Secondary school mobile/smart device ban - how are you handling this with DC?

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My DS11 is starting secondary school in September. His new school has introduced a smart device ban to take effect from this year.

DS does not have a smart phone. He is very upset today as his football team trained together for the last time and they were all swapping numbers. Understandably, he felt left out. Equally, there will be children leaving his primary that are not attending the same secondary school and he wants to keep in touch.

I have been speaking to some of the school Mum’s whose children already have a smart phone and they say their children will still take a smart phone to secondary but ensure it’s switched off and buried in bag. The school have prohibited them and they are not allowed on the premises.

I’ve just had a conversation with DS saying that him being upset and getting worked up at not having a smart phone is the exact reason why his Dad and I don’t want him to have one … although, I completely see his point.

I intend to go back to work full-time in September and whilst I work from home in the main, I will spend one or two days each week in the office and I would like to have some way of us being in contact between school finishing and getting home from work. I have suggested a dumb phone might be the way but he says what’s the point, I can’t talk to my friends on WhatsApp?

His Dad is over the moon with the ban; his words “at last! Common sense f’king prevails!’ but he only has DS one night a week and every other weekend and it’s me doing the bulk of the parenting.

I am so torn. Of course I see the downsides of smart phones and as an older parent (I’m 55) I didn’t get my first phone until I was 28 so it’s not as though I grew up with them but this is a different generation and I’m struggling with it.

For those of you in a similar situation to me, how are you handling these conversations with your DC? Are you standing firm? Do you agree with flouting the rules and letting DC hide phones in their school bag? I really do not know how to deal with this.

Sorry for typos, I can’t seem to go back and edit!

My ds is 11, in year 7. He has a basic smart phone. He is not allowed a phone at school either but takes one switched off in his bag. He has needed it to call me on a couple of occasions (request collection form school when after school club has been cancelled, asking to go to a new after school club, be picked up later as going out with friends). In my view he needs to be able to contact me in the event of an emergency. If the school were to ask me about this I would happily tell them that I can't afford to have/run 2 phones for him and he needs a smart phone for their school apps. He uses WhatsApp to keep contact with friends. He cannot use text as there is no signal in the house and being a basic smartphone it doesn't have WiFi calling. His friend of the same age does not have phone and I can see how much he misses out - doesn't get invited out to the park, swimming, football, meet ups because no one can contact him. I feels that WhatsApp and other such apps have their place but having said that I do police the phone and it's contents regularly (WhatsApp groups can be a bit unpleasant) and give guidance over appropriate responses to difficult situations. Also he is not allowed to delete anything, I think it's important because I wouldn't want him to be being secretly bullied etc. For context, I'm an older mum, one dc and didn't get my first phone until I was an adult living away from home. It's a tricky time to navigate!

He could give out your number and that way you can moderate what comes through on WhatsApp for a couple more years until he's old enough, then he could get a dumb phone with WhatsApp on, they exist. Although WhatsApp is half the problem adding eachother to groups and splinter groups and strangers in groups, and making groups that exclude each other and making a group just to slag off a dodgy kid that they add that kid to and barrage them with abuse before they can leave the group, and being sent dodgy porn or graphic violence and then being called a derogatory name if they didn't watch it and can't describe what happens. On the dumb phone version they can't always see photos or videos which is a bonus but wouldn't escape most of the issues. Some of it you might just need to suck it up. I wanted my mum to buy me vodka when I was a teenager and I wanted to stay out in the park until midnight and i went on and on for years that all my friends' parents let them and she had to put up with my ranting that whole time. When she eventually relented about the park at night, and only on the condition that I went with my older brother, the park was a shitshow, 17 year olds riding through the playground on mopeds with no lights on, weird 30 year old men trying to chat to our group, a community support officer threatening to do asbos on everyone if they didn't leave, drug dealers with massive angry looking dogs walking to meet people and two middle aged men smoking actual crack. Yea there was loads of teens there whose parents had let them or thought they were elsewhere, doesn't mean it's safe for your child. A big part of being ateenager is fomo and the belief that everyone is having way more fun than you.

Do I want to know what a snuff video is?

After watching a channel 4 documentary about secondary school kids and smartphones, and that drama series about the kid who murdered his girlfriend, my partner got rid of his. smartphone and just uses a dumb phone. He loves it, very liberating. He hated the admin of keeping up with group chats anyway. I myself have been traumatised by things that came up on my tiktok feed and really fed into my anxiety and it wasn't even graphic content, just people telling their stories about cot death feeding into my worst fears, thing is you get no trigger warning and once you've seen watched or read something you can't unsee it

Snuff is torture and death of, usually, a woman. The original, called 'Snuff', was around in the 1980s and rumoured to have been real not acting.

Another rule i have for my teens is to make sure they know who they are talking to.

They are aware messages might be monitored by others parents... and they know not to have random adults numbers (including friends parents).

Just type your message. Don't put it into AI, nobody will read it.

I work in a secondary school, and all schools are supposed to ban all mobile phones. Where I work, we allow them to keep their phones, but they must be turned off and in their bag. They are not allowed to have them in their pockets unless they are used for medical purposes, such as for diabetes. If they are caught with it not in their bag, the phone is confiscated till the end of the day. If they are caught again, it is confiscated until a parent comes and collects. If they are caught again, they are put on a phone ban, which means that if they do bring it into school, they must hand it in till the end of the day. The school is in the middle of nowhere, and some kids travel for miles on public transport to get to school, which is why there is not an outright ban.

My daughter's school has an outright ban, and they are not allowed past the gate.

Mobile phones at this age cause so much trouble.

you’re the adult. It’s not your job to placate him, it’s your job to keep him safe. I know it’s frustrating for him but tough.

I didn't allow my son have a smart phone until he was 12, which is secondary school age where I am.. But I have one. My 92 year old mum has one. Every single person I know in the world has one. So he has one now. The world hasn't ended.

@sashangel we have a similar situation- if smartphones are banned, kids need to be brought to school by parents which is just not feasible. Most take 2-3 forms of transport to get to school, no mobile phone reception most places so a smartphone is a must.
Up to year 9 all hand phones in in the morning, collect in evening.
Year 10/11 can have in bag but not use.
Sixth form have a couple of place they are allowed them out (study room mostly).
Unauthorised phones are taken into the office and need to be collected by a parent- school us in the middle of nowhere, so that means it takes a parent a minimum of 2 hours to collect, plus ferrying their kid as well. It works.

The whole smartphone thing is a tough one. This was us last year with DS going to secondary.

I think there is a bit of a shift away fdom smartphones. A local school explained at an open day: a few years ago students might use apps for learning in class and at breaktimes: then phones could be brought in, but kept in bags; now an outright ban and a strong letter to new parents about all the probelms smart phones bring.

There other changes out there top e.g. local bus company reintroduced physical bus passes this year, previously mobile only.

We went with a basic mobile, no whatsapp, track using smart tags rather than the phone. DS went to school (not the one mentioned above) where he didn't know anyone, but hasm't become a social pariah and has a nice group of friends. One parent did a poll on the parent whatsapp, about 20% were brick, most were restricted smartphone...

Had been thinking of allowing whatsapp for Y8, but seeimg some of the comments here makes me rethink that now.

People are really naive at what teenagers and children can and do have access to via the internet and smart phones via apps.
Ive worked with children/yp exposed to porn, drug dealing, grooming and bullying from what’s app, snapchat, til tok and instagram. That’s never mind the damage the short form videos/quick dopamine hits etc are doing to children’s brains and ability to learn and concentrate: ask any teacher or childcare/youth worker. Tech company bosses like mark Zuckerberg don’t allow their children online… wonder why!!

They are so vulnerable and i absolutley think school ban is a no brainer. Basic phones are available to enable contact.

Thanks for all the input on this thread, it has been great.

As I said in my OP, DS does not have a phone currently so I was trying to decide what to do for the best.

I’m not keen on breaking the rules nor do I want to teach DS that is the way to go about things. His Dad is heavily against him having a smartphone whereas I had been undecided… until now. As DS is only 11, I think for the time being he can have a brick for calls and texts should he need to get in contact with me on his journey to and from school and he can use imessenger on his iPad for his school and football mates. He also has his mates on Xbox that he talks to. The argument against having WhatsApp has won and regardless of what ‘everyone else is doing’ I am not going to give him access right now. I shall review it of course but for the time being, I am going to stand my ground.

I think for DS it’s all about having the device. I know him - he will not want to be stuck to a screen reading and responding to a barrage of stupid messages. Someone further down this thread said their child handed their smartphone back because they were overwhelmed with it; I can imagine DS being like that. He’s got two holidays planned over summer with me and his Dad so he’s going to be pretty busy anyway.

Finally, I just wanted to add there is absolutely no criticism from me to those who have given their DCs smartphones. I think it’s an individual choice and up to families to make their own decisions.

Take care all and thanks again.

This is genuinely hard, and there's no clean answer.

We got basic phones for our two at 11—calls/texts only. WhatsApp stayed on a supervised tablet at home. Not perfect, but it separated safety from social.

Parents sneaking phones into bags puts kids in a weird spot—lying to teachers, hiding things. I get why they do it, but it's not great for trust.

Your husband's "common sense" comment is easy from a distance. You're the one managing the daily reality.

My take: basic phone for safety until 13, then revisit. The ban actually helps you hold that line without being the bad guy.

You're not failing. This is just genuinely difficult.