How can I stop my nine-year-old secretly taking sweets at home?

[oliversmummy26]

My son (will be 9 in August) has been helping himself to sweets and chocolates from around the home for a long time.

Initially it was Christmas chocolates (quality street/Celebrations etc.) he will have a nibble and then hide the wrapper somewhere in the house - behind the sofa, TV, under his bed etc. He clearly knows this is not acceptable behavior or he wouldn't hide the evidence, but just will not stop.

He's now moved on to snacks from the lunchbox basket (kitkats, brunch bars etc.) and today my husband has found evidence of him eating chocolate chips and sprinkles from my baking cupboard!

There have been consequences every time we find a wrapper hoard (early nights, cancelled playdates, no screentime etc.) but nothing seems to work. We have tried explaining to him that the chances are, when he asks for something he can likely have it, but he's up earlier than anyone else in the house and seems unable to control himself! I have also even said to him to just put the wrappers in the bin, we're less likely to find them!

We don't have much sweet stuff in the house, at this time of year when there are no christmas or easter chocolates around, it's just the usual lunchbox bits. I don't want to not have them in the house as that would punish everyone else and there is no where I can hide these things where he can't reach!

Just wondered if anyone else's children have a similar habit and if you've managed to stop them? I'm thinking the punishment this time will be no sweet snacks at school for a week, but no idea if that will work!

He clearly knows this is not acceptable behavior or he wouldn't hide the evidence

Stuffing wrappers down the side of the sofa cushions is just typical 9 year old laziness. We have no restrictions and mine also did this. Honestly I have to think twice not to do that and I’m an adult. Put a bin beside the couch and get him to tidy up regularly and it might stick by the time he’s 40.

As for the sweet stuff, just buy less. When the snacks run out, they’re gone. We didn’t evolve to have impulse control around sugary snacks. The easiest way to keep the consumption within healthy limits is not up buy it.

It seems to me that part of the problem is designating sweet foods ‘treats’. He’s drawn to forbidden treats as unscheduled snacks. All food is just ‘food’, and as long as it’s stuff he likes, he can have a slice of toast or a handful of nuts or a banana as an unscheduled snack. That requires a bit of re-thinking your own and your family’s attitude as well, of course. It’s not going to work if you continue to send out the message that chocolate is a treat and savoury stuff and fruit is just food.

DD1 was prone to this. It helped to give her pocket money and a weekly ‘slot’ to buy sweets. It was predictable and reliable. She was in control. Both children had their own box and kept their own treats in it.

I’ve got a teenager with no impulse control (due to SEN) who can’t stop himself and then hides the evidence. He’s done it since he was little and is showing no signs of growing out of it.

We’ve had mouse infestations and all sorts from him hiding wrappers and discarded sweets he didn’t like. The best one was watching a line of ants forming a convoy to carry away some discarded biscuits he’d hidden behind the sofa. I even found 3 cans of opened but undrunk pop in his pants drawer last week which he was apparently “saving for later”.

I think as others have said the important thing is not to make him feel ashamed or guilty. Ours knows he can help himself to food anytime so we keep the kitchen well stocked with fruits, cheese, nuts and deli meat which he eats but doesn’t go mad for. I’ll also put a packet of chocolate biscuits in the fridge and tell him that’s it for the week and it’s up to him how he eats them. Crisps we keep hidden and get out a few packets at a time ditto biscuits and our treats live in our wardrobes. I learnt that the hard way when he got into a £30 bag of Lindor balls and thought it was strange there were only dark chocolates ones in there.

We had something similar with our two around that age. Not sweets, but sneaking screen time after bedtime. Same principle though—secret behavior usually means the rule feels unfair or impossible to them.

What helped us was switching from "no" to "yes, but with structure." Instead of no sweets at all, we put a small bowl in the kitchen they could help themselves to after school. Controlled portion, their choice of timing, no secrecy needed.

The sneaking stopped almost immediately. Turns out the rebellion was about autonomy, not the sweets.

With screen time we did something similar—negotiated limits together rather than imposing them. Same result. Less fighting, more compliance.

Might not work for every kid, but the autonomy angle was a game changer for ours.

Yes, things like grapes and mango are high in natural sugar and at least have some goodness - so that would make a good substitute for sweets op and should help your DC be able to reduce their sweetie intake (along with making sure that they are also filling up on sufficient protein, complex carbs). Good luck :)

I had three 1 year apart; feed them, make sure for those who wake early you have food ready to grab, zucchini, beet, carrot or banana muffins, pre made scrambled eggs. Along with 3 full meals and exercise. I didn’t stop them ever from eating any treat type snacks and simply bought more if needed.
not unusual for dh and I to have fresh baking coming out of the oven at 9pm knowing it would be all gone by 10am.

Is he looking for sugar fixes because his diet means he’s getting dips in his blood sugar? Maybe keep a food diary and check with an expert?

Sounds like he is hungry and likes sweet stuff. Educate him on what is healthy, lots of berries and more carbs at dinner.

I agree. The child obviously wants more sugar, as they tend to do. It's not a big deal. The feeling you get from eating watermelon is not the same as a chocolate bar. The fact he feels the need to hide wrappers suggests he knows he is doing something wrong or shameful. My DD had a friend who used to come to our house and steal sweets, she would literally put packets down her top. They were a no sweets household.
OP I'd let him buy his own sweets/chocolates per week and when it's gone it's gone.

It's more likely that children just prefer sweets/chocolates over berries and other fruit. The advertising, the peer pressure and....well, the taste.

This
Shouldn’t be having these items in packed lunches - your whole family would be far healthier with fruit if you really need sweet stuff.

If it bothers you that much either don’t buy them or only buy 7 a week and if he eats them all in the first two days then at least he’s having the equivalent to one a day by the end of the week.

My 8 year old is the same, even worse he takes the GF snacks that are for me and DD. I talk about it with him, the dentist talked about it with him (and made it clear how very bad constant grazing is for teeth) and DS understands and always commits to stopping but he lacks impulse control so carries on. I think I'm going to have to resort to locked boxes. I don't want him to end up with terrible teeth like me (doesn't matter that he brushes well twice a day, if he's eating too often so his teeth can't recover from acid attacks they will get damaged)

Don't have anything in the house that isn't an acceptable snack. There is no need to have chocolate bars for lunch boxes.

You need some alternative grabable snacks that don't require preparation and lots of them.

I really disagree with locking food away or having food that is off limits to some family members (unless it's a gift).

Add sugar to your regular shop if your DS wants sugar in his tea and coffee.

There’s such an obvious solution to this problem. Don’t buy them, so they don’t become a thing for him. That matters more than having them available for others.

My son started this when he was around 11. As someone who had an eating disorder we have been so careful not to stigmatise certain foods. There is no allure because they are restricted or bannned. We have never had restrictions on what type of foods you can eat, just a mindful approach to are you hungry? Dinner is soon, that’s probably enough for a portion, is there some left for everyone else? Etc.

What was really happening was a combination of undiagnosed ADHD and autism (pda profile), the effect on his mental health of masking these and a big transition to secondary school that he struggled with, further bullying and ongoing mental health challenges linked to school trauma. His ADHD seeks the dopamine he gets from taking these and eating them - the quick sugar hit. the lack of impulse control, the inability to wait for things. On the autism side, the anxiety around leaving some for later to find that someone else has eaten them and the lack of interoception to notice when his body is full/hungry/thirsty etc. lack of empathy on how this effects others. Still now I find he’s eaten half the shopping for the week and hidden the wrappers behind the sofa.

I’ve tried giving him his own limited stash - when it’s gone it’s gone approach. I’ve tried hiding things in different places, which works until he finds them. Limiting what we buy just results in him eating whatever is in the fridge, leaving us with no lunch for the next day, or meal for the evening. When the fridge is running low, he’ll cook stuff from the freezer - he’s quite a good cook actually but the mess he makes is unreal. He’ll even eat several bananas or a whole melon or box of grapes. Slightly better than a whole pack of yogurts or biscuits but just as frustrating for the rest of the family.
I have seriously wanted to put a lock on the kitchen door at night but that is not teaching him the right thing.
We don’t use food as reward (eg we’ve had a tough day, let’s go out for a meal/have an ice cream/need chocolate etc) and don’t model this ourselves either.
Shaming him about it isn’t going to work either. The natural consequence of literally a cheese sandwich and whatever is left for his lunchbox (as he’s eaten everything else) works in the moment.

The only thing that is going to work, I believe, is when he has an honest and personal goal to improve his fitness and respect his body. He’s working on this with a personal instructor in the gym at his amazing specialist school. ADHD meds worked too, when he took them, but he does not want to take these anymore and at 14, I believe he has the right to decide this himself, plus, I was finding he’d spat them out in his room and they are extortionate to pay for privately.

We have another child too, who whilst loves a sweet, it’s not an issue.

It is probably way more extreme than your situation but is a worry.

We have exactly this - I’ve just posted similar

Do you have other children in the house? A box per child and one for each parent. Top up on, say, Monday and it has to last a week.

They have the option of eating it all on Monday or spreading it out.

This changes what he is doing from taking from the cupboard to stealing. It might just be enough.

Don’t keep sweets and chocolate at home.

Flipping heck. First of all
you’re the adult. There is absolutely a place they can be put in your home where he can’t get them.

Second of all NEVER punish a child for their eating habits!!! Cancelling play dates is rediculous. You are shaming him for his urges, this can lead to secret eating or binge eating as an adult.

Cut out as much processed crap in your house and start making healthy snacks/baking healthy with him. Have a fruit bowl readily available if you haven’t.

If he keeps using it, get him to buy you some replacement from his own money.

Very interested in this as my daughter now 13 has been doing this for around 6-7 years. We’ve tried everything and she will take anything like sprinkles and cooking chocolate from the baking cupboard. It feels to me like some kind of sugar addiction and the more she’s done it the more she needs. Recently found she’s eaten her dad’s grenade bars 🥴 I’m going to make her an appointment at the drs if possible next week and see if they will check her bloods. Being the age she is now I’ve warned her about the more serious risks to this habit but nothing seems to make any difference whatsoever. No she’s not hungry she’s fed very well and we have an abundance of fruit and snacks she could choose but she chooses the sweet stuff even eating jars of Nutella. She’s fit and active playing rugby and other sports I just worry what could be happening on the inside. We’ve never made a deal of “good and bad” foods and always had snacks available. I don’t buy lots of sugary stuff as a habit and never have, just normal things like mini bags of biscuits or fruit roll ups etc. I don’t buy sugary cereal I think it’s unnecessary but she’s used my jar of caster sugar to add to her breakfast so now I don’t even have things to bake available. It’s exhausting.

If you think he has a sugar craving problem it may be worth getting his levels checked. You don't have to be diabetic to suffer low blood sugar levels. He's also old enough to talk about nutrition. I am no nutrition expert but some foods will help combat sugar cravings whereas the more sugar he eats the more addicted he will become. Is it just sweet things he craves?
Have you a slow cooker? You could Maybe put some rolled oats on the night before and at his age he could help himself to some porridge with honey. I wonder if he is waking up early hungry and that just sets the cycle for the day.
If it's just a behaviour problem maybe concentrate the issue on the stealing rather than the actual food if you are concerned about causing food issues.

The sneaking can be the issue rather than the food. A lot of primary school age children go through a stage of coveting. They take food or similar but its more about the power than the item. It may be as silly as a counter from a game from school. They actually want you to find out which is why they don't hide wrappers well. Or will actually show you what they have.