Secondary school mobile/smart device ban - how are you handling this with DC?

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My DS11 is starting secondary school in September. His new school has introduced a smart device ban to take effect from this year.

DS does not have a smart phone. He is very upset today as his football team trained together for the last time and they were all swapping numbers. Understandably, he felt left out. Equally, there will be children leaving his primary that are not attending the same secondary school and he wants to keep in touch.

I have been speaking to some of the school Mum’s whose children already have a smart phone and they say their children will still take a smart phone to secondary but ensure it’s switched off and buried in bag. The school have prohibited them and they are not allowed on the premises.

I’ve just had a conversation with DS saying that him being upset and getting worked up at not having a smart phone is the exact reason why his Dad and I don’t want him to have one … although, I completely see his point.

I intend to go back to work full-time in September and whilst I work from home in the main, I will spend one or two days each week in the office and I would like to have some way of us being in contact between school finishing and getting home from work. I have suggested a dumb phone might be the way but he says what’s the point, I can’t talk to my friends on WhatsApp?

His Dad is over the moon with the ban; his words “at last! Common sense f’king prevails!’ but he only has DS one night a week and every other weekend and it’s me doing the bulk of the parenting.

I am so torn. Of course I see the downsides of smart phones and as an older parent (I’m 55) I didn’t get my first phone until I was 28 so it’s not as though I grew up with them but this is a different generation and I’m struggling with it.

For those of you in a similar situation to me, how are you handling these conversations with your DC? Are you standing firm? Do you agree with flouting the rules and letting DC hide phones in their school bag? I really do not know how to deal with this.

Sorry for typos, I can’t seem to go back and edit!

Smart phones are banned for a reason. Look at the research. Ds3 has a Nokia brick same as ds1 had (he got a smartphone from y9). Meant he could get used to school, phone ownership without all the access. Ds2 had a smart phone from y7 and the WhatsApp was horrendous. Wouldn’t do that again. Can’t believe parents would give decoy phones etc. Irresponsible.

Did anyone see the recent thread from a parent and their yr7 daughter's smartphone? Horrendous. This girl - 12 years old - was sending sexualised images of herself to, well, we don't know who.
Some parents just don't get it.

You need to look at it in context

• is a brickphone actually useful where you live? One of my son’s friends has a brickphone, we are rural with no mobile phone reception in many places. i get at least one phone call a week from his mum to message my son to tell her son something. The kids are fairly nice about it, but the regular “ mike, your mum called to tell you to not forget your dinner is in the fridge” etc is embarrassing for the child.
• are you and your child ok with supervised smartphone? I.e. locked down, stays downstairs over night, a serious promise to show concerning texts? Mine is, year 8 now and no issues. it needs active parenting, and kids do need to deal with comflict to leanr what is om and what is not. As said above, it does need very active parenting. Smartphones are not the issue, using the, responsibly is ( and kids don’t suddenly become responsible in year 9, it needs practice)

My FCs school already had a rule that phones must be switched off and stored in bags during the school day.
This works well.
Many of the pupils commute, and the way bus tickets are issued is electronic, via an app.
So they need smartphones to get to and from school.

Smartphones are not the issue, using them responsibly is

Problem is, your child might be using his phone responsibly, but other children may not be - almost certainly are not. They could send him anything - bullying messages, inappropriate images - and as teachers on this thread have said, once seen, cannot be unseen.

You can send pics and videos too. It is also the source of a lot of bullying with children, so not just a messaging service.

Dumb phone for starting secondary school with a promise to review at Xmas?

That's where's I've seen some of the worst bullying.

A report to school usually sorts that out promptly for us…. The standard is a week suspension and a ban on all fun activities for the term and next for these sort of messages at our school, and all the kids are aware. There has been one in year incident in year 7, nothing so far in year 8. As long as parents and school are on it, its mot an issue.

Sometimes parents are in denial. Sometimes they are defensive, because their child is different, more responsible than other children. Sometimes they sit in the office and cry when confronted with the evidence.

@MonetsLilac the parents of the victim! To give your child a smartphone yo7 need to be 100% sure your child is going to talk to you if something happens.
We just had to sort out a (non smartphone) related bullying situation on the school bus. went to school, child is suspended for a week and blocked from all fixtures, games and trips until next academic year. School are fairly draconian in their approach, and it works, hardly any issues (i’m aware of 2 issues in 2 years, none of them particularly bad).

No. The parents of a girl in yr8 who was sharing images.

OP, stand your ground. They will have assemblies and PSHE sessions on why these decisions are taken. He will be safer without it.

Has anyone driven last a school at the end of day, and seen how the children are with their phones?

Wandering out into roads for example.

We had one incident where I had stopped as the child was in the road... and they walked into our car as they hadnt seen it (or heard other children shouting!) Full on zombie mode.

Yes I realise now.
I didn't before and I acknowledged this upthread.
🙂

My boy started HS last year he already had a smart phone (one of our old ones to prove he could look after it before we paid our £££ for a newer model) his school currently allow phones of all capabilities but they are to be switched off during class. He’s really pushing for more and more social media apps which so far I’m holding off on. He does have WhatsApp and discord but he wants others like Snapchat and TikTok, I’ll be honest I don’t have these apps so don’t know how they work therefore I’m holding off allowing him access until I think he is mature enough. I’ve went down the the app is for age xx your not that old yet so can’t have it.

just a prewarn that once you open that door of allowing the smart phone then it never stops can I have this app can I have that app, so and so has this, it’s not fair all my friends have this/that etc

If it were me I’d allow a smart phone to
be used outwith school so he can make friends and communicate with them but I’d follow the school rule that it doesn’t get taken there.

Went fine this route with mine first it was whattapp then tik tok then instagram we held off letting him have them but the pressure from him was immense. Eventually he had them with massive restrictions the apps were locked down and unusable from 9pm through parental controls we allowed you tube music for music as it helped him sleep and chill. He couldn't switch off his location and it was great to see where he was when he started going out more. If he has a smart phone enable as many parental controls as you can from the start we were too naive with it

The reason alot don’t use regular text messages is that phone contracts are cheaper for a data only plan and don’t always have free texts of have a limit.

Also sending photos on regular messages cost money. What’s app is all free when using date

My kids ended up with fb messenger when they first got an iPad so they could message their dad who didn’t have an apple device. When they got their first smart phones at the start of y6 (August birthdays) they got what’s app so that they could then message dad and other family. There were definitely issues with group chats with my eldest - her older cousin took her phone off her one time and texted the group chat from my daughter’s phone. Nothing nasty or anything but it blew up into something and I had to message the parents saying it wasn’t my daughter. She then lit a passcode onto her what’s app so it couldn’t be used by others. She also took herself out of groups pretty quickly as she’s autistic and couldn’t cope with the messages. She’s 16 and still doesn’t do group chats.

My kids have a half sister and she just got what’s app recently at 9 and y5. My kids don’t see her that often and it’s nice for them to keep in touch now. They also have a dad’s house group chat.

In the early days I checked phones daily. Including archived messages on what’s app. Luckily nothing massively dodgy. There was a time when I didn’t like the tone of my younger daughter’s messages to a girl who was messaging her a lot. My daughter was quite blunt and told her to stop. I actually messaged the mum to let her know I was aware and had words about tone. I’ve also been very lucky in that, particularly my older autistic daughter, would come and show me anything they clicked on that didn’t feel appropriate online. I always told them to scroll past things but they always came and showed me and told me they were reporting things.

Well actually when my son was at school they did have inspections. He is in his twenties now but he sneaked in a pay as you go phone doubt they exist anymore? He hid it in a fold up raincoat. It was there so he could contact me if he had trouble getting home trains cancelled ect.

Im not clear why it stops him having a phone? Tbh even before the ban id expect it away in a bag during school

Ban coming in at my son’s school after half term. They do uniform, kit and bag inspections already before they are allowed through the doors. They are allowed phones but have to show a teacher they are turning them off and put them in their bags. If they are seen with them during school hours, phones will be confiscated and kept overnight. This is the issue as many parents don’t think the school has the right to keep property overnight and the safeguarding issues regarding kids getting home and not having contact with parents should something happen. I get that of course but this won’t happen if kids follow the new rules. We’ve been briefed for months it was coming in and the consequences of it being breached. Our town has had a few incidents of late with some individuals targeting and following girls so parents are of course worried, again, if the rules are followed, pupils will still have their phones come home time.

Why can’t he have a smart phone for afternoon school / weekends, that he leaves at home and doesn’t take to school?

It's universal to have smartphones in primary now? What kind of parents are this? I always found that very trashy behaviour, irresponsible, and it was rare when I was of that age (late 90s/00s)

Although both my DC too young to have this issue

This!!!

It amazes me how parents are so naive and don’t realise how much risk they are putting their children under. I think you should stand firm.

Hugs to you. It’s an incredibly tough transition.
From a cybersecurity perspective, I strongly advocate for the school ban—the risks of unmonitored smartphone use at 11 are very real. However, from a practical parenting perspective, I completely agree that you need a reliable way to contact him when you are at the office, and total social isolation isn't the answer either.
I wouldn't recommend letting him hide a phone to flout rules; starting secondary school with that anxiety isn't ideal. Instead of a dumb phone (which they do hate!), you can actually create a "hybrid" solution using technology.
You could look into an app like AirDroid Parental Control. What we like about it in the tech community is its granular management. You can give him a phone for his safety, but use the app to completely freeze all social/game apps during school hours, effectively enforcing the school's ban from your end. It also gives you real-time location tracking for his commute. Once he's home under your roof, you can release WhatsApp for a limited time so he doesn't miss out on his football team chats.
Technology doesn't have to be all-or-nothing. It's about putting the right guardrails in place. Best of luck with September!❤