22-month-old refusing car seat despite changing seats, any suggestions?

[VT1388]

Help! My 22 month old is refusing to go in her car seat.

She was refusing her rear facing car seat so my husband and I got her a new forward facing seat about 6 weeks ago. Despite wanting to keep her rear facing for safety, we made the decision to change and she loved it. Didn’t have any issues for about 3-4 weeks.

Over the last 2 weeks she’s started to refuse to go in again. Whilst she’s advanced for her age and can speak well, she’s still a little too young to really talk so I have no idea why she hates it or try to reason with her.

She is also freakishly strong and I don’t want to hurt her trying to force her in to the seat

We have tried all the usual distractions and bribes with toys and foods and iPads etc. I’ve also tried to let her climb in herself. Nothing has worked and it’s stopping me from going out with the anxiety it’s causing.

Any suggestions would be gratefully received!

I'd resort to bribery. Chocolate buttons might do the trick - yes, you're letting her dictate her terms but I always chose my battles carefully. 2 buttons to sit in it nicely and an extra button once she's strapped in. Once she's comfortable with the process cut down on the buttons (oh dear, only 2 in the packet today) until it's a bit of a button. Did the trick with my 2 and potty training. Good luck 💐

They were actually. MNHQ has removed it. This group is for parents to share hints and tips to help each other. No one is perfect and we can learn from others. I’ve been asking for help and suggesting, not feedback on how I am parenting. Yes, if needed I have to just get her in, that’s obvious. What I’m asking is does anyone have anything to suggest that could make this easier on me and her. Not judgement. The post I was referring to has been removed but it still hurts. I’m not a bad parent overall just because I’m asking for help on one small aspect of parenting.

That’s really helpful, thank you so much! Definitely worth a try to make the whole situation a bit easier and less stressful.

This is what I’m worried about, hurting her by trying to force her hips down or trying to untwist her to get her arms through the belts to get the buckle clapsed. I know I have to just get her in and I do when needed, I just wanted to see if there was anything we hadn’t tried that could help!!

I tend to tickle my two year olds tummy when she won’t get in so she turns to jelly- it takes some coordination tickling and strapping in but we get there. Sometimes my toddler screams for every journey for a few weeks then she gets over it and gets in fine, hopefully yours will go through a good phase soon.
I used to give my eldest a chocolate button every time she got in the seat whether she did it nicely or not. I was thinking it would make a pavlovs dog kind of association but I guess you’ve tried this already.

Another thing we haven’t tried, thank you! She’s OBSESSED with frozen so maybe I can find one of those and that might help! Thank you, we hadn’t thought of that!

Have you had a fit check done by a specialist for either this or your rear facing seat? I don't know a lot about the irvana specifically but some of the brands seem more uncomfortable than others, which might be contributing. Of course she might just hate being restrained full stop!

We found out years later that he hated it as he was feeling nauseous (wasn’t ever sick but obviously knew car seat=feeling bad and that he got pins and needles on longer journeys) so there was a reason he just couldn’t tell us till he was older.

Yes have a look - frozen is really popular so surely there must be one maybe temu or somewhere? Or buy a frozen t-shirt in a bigger size and make a cover or frozen pillowcase or something?

It's stressful, but it might be an idea to try and get her out in the car more often (every day?) just in the short term, to normalise it. My youngest was a car seat hater but we live in the sticks so car journeys are a pretty much daily occurrence for which we didn't offer an alternative.

If the only times you have to definitely use the car seat are to take her to nursery because you're working, is she maybe making that connection? Even if she enjoys nursery she might be trying to turn a nursery day into a day you walk to the park, for example. And if you have suggested car seat sometimes and then changed your mind when she has protested she has learnt that making a fuss works. Does she go in a car seat in any other cars? As much as possible try not to be rushing when you're going in the car. Bribes are fine, either a chocolate button or a special toy just for the car. Also, do you still have her old car seat and could you put it back in your car? You could offer her a choice of seats and her favourite teddy could use the other one.

Random suggestion but I have to remove those cushioned parts from the straps for my LO as he has always found them really uncomfortable. I googled and apparently just as safe with just the main strap. I guess also making sure she is in really comfortable trousers that aren’t uncomfy in a strapped seat?

Could you try and make car journeys something she enjoys. Like keep her favour teddy in there that she can only hold In the car. My 23month old loves peppa pig so we put peppas first album on in the car for her which she loves. Yes it’s annoying but keeps her entertained. I agree with people to a certain extent about just putting her in the seat as she does need to learn some things aren’t up for discussion but you don’t want a full on battle each time and you’re right she could get hurt.

Yeah, we got it from Smyths and they put it in the car and then we got her in to check she was in ok (safe and comfortable). She was fine for 3 weeks and now hates it. Praying it’s just a phase!! Seems she has just found her independence (and bossiness!!) though!!

Tell her to behave herself and do as she’s told. She’s 2 not 12. Pick her up with butt down and legs folded up. When her bum is in the right place lean your arm across the seat and strap in the bottom half. How on earth are you going to manage her at 4 if you can’t at 2?

Thank you! Probably should’ve been clear in the original post that I do make her get in on days where it’s non negotiable (ie 3 days of the week where she goes to nursery for me to work) but I just want to try and make it easier on both of us. I do play let it go a lot so maybe I need to make more of a thing out of it and also leave Elsa in the car!! I’ve not tried anything before so this could help thank you!

Could she be feeling an onset of a car sickness and refuses the car journey altogether? How else would she communicate it other than refuse to be seated?

I may not have worded my original post too well. This is the first time I’ve posted asking for help. 3 days a week it’s non negotiable as she goes to nursery for me to work. Those are the days she has to go in no matter what. The rest of the time, yes I’m anxious and sometimes just stay home or walk. Of course I get her in when she has to go in but any suggestions to make it easier on both of us, I’m grateful to hear! I don’t like to have to force her hips down or twist her around as I’m worried I’ll hurt her so anything to prevent getting to this stage is helpful. Tips like tickling or talking about it before just going out are really helpful and appreciated!

This is something I’ve thought about. I was very car sick as a child and I’m still not a great passenger now. So could be likely and yes, there’s no other way for her to tell us. But, we have been on long journeys with no sickness and no apparent feelings of being unwell so I can’t be sure either way really. This will be a time will tell when she can start talking more.

Why on earth are you pandering to her? She has no choice, she goes in the seat. Forward or backwards.

Ah fab idea!! We do still have her old car seat so I might try this thank you. I could even get her to help me strap Teddy or Elsa in and then make it her turn!!

Both my boys tried this age 2. I physically forced them into the seat and they got the gist after the second time and it was never a problem again.

You are the parent, not their little friend. What you say, goes. I love my children dearly and I'm a lot more motherly than I come across in this post but there are things that are just not negotiable.

My post wasn’t worded very well in hindsight. I don’t pander to her. 3 days a week I work so she has to go to nursery regardless for these days at least. I just wanted tips to make it easier on both of us.

3 days a week she goes to nursery so that I can work (unfortunately can’t afford not to!) so she goes these days as a minimum. I thought she’d be ok and it be a short lived phase when she knew she had to go but it’s been lasting 2 weeks now so was just looking for suggestions make it a bit easier on both of us.

There are just a few things that you have to be absolutely rigid on as parents and it feels pretty awful when you have to physically force them. I had to sit on one of my toddlers to get splinters out of his foot once because he just wouldn’t let me. Really upsetting, even though it actually only took a moment and he admitted I was right once it was done.

Tickling is definitely a strategy to try for this, if bribery etc fails. But having to physically overcome a child in this kind of non-emergency situation doesn’t feel good even so. They’re really cross when they realize you’ve tickled them into submission. But you have to win this.