have sweet treats in the house ( which solves the immediate issue but doesn’t teach self regulation) or have them but talk about what he can/cant eat but accept that the thrill of “sneaking” will sometimes be too strong to resist. None of this will mean he’ll be obese for life. Making it a big deal ,when you have sweet stuff in the house, is too confusing

How much sugar is he putting in? Some people like a teaspoon of sugar in a tea or coffee, plenty of adults up and down the country do this, I actually think it's pretty controlling if you are not allowing a 14 year old to choose to have a teaspoon of sugar in a cup of tea, within reason!

My sister did this all the way through to her twenties. She became very overweight - I think there was a lot of issues with food that she couldn’t really get a hold of.
She said she couldn’t relax/ forget about these foods knowing they were in the house and she wished my parents just wouldn’t buy them.

I was like this as a child. I had an insatiable sweet tooth. In fact I still do! But as an adult i make the choice not to have instant access to sweets and chocolate at home. If I buy a packet of biscuits I'll eat the lot in one go so I just very rarely buy them. I don't go without altogether as I'll make sweet puddings/cakes but always in small batches to limit my overeating. My diet now is otherwise extremely well balanced.

I was a very well behaved child who did what I was expected to at all times with one exception and that was sneaking sweet stuff. I just wanted it and ate it almost without noticing. I also ate very well at meal times so I definitely wasn't hungry.

I did get fat in my teens at which point I made a bit of effort to eat less.

My 9 year old does the same thing. Quite glad to hear I’m not the only one! We’ve tried everything to stop it, except locking it away. He has ADHD so we assumed it was part
of that. He has easier access to many other food (the chocolate requires him to get the step to reach the highest shelf). We have fruit, yoghurts, crackers and pain au chocolate which are all far more accessible and we’ve told him he can get anything like that. He also often eats raw pasta 🤷🏼‍♀️

This is an impulse control issue. Have sufficient freely available so start with a days ration and if he eats them all in 5 mins thats on him and build it up until he can manage a few day or a weeks worth. It helps later with money and other impulse issues we all get tempted by!
Until he can cope HIDE THEM! 😂

Is he getting enough to eat? My son eats far more than I do. So easy to assume they are full when their bodies are crying out for regular “grazing”.
My son often has 3-6 extras after a full meal! (Which followed a starter of veg sticks). I try to make the after dinner snacks protein and fibre rich eg brown toast or apple with peanut butter etc. I also prep breakfast to sit out on the table for when he wakes up. We also found hunger is more so when hasn’t been drinking enough fluids.
Could you also have some “healthy fun” options at the ready for him to choose from too eg popcorn (homemade - or we have a popcorn cup for the microwave); or fruit and nut with dark chocolate chip flapjacks (batch and freeze) or dark chocolate rice cakes or frozen smoothie mix? Boys will eat eat eat!

Yeah my 12 year old does this (he even eats the black treacle out of the tin). He’s growing super fast at the moment and while I try to direct him towards healthier protein-rich snacks - homous and carrot sticks, chunks of cheese, apple slices and peanut butter, cashew nuts etc - he still craves sugar. I remember being the same at his age and I think it’s a thing. Not sure what advice I can share!