DD(7) asked what orgasm meant after playground chat

[Narwhalburg]

Not quite sure if I handled this right, or if I need to do anything.

Whilst having dinner tonight my oldest DD(7) asked what an orgasm was. I almost spat out my food. She actually said 'a norgasm' like she was talking about an animal of some kind!

I asked where she had heard that word, and she said that some boys had been talking about them in the playground. She asked again what it was, and I said that it was a nice feeling that mummies and daddies have when they make a baby. This did the trick in terms of allowing me to change the subject but I wonder if that was a correct age appropriate response. I also wonder whether those boys should be talking about it in the playground! Should I raise it with someone?! I don't like the idea of that kind of stuff being playground chat. But on the other hand it would be awkward to raise and perhaps a bit busybody-ish.
DD didn't mention it again so hopefully she will forget about it (and isn't too disappointed that she won't be seeing any norgasms at the zoo!).

It’s not grooming chat and isn’t a concern. Of course you should have these conversations with your children. If they come to you and ask a question it’s because they trust you. Children ask all sorts of questions because they hear and absorb everything.

my 9 year old asked me what “cunt” meant the other day as he had heard an adult say it while we were out and about. Completely caught me off guard (obviously) but I just said it’s a bad word that grownups use to express anger and not something we should ever say and left it at that.

keep a safe space for your children to talk to you when they have a question. My son knows he will never get in trouble for asking what something means

I think you answered it perfectly.

school will be talking about body parts and sex and babies and reproduction in psd soon at that age group

you told the truth but simply

Thanks. I know that sex education will happen. And we have been open and honest throughout. She knows that babies are made when the daddy puts his penis in the mummy's vagina and seeds come out to find an egg that is inside the mummy. The basic facts of reproduction. We have also been totally open about bodies ("Why do you have hair on your privates?" / "Will I get boobs?" etc). But I've never used that word orgasm, and I don't think it's necessary for a child to know. I can't actually remember how or when I learned the word or what it meant. But it certainly wasn't when I was still in primary school.

I think your answer was perfectly fine and age appropriate. I always answered my dc honestly but no need for full descriptions. I once heard the word Virgin and asked my mum what it meant, she said it was someone who hadn't started their periods yet. When I started my periods I told a group of friends I wasn't a virgin anymore, shock all round and a teacher talking to me about it, which was mortifying. At least she told me what it meant and cleared up any further confusion.

This

I work in primary. I think I would have answered that it was something for adults but I think your openness was fine. I would have asked which boys though and then flagged it up in an email to the school. We have to be careful about safeguarding and it might be a child that is using inappropriate language for their age. We log these things to see if there is a pattern .

You were factual and drama-free. Ideal.

It can be tricky when questions come out of the blue and yiu have to think on your feet. My DD at 11 came home from school in Y6 and said: 'We had sexy education today. If you touch your clitoris when you're having a baby, it feels good.'

I agree but with the caveat at this age of “answer the question, just the question” and then let them come back with more when ready.

I was given this advice, completely forgot it with DC1 and launched into explanations only to be met with the five year old version of “I only asked where they came from". I learned my lesson.

Crikey what did you say to that? I can count three things I'd want to pause her on in just that one sentence!

I'm almost 70 and I remember asking my mother about masturbation at about the age of 9.
She was very matter of fact and told me that it was normal and that everyone did it.

My mother was born in 1922 and looking back, I'm surprised that she answered me like that, but she was right to do so, and I felt very reassured.

Children need simple facts and their parents shouldn't be embarrassed.

I'm not so sure. I think that just turns it into a "power to shock" word and she would have filed it under "Interesting" in her brain, ready to wield when she wanted to cause a sensation.

Hopefully OP's description meant it washed over her and there won't be many occasions it would be topical to bring out.

I agree with this. I was hoping to dial down any excitement. I think she knew it was at least not a usual word that a child would use. So I was trying to be like 'Yep. No big deal. It's just a nice feeling when you make a baby. Anyway, what else did you do today?' No drama, just a normal word that hopefully she will now file along with other words and thoughts in the big unknown part of her brain marked 'Weird grown up stuff to do with how on earth babies come about.'

'Sexy education' was something she'd said before, knowing it was funny. She also came up with the name 'cockpit' for men's pants. There was one boy at school who I suspect had used the word cock because in an incident around this time he was in trouble for racist towards my DD and a friend for singing a rap song to them that included the line 'White girls are easy'.

My immediate concern was about restrictions being placed on pleasure from the clitoris but I didn't want to make a big deal about it so I said 'Your clitoris can feel good at lots times.' That was all!

Does she know a bit about how babies are made? I guess you could say something like 'its a nice feeling the grown-ups can get when they are making a baby'?
It does sounds awkward though. I'm pretty sure nobody that ages knew what that was when I was a kid. But times do change. I didn't even know what a tampon or sanitary towel was until I was about 10?!

I think you did pretty well on the spot.

The only thing I slightly wonder is if it was organism, not orgasm, and you probably could have (very honestly) provided a definition of that instead that I expect would have satisfied. (Then again, that could have backfired: "I'm very interested in all sorts of norgasms.")

But you did what you could on the spot. Hindsight and all that ...

I suppose it's possible that some parents might use the word 'orgasm' in relation to masturbation. So age 7 could be young enough to know about that.

I think you should mention it to school. Early sexual language can be a sign of abuse, so it needs reporting 1. so appropriate safeguarding measures can be taken and 2. so the school knows the context if DD is heard to say it again.

A good trick is to ask the child what they think it means first, then you can clear up any misconceptions.
If you asked that and she said "a kind of living thing" then you'd know if it was an organism 😂

You did well though, and it shows the importance of early sex ed at home because if you don't get in their with the facts first, some boy in the playground is going to tell them all sorts.

Too late to edit. I said 'Your clitoris can feel good when you touch it at lots of times'.

You did well with that answer when put on the spot OP.

I remember DS asking me what sexy meant when he was around 5. I couldn’t work out where he’d picked that up from but it turned out he had misheard the lyrics to a song - The Ting Tings, That’s not my Name - and thought they said ‘they call me sexy’ when it was in fact ‘they call me Stacey’.

I can imagine her having meant organism. But I don't think it would have been right to assume that and give an organism definition. If she had genuinely meant orgasm (norgasm!) then she would now think that an orgasm was an organism!

No, giving factual answers to questions is not grooming.

Grooming is what happens when you force your kids to go out looking for random adults to answer questions because their parents are too incompetent to.

This made me hoot out loud!

Reminds me of my then 3-YO DS attempting to mimic the sound made by a clock.

TIT COCK TIT COCK TIT COCK!

I wanted to throw my coat over my head and run ...

Exactly this. IME if a child is old enough to ask a question they're old enough to hear the answer, albeit in a child appropriate way. It demystifies these issues and if a basic, factual response is given, most children think little further of it. Make some big issue out of it and it's likely to pique their curiosity further, or make this a source of shame or fear.

OP's response was far better than all that BS like a stork bringing the baby. That's the kind of thing children don't forget. And unfortunately, shielding them from 'age inappropriate' knowledge isn't going to protect them from groomers.

If taken with the usual rule about the child never having to be touched by anyone without their consent, it might even do the reverse.

Perfectly reasonable and honest. Congratulations for keeping a straight face.