Would you reply to this Mum?

[Shleepymummy]

I have a 4 yr old DD in reception. She has a friend, call her Sue. She and Sue play nicely, get on. A few times DD has mentioned Sue has been ''mean' to her- not letting her play in the toy kitchen and not letting her play demon hunters because she had bunches. DD asked the teacher to take out her bunches so she could join in. I mentioned this to teacher and asked her to just keep an eye on it. Told DD next time to just said ok! And walk away and play with someone else. All has been find since. Sue has been invited to DD birthday party. I have never spoken to Sue's Mum, only received a text to say yes to the bday party.
Today, Sue's mum messaged me to say Sue was crying when she came out of school because DD and another child had been unkind. The message was long, not hugely accusatory of DD but sort of accusatory, explained Sue can get upset, hopes tomorrow is a better day. Sue's mum asked teacher if she noticed anything, she hadn't.
I don't know what to do.
DD is super super kind, not just saying that,'it's something everyone says about her. Not bragging, I did nothing to make that happen 😂 she is just really kind. I asked DD what happened- she said Sue was unkind so DD said well I'm not playing you and her and the other girl went off. She said she was unkind back to Sue and said next time she should be kind but just walk away. Fine.
I don't want to reply. Me and Sue's Mum are never going to be friends, or even acquaintances. She is very different to me. I don't think she should have even messaged me about it. I feel no matter what I say (unless it's a full omg I'm so sorry- naughty DD), she will come back with something else. I don't want to get into it. I have never brought up about Sue being unkind. Kids are learning social skills and they are so young, when we say unkind, it's very very mild- they don't know how to be nasty or DD certainly doesn't.
Saw my parents for a catch up and they advised ignore it, don't respond. They are however boomers and come from a time where you were just tough and that's that- no shits given. They aren't the most sociable people either so not sure I should definitely take their advice!
Thanks for making it this far- any ideas?!

Kids can tell lies to stop them getting into trouble from an early age, so however much you believe your child would never be dishonest or mean to another child, you do not know for sure.

Some parents are more likely to believe anything their child says, and it becomes a rolling stone as the child loves the attention.

I think the generic ' I'll talk to DD and I'm sure the school will let us know if there is a serious issue ' is the right way to go.

If you ignore the text is she likely to collar you at the school pick up and confront you in person ? Maybe better to deal with it with a quick text back now I wouldn’t want her coming up to me at the school gates mentioning it in front of other parents as I get the impression from you she could be quite difficult

I wouldn’t even go as far as saying ta for letting me know. Thats like agreeing it happened. I’d just reply ‘thanks for your text/email/whatsapp’ and leave it there.

By the time the mothers have finished beating each other up about spats like this, figuratively speaking, the girls are best friends, at least for a few days!

I agree with your parents, mostly, but I've actually done the opposite when issues like this have happened. However, that is because I know that my DD is not an angel. On one occasion I arranged a playdate so that we could make sure our respective girls knew we knew each other. We just sat and chatted in the playground while the girls did some demonstrative "being nice". I think that when kids see their parents talking to the other parent, they realise there is a network there, which helps them understand there is more of a social context to their interactions.

Thanks for letting me know. I'll look into this with DD.

Normal behaviour for 4 year olds, they usually sort it out themselves. Isn't this how they learn about interacting with others .