22-month-old refusing car seat despite changing seats, any suggestions?

[VT1388]

Help! My 22 month old is refusing to go in her car seat.

She was refusing her rear facing car seat so my husband and I got her a new forward facing seat about 6 weeks ago. Despite wanting to keep her rear facing for safety, we made the decision to change and she loved it. Didn’t have any issues for about 3-4 weeks.

Over the last 2 weeks she’s started to refuse to go in again. Whilst she’s advanced for her age and can speak well, she’s still a little too young to really talk so I have no idea why she hates it or try to reason with her.

She is also freakishly strong and I don’t want to hurt her trying to force her in to the seat

We have tried all the usual distractions and bribes with toys and foods and iPads etc. I’ve also tried to let her climb in herself. Nothing has worked and it’s stopping me from going out with the anxiety it’s causing.

Any suggestions would be gratefully received!

While there are lots of suggestions - the one thing that is needed is consistency, whatever started as a i dont want to get in the car seat, has produced a multitude of different responses in a 2 week period. Yes find something that works but understand that by changing the response each time to something else youre confusing her, so try and keep it to 1 response ie everytime for a week - more than 5 car journeys you use the happy song or blow bubbles or have someone sat with her, she is probably just as confused as to why everytime she gets upset you produce a different gift/opportunity/response

What makes it easier is less faffing and more no nonsense. Do it the same on nursery days and fun days. If you always insist then she will accept it and can relax.

Smyths aren't car seat specialists so the quality of their advice can vary. I think it would be worth looking at some guidance around harness and headrest placement and just double checking the fit is correct in case that is contributing.

Maybe something with ginger in the morning could help. I’d research mild car sickness friendly food or relief for a toddler maybe

Exactly - you mustn’t negotiate. Children need to know what’s expected. That might sound harsh but it’s important they understand this.

This is entirely normal two year old behaviour. See also slipping out of the straps and learning to undo the buckle. We had to buy special gadgets to stop all of this. I’m pretty sure all ours were wrestled in many times and are now adults with undamaged hips, backs and psyches. You just have to operate a zero tolerance policy. She goes in every time not matter how long it takes. If you walk instead she has won and that won’t help with the occasions she needs to go in.

The pads do need to stay on the straps for the Joie seats, they are not just as safe without unfortunately. They have grippy material on the back which helps them stay in place if you were to have an accident.

To decorate the seat maybe stickers or a blanket but actually replacing the cover isn't recommended either.

Perhaps take her for an eye test if you suspect travel sickness as it can be an early sign.

To help with getting her in it can be better to make the straps really loose and do up the buckle, then tighten them.

I also wonder about car sickness but she can't vocalise.

She’s 2. You are a grown-adult.
Put her in the seat.

I really disagree with bribery. You're the parent, they have to get in the car seat - . Mine is OK in car seat but most of the time is a nightmare to get in the buggy - I honestly just hold her in with my elbow and strap up. Not fun but what else are you meant to do, and she is fine once we get going. I just say 'I know you don't want to go in but we have to go to nursery/swimming/park' - acknowledge they are upset but you can't pander to every moan.

I can see the analogy.

I didn’t bribe them it was a non negotiable. You can show them a child friendly version on what happens a simple experiment if you like

have a toy car at the top of a ramp. A small beanie teddie. Seat belt can be a ribbon etc
wall is a heavy book at the bottom of the ramp.

put the car at the top of the ramp (long piece of wood raised by a stack of books)
put the toy on top of the car
let the car roll down and hit the wall

the toy will fly out on the floor / wall etc

put the car back, tie Teddy in
let it roll
Teddy is fine

my now 19 year old got this when I showed her and she had good verbal skills. …. Edited to add she got it at aged 2 not 19!

one day she refused point blank and I just didn’t have time and she was kicking and screaming and doing the cardboard version and I started the car and pulled forward on the drive and then slammed the brakes on and she flew off the seat and got it- and then although angry and upset let me put the seat belt on this was 17 years ago and it is NOT a method I suggest. But mine did get it (we had a long driveway) and I was driving very gently but it showed her why you belt up. When we got home I made a ramp with her teddies and car etc and showed her (practice it first). But I can see why other people are saying just crack on and they have to not everything has a solution.

I got a lift with a friend two days ago and the friend had a 3 year old it took an hour to negotiate, bribe, etc this child to get dressed and get in the car. Three crackers in the car, he chose the cd, he got the food he wanted, etc and the socks (20 pairs of brand new socks offered) three trousers etc and so it went on. When we picked them up exactly the same in reverse. Bugger me. I love my friend but seriously 2 hours of negotiation and bribery no chance!

Thanks for that! Yes, I’ve been grasping at straws trying different things and didnt occur to me this could be making the situation worse. I’ll try just one thing for a week for consistency, thank you.

Ha thank you, I realised you meant at 2 not 19!! That could be really useful as she is so clever, just can’t hold full conversations yet. Perhaps me putting baby in her old car seat and showing her might help her understand. We’re very lucky that she is amazing in every other aspect, it’s literally just the car seat we struggle with. I’ll try the visual approach of showing her why the car seat is safe! Thank you!

For me it's just one of those things that you get done as quick as possible, they get wound up more with lots of cajoling and reasoning.

Use your knee to hold them in place so you have both hands free to do the straps.

That’s utterly ridiculous. Bribing with chocolate to do something non negotiable. They are 22mo, stick them in the seat, they can cry, scream, kick and carry on, but they need to learn they can do all of that and it’s utterly pointless as it’s a non-negotiable requirement. 22mo’s can’t be reasoned with so don’t bother with that aspect, but bribing a child for something non negotiable, and especially due to safety is utterly poor parenting. What next, bribing them not to run around with knives at home, not to push across a chair to climb up to the cooktop, or any of many other things they can’t do because they may end up injured!

What a ridiculous response!

Try reminding her where she is off to.
The playground or ice cream shop is a good one.
(Make sure that you end up going there for real.)
Offering her favourite biscuit once she is sitting nicely, or a sticker car ticket for her hand.

I try all these.

My one year old grandson is super strong and arches his back.
Make sure the straps are ready before lifting them in. It is so hard to untwist them etc with a screaming child.

Distracting DC when almost into the seat works for me at the moment. He loves birds and dogs. So often there is a magpie calling or a little dog barking and we we stop to listen. Body relaxes, plop him into seat and buckle up.

Thank DC and voice when you, too, do up your seat belt.

Is it possible she’s starting to feel travel sick? How about giving her some child meds next time you do have to get her in the car.

Someone has already mentioned that Smyth’s are not car seat specialists so it isn’t unlikely she’s fitted incorrectly. You’ve also mentioned you’re aware that rear facing is safer. I would suggest putting her back in a rear facing seat but in the front passenger seat with the airbag off. This will mean she’s safer and also might be happier to get in as she’s next to you. She might have a bit of separation anxiety going in the back.

You won't hurt her - sometimes you need to be more forceful and in this sort of situation it is 100% necessary.

I totally understand what you’re going through and I sympathise. My son also went through a stage where he refused to go into the seat. I’ve broken down into tears in supermarket car parks many times over the past few months because he would not go in. I have a rear facing seat and it’s hard to get him in unless he complies because it doesn’t twist around like those 360 type ones. I’m terrified of hurting him with too much force, or twisting his leg/knee. He goes rigid and straight and will not go in for love nor money. The thought of hurting him makes me sick. He’s had a two head cuts from falling which needed gluing at a&e over the past 6 months and I’m terrified they will think I’m hurting him or something if he gets hurt from me physically forcing him into the seat. Luckily he doesn’t do it every time, snacks help but if he decides he doesn’t want to go in I have to sit in the back with him for awhile and coax him in. Don’t let anyone tell you should just force her in or that you’re a bad parent. They’ve obviously never dealt with this.

How on earth would you use your knee to hold them in the car seat? I have a big car and a rear facing seat that doesn’t spin. It would literally be impossible for me to hold him in with my knee.

Bubbles to distract he whilst you desperately try to get her in, kids music Put it on before you put her in the car nice new toy that stays in car. I think they all struggle with it once they have gained freedom and can walk. I had to put one of mine in the front for a few weeks until he forgot about his protests. Leave extra time for it so you don’t get stressed for a few weeks. It’s really difficult wriggling out of the straps is a difficult one too.

try bringing the car seat into the house and leaving in the living room, let her explore it herself with no pressure. Maybe suggest she tries to sit in a teddy or dolly and get her to do the straps up to keep teddy safe. Then move on from there, slowly