Secondary school mobile/smart device ban - how are you handling this with DC?

[Blanketyblank04]

My DS11 is starting secondary school in September. His new school has introduced a smart device ban to take effect from this year.

DS does not have a smart phone. He is very upset today as his football team trained together for the last time and they were all swapping numbers. Understandably, he felt left out. Equally, there will be children leaving his primary that are not attending the same secondary school and he wants to keep in touch.

I have been speaking to some of the school Mum’s whose children already have a smart phone and they say their children will still take a smart phone to secondary but ensure it’s switched off and buried in bag. The school have prohibited them and they are not allowed on the premises.

I’ve just had a conversation with DS saying that him being upset and getting worked up at not having a smart phone is the exact reason why his Dad and I don’t want him to have one … although, I completely see his point.

I intend to go back to work full-time in September and whilst I work from home in the main, I will spend one or two days each week in the office and I would like to have some way of us being in contact between school finishing and getting home from work. I have suggested a dumb phone might be the way but he says what’s the point, I can’t talk to my friends on WhatsApp?

His Dad is over the moon with the ban; his words “at last! Common sense f’king prevails!’ but he only has DS one night a week and every other weekend and it’s me doing the bulk of the parenting.

I am so torn. Of course I see the downsides of smart phones and as an older parent (I’m 55) I didn’t get my first phone until I was 28 so it’s not as though I grew up with them but this is a different generation and I’m struggling with it.

For those of you in a similar situation to me, how are you handling these conversations with your DC? Are you standing firm? Do you agree with flouting the rules and letting DC hide phones in their school bag? I really do not know how to deal with this.

Sorry for typos, I can’t seem to go back and edit!

Why can't he have a non smart phone and do the "switched off in bottom of the bag" thing (which most kids seem to do).
Sorry I see you suggested that.
Point out WhatsApp is just a messaging service.
He can text his friends the regular way with a dumb phone.

He can have a non smart phone (they are allowed) but he wants a smart phone because that’s how you have WhatsApp.

Yes.... I added an edit after I missed that bit.
Apologies.
Can you get a very basic smart phone than you can have WhatsApp but block other online things.
Personally I think "switched off and in bottom of bag" will be what 90% of kids will do.

@Needmorelegothanks for your reply. Yes, I reckon that’s what they will do as well! He wants WhatsApp because he wants to be on chat groups e.g school, football, family. School are prohibiting all smart phones and ‘locked down’ smartphones. Basically no internet access or camera function

age for WhatsApp is 13

@Blanketyblank04 well if the school doesn't see the phones then what can they do?

It's just a messaging service though.

@Needmorelego exactly, it’s a huge school, about 1800 kids!! Surely they are not going to have daily bag inspections.

The alternative is smart phone that doesn't go to school, plus cheap standard one for travel to and from school.
But then don't go moaning to school about fall outs from group chats with school mates.

You have to be 13 for whatsapp, why can’t he have a smart phone that doesn’t to to school? He can message his friends at home/the weekend.

Phones are only allowed at our childrens school if they’re also a medical device and you have to show that any other apps are muted, its fab.

Can't he have a smart phone (carefully regulated by you) and not take it to school?

WhatsApp is one of the apps that scares me the most. They can be sent literally anything. One kid in a chat that doesn’t have a locked down phone and your child is exposed to hardcore porn, extreme videos, all sorts. “It’s just a messaging app” doesn’t really cover it

Either get him a non-smart phone or a smart phone that doesn't go to school, strictly monitored. Schools are banning phones in response to problems highlighted by parents so encouraging your DC to flought a basic rule from day one seems wrong.

Many kids have two phones in these circumstances: one for home (smartphone) and a dumb phone for school.

Not kings by any chance? We got our DD a basic Nokia as her post SATs present and she is over the moon at being able to text and call friends.
It's the rules he will be fine. Just do what everyone else is doing and get the "brick phone".

We are a few years older but Dd's both got a second hand smartphone for their birthdays in year 6 (both early spring). It did work well, they managed to get a handle on how they work. We tackled a few issues with messaging before DC got to high school. It felt like the right time, others children in primary school had phones earlier than dd's.

They also kept in touch with friends from primary school over the summer holidays and probably up until Christmas time for those that didn't go to the same high school.

DC use the bus app to get their tickets weekly due to two companies running the busses in our area. This is the cheapest way because of how early they leave for school.

Our school is using lockers for phones that can be accessed at various parts of the day. They accept that lots of children use phones for communicating with parents and traveling to school.

I agree with the PPs get a brick phone for school so he can take down friends numbers now and smart phone for home possibly. You can limit time he spends on it. Hour or two after school then give it to you before bed.

I think the schools are correct with the ban definitely common sense prevailing!

Sorry, but I think you're over-thinking this. Get him a Smartphone that doesn't go to school. DS14 leaves his phone in the car when he arrives at school/ at the house. We allow internet/ WhatsApp etc but keep tabs on it.

If you really want to contact him you can get a 2nd dumb phone for the bag for about £20.

@ladyglassno not Kings but sounds like similar in place! When you say do what everyone else is doing, that’s my point - they all seem to have smart phones and taking them in. Its driving me mad, I wish the bloody things never existed (says she typing away on her smartphone 😂)

The school wont need daily bag inspections, the phones will be visible in pockets etc. and out in lessons and break times.

If you are going to allow him or he takes the smart phone in anyway be prepared for it to be confiscated and have to go in to get it.

My year 7 dc doesn't have a phone at all, he survives! Most of the children from his primary school went to the same secondary school though.

I’m not sure what relevance the school smartphone ban has? Your child doesn’t have one just now, and it’s him not being able to contact his friends via apps that seems the issue at the moment.

In the schools In our city they will not be allowed to take them in. I know a few teachers they will be checking and they will remove anything that looks like a smart phone. Child will be punished and only a parent will be able to collect the phone. Honestly they are planning on being very firm on this around here.
It was a straight no argument allowed situation In our house and I know other parents will just be doing the same.
You can text parents over pick ups from a basic phone you know.

To be honest, I expect at this age not many friendship groups keep going without regular organised face-to-face contact, smartphones or not. (Even adults struggle to maintain many friendships formed in an organised setting once they leave it.) Even with a phone, he's going to build new friendships with the people he sees daily at school or regularly in new clubs, and the people on the WhatsApp chat just aren't going to be a priority any more.

99% of my daughter’s socialising takes place on WhatsApp. That’s mostly because she doesn’t want Snapchat which is where most things happen nowadays.

He has a few different issues. Would a smart phone that stays home allow you to start working on his ability to manage online interactions? He’s going to have to start doing it eventually so maybe you can support his learning while he’s still young.