Secondary school mobile/smart device ban - how are you handling this with DC?

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My DS11 is starting secondary school in September. His new school has introduced a smart device ban to take effect from this year.

DS does not have a smart phone. He is very upset today as his football team trained together for the last time and they were all swapping numbers. Understandably, he felt left out. Equally, there will be children leaving his primary that are not attending the same secondary school and he wants to keep in touch.

I have been speaking to some of the school Mum’s whose children already have a smart phone and they say their children will still take a smart phone to secondary but ensure it’s switched off and buried in bag. The school have prohibited them and they are not allowed on the premises.

I’ve just had a conversation with DS saying that him being upset and getting worked up at not having a smart phone is the exact reason why his Dad and I don’t want him to have one … although, I completely see his point.

I intend to go back to work full-time in September and whilst I work from home in the main, I will spend one or two days each week in the office and I would like to have some way of us being in contact between school finishing and getting home from work. I have suggested a dumb phone might be the way but he says what’s the point, I can’t talk to my friends on WhatsApp?

His Dad is over the moon with the ban; his words “at last! Common sense f’king prevails!’ but he only has DS one night a week and every other weekend and it’s me doing the bulk of the parenting.

I am so torn. Of course I see the downsides of smart phones and as an older parent (I’m 55) I didn’t get my first phone until I was 28 so it’s not as though I grew up with them but this is a different generation and I’m struggling with it.

For those of you in a similar situation to me, how are you handling these conversations with your DC? Are you standing firm? Do you agree with flouting the rules and letting DC hide phones in their school bag? I really do not know how to deal with this.

Sorry for typos, I can’t seem to go back and edit!

If the only reason for a smartphone over a dumb phone is whatsapp, you do know you can set up whatsapp on a computer/tablet instead?

Do you object to whatsapp?
I know there is some silly behaviour in whatsapp groups. Do you use WhatsApp?

@JustAnUdea hi, yes, I do know that now. DS’ Dad just suggested that as a compromise although some of these WhatsApp horror stories are alarming!

Not read the full thread but please consider getting him a smart phone especially for what's app. He will be missing out on so much stuff with new friendship groups, for example lets arrange to meet this weekend - lets chat on our WhatsApp group etc. There maybe a WhatsApp for the whole class too in the early days so the kids can get to know each other. Also my sons school sends all homework via apps and there is apps for science / maths and needs to ve completed on app. Obviously upto you but consider him and what is the norm these days as he will miss out a lot. For school just keep in his bag switched off or silent. Or cheap Nokia for school and smartphone at home

Some schools have Yonder pouches and others collect phones and lock them away in boxes until they leave.

there are A LOT of problems with What’s App / Tik Tok bullying. Taking photos and associated bullying, girls and boys to blame not just boys. However rhey can be good for tracking and communicating.

Schools will no doubt get a lot of stick whatever they are told to do.

There’s a reason why social media is age 13+ and that’s because children are not old enough or mature enough to use it responsibly. There are huge issues every year with Y7 WhatsApp groups.

I believe the 13+ limit is for legal reasons pertaining to the American system. Although they may have chosen it for those reasons, it's got nothing to do with UK phase transfer.

I wouldnt break school rules and wouldnt let him take a phone into school. Burying it at the bottom of a bag is still breaking the rules for school. I would personally allow him to have a smartphone with close monitoring.

Just have a smart phone and don't have him take it to school. Either he doesn't take a phone to school, or he has a secondhand non-smart phone on a pay as you go with no minimum top up.

Our secondary is no phones seen on site from start of day till your designated finish time (1440 & 1530). It's well respected as the kids know if phones are seen they are confiscated till end of the week.

Phones have been invaluable lately as our train system (Tyne and Wear metro) is very unreliable, the school is next door to the transport interchange. The other week the trains went off at ten past three. Kids were able to contact parents/family to get lifts home especially as there are no pay phones anymore and the kids were being directed away from the interchange to get buses - the direction we live is 1 bus an hour!

Surely you just get him a phone but he doesn’t take it to school ? I can see why at his age some sort of way of contacting his friends is a good idea

In our area if the LA provide a bus pass it’s done via a code you activate on the bus provider app.

Our school hasn’t mentioned their plan for September re smartphones. It’s currently supposed to be if they’re seen they’re confiscated but I’m not sure that happens as mine have texted me during the school day. I’ve also texted them with a message to read at home time but sometimes they read earlier. My work means I sometimes pick them up from school if I’m close by and passing but otherwise they make their own way.

When my daughter needed to call home recently the office told her to use her phone, despite emails telling us that if they need to contact home they will use the office phone.

On another note our school insists all kids have a Chromebook. We buy into them and those on pupil premium are provided with one. All their work is on Google classroom and other apps which they can access via their Chromebook. Things like their music lesson times are all done on an app. They can also email each other during the day. Anyone outside of the school can’t email their accounts though as I tried this once and it bounced or something. They can only send and receive from in school.

My children also live between 2 houses and need their phone to make arrangements - sometimes at the last minute as dad is very disorganised.

As they are teens they sometimes come straight home from school or sometimes go to the shops or the library with friends. They need their phones for making sure we know where they are. Also since 13 the Apple pay has become such a godsend because my daughter would either lose her card or once it got stolen - she thought she lost it and immediately froze it from her phone and then got notifications that someone was trying to use it. So it’s likely it was pick pocketed.

I am hoping if their school do ban them then it will be via the pouches as at least they can have them before and after school. I work in different schools and one uses these pouches and the pupil I was working with seemed quite ok with it. It’s a very rural school though and kids get various buses to school from other rural villages and they can often be cancelled or delayed and messages will get sent out via phones.

That’s ridiculous. Plenty of kids have bus passes on their phones. And if I want to know where my child is I will do. Thank goodness my kids school isn’t like this.

Well, my DD is in year 6 and is going to a different senior school than a lot of her friends. So I got her a smart phone at Christmas, so she could swap numbers etc, and get used to having it with 'safer' primary school friends whose parents I know, so I can intervene if I need to. It's an old model. She's not got WhatsApp - I've said no despite friends asking her when she's allowed it. I've heard the group chats on it are nuts! She can't download any apps without me putting a code in. She can use Google which I have put safety settings on and keep checking. Her senior school hasn't banned phones that I know of, so I will also let her take it as long as it's off and in the bottom of her bag. She's got a 40 minute bus journey so I'd like to be able to contact her and track her. She's got a 2hr screen time limit which she's usually nowhere near. I'm pleased with how it's going so far. I know it's early days.

The problem is anyone without an iPhone can’t join the iMessage groups. That’s why they want WhatsApp.
My child is 12 and I’d say 90% of them have WhatsApp. They only use texts for the kids who don’t have it. Everything else is done on WhatsApp. Class groups and friendship groups.

They use it after school so not being allowed it at school during the day makes no difference.

@fashionqueen0123 the school has already acknowledged parents’ concerns about bus passes and said they can can get a physical bus pass instead.

There are or at least used to be some feature phones (dumbphones) that supported WhatsApp or can be modified to do so. You could sync it to your computer or his father’s to keep an eye on it.

The problem is there are no phone boxes anymore. They’re going to need a phone of some sort when travelling about.

So they’re essentially making parents buy a second phone then just for school.

I used to call my friends after school on the landline all the time. Now most people don’t have one so kids need a way to communicate to their mates. With his football team I’d let him get WhatsApp - even if it is a phone at home. But - Monitor it. You can change the settings so he can’t be invited to a group without him agreeing. Check it regularly. We have to teach them how to be responsible with it. If not he’ll have to text them but it’s obviously quite different than being a team and needing to message everyone individually

It's an unworkable ban. All homework and timetables are set via various apps now, at least for my kids school. Plus train and bus tickets, contactless payments etc are all via smartphone. Some parents have tracking apps installed too. Contacting parents to arrange a lift etc is the least of it! He'll be very left out without whatsapp, snapchat etc. If phones are off and in a bag during school time, what is the harm. Driving it underground is not helpful at all. Buying 2 phones is nuts.

Can’t he have one but leave it at home during the school day?

Dd1s school will have a smartphone ban (or any phone out) but she will have one and it will stay in her bag. They are really clear that phones will be confiscated if they see them. She will have quite a long journey in with a train and tram so I want her to have a smartphone so she can check travel details if something is delayed or not running. I use public transport and being able to go on the train website and findout where the rail replacement bus is leaving from or actually if its going to be better to sit and have a coffee and cake for an hour.

She won't have tiktok or anything and we have been really clear that we will be checking her phone until she is older. But we have also explained why, that there is lots of stuff on the internet that is not pleasant and we want her to be safe and happy.

Mine are 6th form now, but they both got a phone in year 6 as they walked further to school and I wanted to track them to make sure they got home safe. I also wanted them to be able to call in an emergency and vice versa. The first year of whatsapp I monitored their whatsapp conversations and we spoke about bits of the group chat being inappropriate etc: and why. When they banned them I let them have old ones to hand in and they kept their phones switched off in their bags.

Both are pretty sensible, good grades, nice friends and I dont regret any of those decisions. I never used their phones as punishment as I feel they are a necessity in todays world. Banning their gaming was the only punishment that worked and that I had to use, that one I do regret. If I had to go back and take anything away it would be the gaming.

I would get a brick phone.

Smartphone Free Childhood has good resources including a guide to smartphone alternatives (and lots of good reasons why to hold out against getting a smartphone). https://www.smartphonefreechildhood.org/alternatives

You all sound fucked in the head. I can't believe this. Why are you all trying to get around this rule? Do you want your children to be zombies. I hope by the time my kids are in secondary, the attitude will have changed. Two phones?! What the fuck?? I work in lots of jobs where you aren't allowed a phone. You queue up and put it away in a box with a tag on. Surely the school will do that? Why do you all want your kids to have phones at school?

It a minefield....My DD will be moving up to comp in Sept, we have recently read The Amazing Generation by Johnathan Haidt and Catherine Anne Price together and I highly recommend it. She couldn't believe some of the things the whistle-blowers exposed. For example instragram knows when a girl is feeling insecure because she deletes images of herself and that is when the algorithm kicks in with Ads for beauty products.

I explained about Big Tobacco and the similarities and my generation (gen X) would joke that everyone would get cancer of the mobile phone in the future and it doesn't look far off from the truth.

She has now has a brick her reward for reading the book. I'm lucky she calls smartphones "brain rot" her words not mine.

To be frank I don't want to monitor my DD phone I would have been horrified if my parents had for example looked though my conversations with my peers at that age.

Legally a child is not allowed WhatsApp until 13, I will cross that bridge at 13, I don't really want to have conversations about Cyber flashing, porn ect now and I personally think it would be irresponsible to allow my DD to have WhatsApp for example without discussing the realities of what she will statically be exposed too.

Another mum who's son has a smartphone left it at home for the weekend while visiting their dad and when they got home they ended up with over 500 unread messages and when the mum skimmed the content she was so alarmed by one conversation she ended up sending a screen shot to the headteacher.

Another mum who's DD was only 9 was the only child in their class not to have a phone and there was a very serious incident where the police and social services had to be called.

It is really hard to navigate and everyone has to do what they think it right for their child.

Adults find themselves in lots of pickles because of mobiles so it's unsurprising kids do too.