Would you reply to this Mum?

[Shleepymummy]

I have a 4 yr old DD in reception. She has a friend, call her Sue. She and Sue play nicely, get on. A few times DD has mentioned Sue has been ''mean' to her- not letting her play in the toy kitchen and not letting her play demon hunters because she had bunches. DD asked the teacher to take out her bunches so she could join in. I mentioned this to teacher and asked her to just keep an eye on it. Told DD next time to just said ok! And walk away and play with someone else. All has been find since. Sue has been invited to DD birthday party. I have never spoken to Sue's Mum, only received a text to say yes to the bday party.
Today, Sue's mum messaged me to say Sue was crying when she came out of school because DD and another child had been unkind. The message was long, not hugely accusatory of DD but sort of accusatory, explained Sue can get upset, hopes tomorrow is a better day. Sue's mum asked teacher if she noticed anything, she hadn't.
I don't know what to do.
DD is super super kind, not just saying that,'it's something everyone says about her. Not bragging, I did nothing to make that happen 😂 she is just really kind. I asked DD what happened- she said Sue was unkind so DD said well I'm not playing you and her and the other girl went off. She said she was unkind back to Sue and said next time she should be kind but just walk away. Fine.
I don't want to reply. Me and Sue's Mum are never going to be friends, or even acquaintances. She is very different to me. I don't think she should have even messaged me about it. I feel no matter what I say (unless it's a full omg I'm so sorry- naughty DD), she will come back with something else. I don't want to get into it. I have never brought up about Sue being unkind. Kids are learning social skills and they are so young, when we say unkind, it's very very mild- they don't know how to be nasty or DD certainly doesn't.
Saw my parents for a catch up and they advised ignore it, don't respond. They are however boomers and come from a time where you were just tough and that's that- no shits given. They aren't the most sociable people either so not sure I should definitely take their advice!
Thanks for making it this far- any ideas?!

I'd send a really bland message back - something like 'thanks for letting me know'. Ignoring it altogether is quite rude I think

Thanks for letting me know. I will have a chat with DD.

leave it at that

not replying seems cold. This acknowledges without apologising or becoming overly involved

I would reply - they could end up being friends for years yet! I’d say almost what you’ve said here and that you’re sad to hear that Sue was upset and you talked to your DD about what happened and her version was blah and they’re all still learning social skills and agree that you hope it’s a better day tomorrow for them both

Its odd to message in the first place, almost like she wants a argument but I would reply just saying “I’ll speak to Dd” and leave it at that

I thought this but then is she going to chat with Sue? Does she know Sue has been unkind twice before and then again today? My DD admitted she had retaliated, but has Sue told her mum she was unkind first? I don't want to acknowledge that I need to talk to DD because DD isn't the problem. And to be fair neither is Sue really. But yea- feel like this is me/DD taking responsibility if I say that.

She is that type, that's why I almost don't want to get involved or even start anything.

Just reply back - Thanks for letting me know. I asked DD and she said Sue was being unkind (give basic detail in what way if you can) so she walked away which is what we teach her to do. Its seems Sue didn’t like that reaction. It’s very difficult to know what exactly happens between kids this age so I wouldn’t usually raise it with you but since you asked I made sure to ask DD properly. I hope you don’t mind getting the other side of the story but yes, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Whilst this is sensible, I really really don't want to engage with this person! But maybe I'll make it a bit shorter or something. Just feel doesn't matter what I say (I've observed this Mum for 8 at pick ups etc, I just know the type of person she is).
Sue is very upset, Sue is devastated, so unfair for Sue. Nothing I say will change that

Maybe just "Yes, I think they have had a few little run-ins lately; DD was upset a few days ago too. I suppose they are little and learning, but I will speak to DD and see if I can give some guidance and reassurance that sometimes you disagree but it's good to be kind, and appreciate if you can do the same with Sue. Thanks, Op"

“Ah, I’m sorry to hear that. Children of this age fall out all the time. I’m sure it’ll have blown over by tomorrow.”

I can’t stand parents who text other parents when stuff like this happens. If there is a real problem, they should go to the school and get it dealt with. I agree with your boomer parents a bit 🤣

“Thanks so much for getting in touch, I was wondering how to handle it. DD came home and said exactly the same about Sue. They’ll figure it out. I’ve told DD it’s ok to play with someone different if they aren’t getting along sometimes. Little pickles aren’t they! See you at the party”

I would reply very blandly and say something along the lines of I'm sure that the school will contact us if there's any issues.

Yes I like this, but also feel she won't. And she will almost have it in for me for even suggesting it!
god it's tough hey! Hence why I wanted to just ignore it and crack on life

If you don’t want to tell her what really happened then ignore her. Don’t say thanks for letting me know or I’ll speak to DD as that implies you immediately believe her and will encourage her to message you again next time! Just ignore it

I would send this!

Perhaps reply something like 'Thanks - I'm sure school will keep an eye on them and let us know if there's an issue'.

Don't get into it, it isn't appropriate or helpful.

I have 3, now adult, DDs. I am afraid this happens with little girls. I never engaged with the parents of a child with whom any of mine had fallen out.

I would simply thank her for her message and engage no further.

But you haven't said what you'll talk to your DD about, just that you'll talk to her.
This isn't a lie. It's a statement.
You've acknowledged her contact "Thanks for letting me know".

Her child needs to learn that if she's mean, nobody will want to play with her. But at this age, they all seem to fall out over the tiniest thing, and then they're best friends the next day.
If there are any serious issues I'd expect school to be aware. As nothing's been flagged to you, then just take a step back from it all.

I would send this 100 percent and if she sends anything rude or abit offish back I would not respond!

Oh this is good. Just hope it doesn't come across as that I'm saying 'yep dd can be horrid but school will let us know if it gets worse'

Hiya
Thanks for letting me know. DD has been upset too with Sue being unkind.
I'm sure they'll be fine again tomorrow.

Shall I reply with this?!
I want to shut it down, acknowledge so I'm not rude but that's it. And don't want my DD to take the blame (even though is so bloody minor)

I think it does sound faintly like that if I'm honest - and also will send her running to school. Not sure if you want that?

I'd be inclined to acknowledge (silence/ignoring can be inflammatory), make sure she realises it isn't one-sided, and basically give the vibe that you don't consider it a huge deal at this age.

@Shleepymummy -
You sound lovely .
Maybe just don’t respond. She will see you won’t rise to it .
Or just put - Thanks - I'm sure school will keep an eye on them and let us know if there's an issue'.

Why are you so concerned about her when she has contacted you completely inappropriately!
Nip it in the bud!

That's just escalating it. I wouldn't send that, no.

This person is a drama seeker and you're walking into it!

I would reply saying gosh it seems to be one or the other of them at the moment doesn't it, DD said something very similar about Sue a couple of weeks back. I think they're really just finding their feet navigating friendships at this age. Hope sue has a better day tomorrow