22-month-old refusing car seat despite changing seats, any suggestions?

[VT1388]

Help! My 22 month old is refusing to go in her car seat.

She was refusing her rear facing car seat so my husband and I got her a new forward facing seat about 6 weeks ago. Despite wanting to keep her rear facing for safety, we made the decision to change and she loved it. Didn’t have any issues for about 3-4 weeks.

Over the last 2 weeks she’s started to refuse to go in again. Whilst she’s advanced for her age and can speak well, she’s still a little too young to really talk so I have no idea why she hates it or try to reason with her.

She is also freakishly strong and I don’t want to hurt her trying to force her in to the seat

We have tried all the usual distractions and bribes with toys and foods and iPads etc. I’ve also tried to let her climb in herself. Nothing has worked and it’s stopping me from going out with the anxiety it’s causing.

Any suggestions would be gratefully received!

Is she associating her seat with a particular journey perhaps? Is there anyway someone can sit nxt to her seat? Would that might coax her in?

I am probably going to get shot down in flames, but I think there are situations where it is not only OK but necessary and responsible to physically restrain/assist a toddler.

Obviously you don't hurt them. But you can firmly strap her into a car seat. She may be strong, but you are stronger. This is not negotiable. Just like changing a nappy, putting on sunscreen, brushing teeth, not running into a busy road, not jumping into deep water without a life jacket on, etc etc - there are many things that toddlers want /don't want to do that are not in their best interests, it's up to you to do what needs to be done, using your hands and strength kindly but firmly when needed.

How can she refuse, she is two years old, she has no choice!

Don’t try to reason with a 2 year old, it’s pointless. Some things, like car seats, are non negotiable and it’s your responsibility to make that clear. Unless you are physically disabled, you are stronger - so put her into the seat.

Thank you. You’re the only one so far that has tried to helpfully make a suggestion. Unfortunately we’ve tried with Dada Nana and Grandad and even our dog but nothing has helped :(

She has immense strength and can make herself rigid. Yes, I’m stronger but I’m worried I’ll hurt her trying to not only get her hips down to sit but to then keep her from twisting or going rigid while I try and get the straps over her arms and buckled. It’s all too easy for people to say just do it you’re stronger than her but I’m scared of hurting her and I’m distressing her trying to wrestle with her. I needed tips not snarky judgement from people. So thank you for trying to help, I really appreciate it x

When they go rigid, tickling can help.

Otherwise allow longer to get in the car. Just sit with a book and ignore until she sits in it.

Bribes & consequences - if we get this shopping trip done quickly we will have time to play in the park later - oh such a shame you wouldn't get in the car seat now we don't have time for ....

Thank you so much!! She is super ticklish and it’s actually something we haven’t tried so I’ll definitely try this next time!! I don’t want to be a parent who just resorts to using force so this was really kind of you to suggest something that’s worked for you!! Have a great day x

DC1 never really got on with car seats until she was about 4. We just opted to use the car less and walk more, and use the bus and trains. We still got out and about loads. I think she preferred it as we could be face to face and interact.

Would you ‘refuse to use force’ if she was about to run into a road or take vital medicine?
People aren’t being sarky. They are pointing out that you are allowing a 2 year old to rule the roost.

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No of course not but there is a significant difference between my child running into a road or taking medication than just trying to get her into a car seat. I’m looking for advice though, not judgement on my parenting abilities. This group is supposed to be a safe place to seek help from other parents, to learn from each other. We’re meant to be helping lift each other up, not knock each other down.

I mean she’s 2.. just put her in the car seat?

Have you tried the happy song by imogen heap or any other music or nursery rhymes she likes whilst you put her in? My daughter goes mad for the hey duggee sound track

You are right to be cautious, I had a similar issue when my ds was a toddler and he pulled his neck badly on one occasion fighting against the car seat and then another time his hip. It was so bad we ended up just walking everywhere for about a year and he didn’t go in the car at all!

Thank you! We’ve resorted to the same, walking everywhere I can which, as a silver lining, has been great for the diet!! It’s just the 3 days a week that I work where I have to get her to nursery. They’re the non negotiable days where I don’t want to distress her (and me!) by battling!! Thank you for not judging, I’m really grateful!!

I came on to say that tickling really helps when they go rigid, but @TeenToTwenties beat me to it!

What car seats have you tried OP?

I’m 98% sure that every parent has at some point wrestled a screaming toddler into a car seat. Sometimes it just has to be done… you can still be kind and calm in your tone - keep talking to her “I’m sorry, I know you don’t like it, but we have to get in the car now”.

If she has a special cuddly toy or something you can talk about taking the toy out for a drive in the car for a bit of distraction “is Teddy going to sit in the front seat with mummy or is Teddy going to sit with you?” Etc. Let’s show Teddy how we strap you in.

But, at the end of the day if all the distraction and positive talking hasn’t worked, if you’ve said you’re going in the car, then you need to go in the car.

Ooh never heard of the happy song, I’ll look it up. I try singing her favourite songs but sometimes I don’t even know she can hear me over the screams lol

Thank you! We’ve taken her favourite toys but haven’t made a big thing about them coming with us and building it up! We’ll give this a try thank you!

People aren’t belittling your parenting skills OP. They’re are trying to point out to you that you are the parent. So parent.

She’s currently in the Joie I-irvana which she loved for about 3-4 weeks and then is hating again for some reason!

How about a car seat cover with a character she likes? I’ve seen them advertised with spaces for the straps etc but create a bit of fun?

would she like that? (Some also have waterproof backing so handy for accidents too)

A car seat is mandatory though. It’s the law so if you want her in a car, you have no choice.

She’s obviously dictating to
you and effectively having a tantrum about this legal requirement. You must, presumably not have stopped using the car?

I think many of us have experienced this and it’s hard to just push them in the seat when they go rigid! However are you ever going to get anywhere without her complying with the law?

Tickling can relax dc. Would a doll going into the seat first demonstrate good habits? Or another toy she loves? Obviously you must get through this so maybe start the routine much earlier? You won’t hurt her but you cannot have her controlling use of the car either. Most of us who live in the country cannot walk to shops, nursery, play areas or any services so we need dc to be in a car. You do have to suffer the tantrums and get through them or what will happen? In my case, it would be no food, no nursery and no life!