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Original poster

How do I set boundaries with my son's new girlfriend?

106 replies

Vidka · 21/04/2026 23:05

Hi there ,
I need some advice, my son has a new girlfriend and they have been dating officially 2 months and got to no each other a month prior before my son asked her out. His prior girlfriend they dated for 11 months , and we had issues with her , she was passive aggressive towards me , over stepped the mark, and my son started changing, I tried everything with her and we welcomed her and I went out of our way I understand she had issues , but it made out family dynamics out of wack
Fast Forward, he has another girlfriend he waited all of 3 weeks, before he started talking to his new girlfriend, we asked him to please get to no her , on the outside first, before you bring her home... And he didn't listen of course 😏 the same cycle is happening again
She is extremely out spoken , passive aggressive and likes to over step her mark in our family business, I am extremely stressed about it there is a lot more to it, I have spoken to my son but he is being immature about it, I am scared to address it with her , because of want my son will say, my son blames me for his last break up
Because after 6 months , I had a chat with his ex and said we really do like you, and love having you here , but I had to put boundaries in place it is happening again, but this time there are a lot of concerning behaviour with his new girlfriend and what she says , is also a little alarming
It has placed distance between my son and I and we are always arguing about it.
Any advice would be great. I am thinking of having a chat with her as I feel I need to set some boundaries in my home.

OP posts:
AttentionPlease · 21/04/2026 23:07

How old is everyone?

EstrellaPolar · 21/04/2026 23:07

Ages of your son and his girlfriend?

TeenLifeMum · 21/04/2026 23:08

You sound far too involved in such an early stage of the relationship. Either he has a “type” that’s passive aggressive to mums or you are the issue.

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Original poster
Vidka · 21/04/2026 23:09

My son is 19, and his girlfriend is 18

OP posts:
Original poster
Vidka · 21/04/2026 23:21

Ok, so the first day I meet her , she came into our home, as we where chatting getting to no her we where talking about , things in general she already stated to my husband and I that peers should listen to peers not parents , that my son would rather go for dinner with friends then family bailed me up on the ex was obssed with her, I said we should not be talking about it as my son isn't preasnt , then went back to my son asked me if I was paying for my son's fees, I exsplained to her that is something I will discuss with my son , talks for my son , puts me down with passive aggressive comments. Said to my dog p off or I will kick you in the face
Said she was curious and I went into your room on the 2 nd week , has raised her voice at me 2 times , over steps boundires inserts herself in our family business, speaks for my son and my son has said I understand mum it is not healthy and it does make me feel like crap when she does , he does not understand how to handle it so what is wrong with wanting basic respect in my home toward me, if my son spoke to her parents like that , I would have something to say to him, and I guarantee he would not be welcomed back

OP posts:
Dimms · 21/04/2026 23:24

Your problem is your son.

Wearealldoingourbest · 21/04/2026 23:24

I think we need more specifics about comments or behaviours that are making you uncomfortable. Are you calling her out each time? Just remember that beyond being polite and kind you don't need to try to make her like you. And if she doesn't like you that's her problem not yours. Don't ignore behaviour from her that you wouldn't accept from someone else.
If you don't want her to comment on a family matter just kindly say "oh no thanks, that's a family matter". If she makes a comment that seems like a dig just politely ask her to explain what she means "oh that's an interesting thing to say, why do you think that?" and so on.
Boundaries don't have to be a big conversation. Think about how you teach a toddler not to do something and do similar.

DespairMode · 21/04/2026 23:25

Said to my dog p off or I will kick you in the face
Sorry what now?
How is she still coming into your house?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 21/04/2026 23:28

Why is she in your home so much, do they not go out together on dates ?

Villanousvillans · 21/04/2026 23:29

Why are they spending so much time in your home? I ask because I’ve raised three DC and they didn’t hang around my home much. They spent more time going out with their friends, to the pub, cinema, clubs, gigs etc. Your son seems to think that dating a girl involves having her with him in your house.

You need to speak to your DS and put a stop to him using your home as open house for his girlfriends. It’s your home, you make the rules.

GeorgiePilson · 21/04/2026 23:34

Tell ds he needs to see her at her house not yours

PollyBell · 21/04/2026 23:41

Why on earth are you geting this involved in his relationships so much? tell him the amount of time she can be over and stick to it, the rest all sounds very odd

Original poster
Vidka · 21/04/2026 23:47

Why on earth am I getting involved, when someone comes into my home , and is passive aggressive towards me , it is extremely odd , on her behalf

OP posts:
Original poster
Vidka · 21/04/2026 23:49

I agree, I have said to him you need to be out more , they do head out to pubs , clubs etc with friends, but she stays all day the following day I mind my own business, she comes out to me where I am etc

OP posts:
Dimms · 21/04/2026 23:50

Again, your son is the problem

Villanousvillans · 21/04/2026 23:50

Vidka · 21/04/2026 23:49

I agree, I have said to him you need to be out more , they do head out to pubs , clubs etc with friends, but she stays all day the following day I mind my own business, she comes out to me where I am etc

Tell your son she can’t be in your home all day.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 21/04/2026 23:51

he needs to be told that she goes home in the morning if she has stayed overnight, unless they are both about to go out somewhere together.
She does not need to hang around your home.

HaroldMeaker · 21/04/2026 23:52

This young woman would not be invited into my home again. Honestly OP. You need to explain to your son that he needs to continue this relationship away from you, and your ddog

Original poster
Vidka · 21/04/2026 23:53

You are completely right
I have tried that on several occasions, meaning I have said to my son , ok we have things to do we need to head out at 11am , then the girlfriend comes up to me and states, where are U going can I come too , I need to be more assertive

OP posts:
Original poster
Vidka · 21/04/2026 23:56

Yes I agree, all my son and I are doing is arguing about this... I am not sure , but I was thinking of having a chat with her , and setting boundaries, and if that does not work my son will need to see her on the outside

OP posts:
TheyGrewUp · 21/04/2026 23:57

You just say "we are going out and no you can't come, you need to go home now, cheerio". And if she threatens your dog again you tell her to leave.

Dimms · 21/04/2026 23:58

Vidka · 21/04/2026 23:56

Yes I agree, all my son and I are doing is arguing about this... I am not sure , but I was thinking of having a chat with her , and setting boundaries, and if that does not work my son will need to see her on the outside

You don’t have a chat with her, you speak to your ds.

Original poster
Vidka · 21/04/2026 23:58

It is , and I have told him that ... He does not want to rock the boat with his new realshionship that did not go down well for me, when he said that , I did say to him if you do not deal with it then , I will need to say something, or she can't come back into our home

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 21/04/2026 23:59

TheyGrewUp · 21/04/2026 23:57

You just say "we are going out and no you can't come, you need to go home now, cheerio". And if she threatens your dog again you tell her to leave.

Yep this

I find it hard to believe, and sad, especially when she said that thing to the dog, no one pulled her up on it there and then. If someone said that to my pet I'd be reacting there and then

Original poster
Vidka · Yesterday 00:02

100 percent, she said it to my dog when my son was out of the room, and when my son come back in the room, I said to him in front of her this is wake your girlfriend said to our dog, he looked at her and said that is not nice , I believe she so doing this dilbertly so I do kick her out and she has more control over my son in her home
There is some other dark thing she has said and I said to my son, if that behaviour still happens on what she is saying , I will be heading over to chat to her parents

OP posts:
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