Is this what people do with babies?

[ThisNimblePeer]

How do people manage to bring their kids up on no bedtime routine etc? Like, not following consistent naps for a baby? My SIL has a 3 yr old boy and a 4 month old baby and the poor bugger seems to just constantly be dragged around everywhere which i understand that’s life, shopping needs to be done etc but what im puzzled about is stuff like going to functions and staying there until 12am? The baby doesn’t sleep and has awful reflux and she and her mum just put it down to being a fussy, high needs baby but there is no structure to naps or a wind down at night for bedtime between say 7.30-9… the toddler is go go go all the time which I understand but why not protect the babies naps and bedtime? Is that just how it is? My partners family doesn’t understand why we protect our 9 month old naps so much and why we structure our life around him so much and honestly I often say and get quite angry about it, because how can you not? It’s a baby at the end of a day… I co sleep with my little guy and I’m super lucky he sleeps through the night with me. I’m strict on naps and haven’t even been to any baby classes yet as it clashes with his morning nap. Whenever we get asked to go out for dinner we get told the table is booked for 6 pm by partners family and we always say no, that’s when we eat and or do bath time then chill and play … I feel sometimes they perceive my way of parenting as something that isn’t right.

This is exactly how I feel, so many 'good' babies have their bath and bed. They're apparently sleepy after this bath?? I can't imagine it tbh. Drove myself to distraction when she was younger trying to achieve drowsy but awake, and to get her to sleep in a co-sleeper.

perhaps im just super obsessed with my kid, I just want him to be rested abd happy and thriving.

@ThisNimblePeer People can be obsessed with their kids and want them to be rested, happy and thriving without sticking to a super strict routine 🙄 You are not some perfect parent just because your baby naps at home. Your life sounds dull and I think you will look back when your baby is 5 (which will be here before you know it) and find the dinner invitations have long stopped and that you regret spending so much of the younger years cooped up in the house.

This is unnecessary. I answered you in good faith and you've accused me of not caring about my daughter?

Evening baths energised my DCs.

Haha they didn't get the memo for sure!

What you don't appreciate it that this is in a large part luck. You happened to get a good sleeper, and instead of being appreciative of that fact, you lambast other people who happened to get poor ones.

We never really had a routine for our daughter, she slept when she needed to, not at some random times on a clock that we had picked.

My husbands cousin has a ten month old baby, if he’s tired and needs to sleep before his nap time that they’ve chosen they force him to stay awake, they also wake him up before he’s ready. They recently missed their own siblings wedding because they would have missed the first fifteen minutes of nap time. Apparently he can only nap in his cot, its a load of rubbish, they have just actively prevented him from sleeping in the car or his pram by forcing him to stay awake by making stupid noises or physical play when he isn’t in the mood.

You’re awfully defensive for someone so confident in how they’re raising a baby.

And it’s strange to assume you care more about your child than anyone else does about theirs. You’re not nearly as exceptional as you seem to think.

This was never about curiosity - you wanted a chance to feel superior about your SIL and her child. When that didn’t land, you pivoted to playing the victim and threw a strop while accusing everyone else of being unkind.

Everyone parents differently, and you’re not special for choosing to be on the more regimented side of things. Perhaps if you accept that you will be less judgmental of members of your own family.

Spot on. It's no coincidence that the only PP that OP has engaged with positively is the one who praised her for raising her child right, then went on to have a bizarre rant about how children under 5 shouldn't be allowed in adult places, including the whole of Seville (I suspect this person doesn't even have children).

I think OP was hoping that we'd all pile on SIL (I suspect she does this in her personal life) but that hasn't happened because there isn't one "perfect" way to raise a child.

It was perhaps around this age that I gave up trying to get my son to nap at home. It was too much hard work (first he stopped feeding to sleep, then he stopped sleeping in the pram - despite my best efforts). One day I just decided I had had enough and didn't bother. It was quite liberating!

Some children just prefer to be awake and will fight sleep as much as possible. I wish parents of sleepy babies/children would understand this! The amount of times parents would suggest a "bedtime routine" as if they thought I just threw him into his cot and hoped for the best...

Protected naps for first baby are possible. I had 3 boys and then a girl in quite quick succession. Daughter was in a sling/pram/car going thorpe park, swimming, beach etc from a few days old as she was born at the beginning of the 6 weeks school hols. No way would I have stayed in with the 3 boys so she could have a protected nap. She’s 30 now and loves having a daytime nap when she gets the chance, maybe she missed out!

Couldn't agree more. Quite tired of reading on here about how babies will sleep when you expect them to if you just instill a routine, or a wind down, or some other ridiculously basic thing. In real life I had a new parent tell me that all I needed was white noise, as if it was a revelation (because his easy baby fell asleep in their moses basket when he put on white noise). I had white noise on on her very first night on earth in the hospital, for God's sake. Ironically it was the same moses basket that mine had refused to sleep in, because I gave them ours.

Luckily she does still nap in the buggy so I'm not, and never have been trapped in the house. I would have gone completely insane if I'd been trapped in the house all day in between every torturous night.

I genuinely don’t understand how you can protect a baby’s naps? Babies don’t understand routines and don’t nap on demand (at least in my experience!) I think it’s quite sad you don’t do baby classes due to naptimes but if it works for you crack on I suppose

Oh op, you gave an op which was loaded with assumptions and judgement about poor Dsil who is postpartum dealing with a colicky baby, whilst simultaneously complaining that you don’t like other people judging you. And when people have answered the question that you asked, you doubled down on your assumptions and judgement, eventually just name calling people who didn’t agree with you
It sounds like SIL is having a difficult time, it might be nice to just give her some grace, in a few months she may be a good friend for you and a good person for play dates. That will go much nicer if neither of you are judging each other.

I perceive neither of you as “the norm”. It’s extreme to be following your routine so closely that you can’t fit in a baby group. Equally, 12am functions with a 4 month old sound hellish.

On the dinners at 6pm front, have you countered any of these with an offer of lunch? My family are big into 7/8pm dinners (usually lasting until at least 10pm) and wanted us to bring baby along. We shifted them to leisurely lunches instead. Everyone’s happy.