How do I set boundaries with my son's new girlfriend?

[Vidka]

Hi there ,
I need some advice, my son has a new girlfriend and they have been dating officially 2 months and got to no each other a month prior before my son asked her out. His prior girlfriend they dated for 11 months , and we had issues with her , she was passive aggressive towards me , over stepped the mark, and my son started changing, I tried everything with her and we welcomed her and I went out of our way I understand she had issues , but it made out family dynamics out of wack
Fast Forward, he has another girlfriend he waited all of 3 weeks, before he started talking to his new girlfriend, we asked him to please get to no her , on the outside first, before you bring her home... And he didn't listen of course 😏 the same cycle is happening again
She is extremely out spoken , passive aggressive and likes to over step her mark in our family business, I am extremely stressed about it there is a lot more to it, I have spoken to my son but he is being immature about it, I am scared to address it with her , because of want my son will say, my son blames me for his last break up
Because after 6 months , I had a chat with his ex and said we really do like you, and love having you here , but I had to put boundaries in place it is happening again, but this time there are a lot of concerning behaviour with his new girlfriend and what she says , is also a little alarming
It has placed distance between my son and I and we are always arguing about it.
Any advice would be great. I am thinking of having a chat with her as I feel I need to set some boundaries in my home.

Sorry but the fact he KEEPS ending up with the exact same type of woman and you think it’s a mad coincidence? It’s something in his parents that he’s seeking out that he thinks that behaviour is normal. Like how the children of abusive parents usually end up being in abusive relationships as adults.

Does no one go out to work? Why is everyone always in your home?

she Sounds plain old aggressive - nothing passive about it

it also sounds like you are not In Control of your own home and have boundaries with your son that are working

Then he alienated himself. But unless he can fund himself to live independently - AND he doesn't ever mature - then that's unlikely to happen, at least long-term.

What's the alternative, allow emotional blackmail and permit yourself to be treated like shit forever?

I found the transition to from parenting children to adults one of the hardest stages at all, and especially sons having girlfriends and the "MIL" type role.

I suspect you need to step well back, to make this easier for everyone.

Anyone who had the audacity to come into my house and threaten my dog like that would have been out of the door extremely fast. Straight away.

Why is she still being allowed to come over at all? Tell DS that she is a bully and you aren't comfortable with her. Say that if they are going to meet at all then it must be away from your house.