Is it OK to keep a bedtime bottle at age four?

[DearDog96]

In a recent post about my MIL’s comment towards DD it was highlighted that I needed to get her out of nappies, off the dummy and going to bed without her bottle. The dummy I took away straight away and we’ve been doing well since, and nappies we’re going to try this weekend. With a baby on the way in a few months time I’m inclined to leave the bottle for now as it’s only once a day and it’s her comfort before bed, plus I feel like I’ve rocked the boat enough already! What’s everyone’s thoughts? Did any of your kids keep the night bottle at 4+?

I find this post a little concerning. Not doubting your intentions, but perhaps it's worth seeing a health visitor or someone who can take you through the milestones 4 year olds are expected to have reached? Have you ever researched "school readiness?" There are checklists for things school children will be expected to be able to do: use a fork, put their clothes on, put their shoes on, use a toilet, etc.

Drinking a bottle of milk immediately before sleeping isn't going to help the night time potty training.

Hi Op just re-read your other thread, you’re doing great getting rid of the dummies and recognising areas to work on.

They probably don't have space now. By the time she has settled they will be breaking up for summer. My son has been to nursery before going to a school one and he is still sometimes reluctant to go in!

The summer hols issue is only the case for term-time nurseries

Our 3 and a half year old still has a bottle before bed !

Sorry, I keep replying to this thread!
Nursery at this age is about social side as well as academic.
Things to consider
Can she play on her own and keep herself occupied without needing constant adult input/attention?
Can she be without you, Dad or grandparents?
Can she do something she doesn’t want to do and keep trying?
Can she follow two step instructions e.g get your toy and put in your room?

Sounds like it might be time to stop then

Have you done the other basics that the OP was struggling with like potty training?

No they can’t have a bottle at 4. They need to have a drink and brush teeth. You might need to think about timing of drink and volume if it’s impacting them wetting bed.
I can remember a friend getting cross with school when ds was 4 or 5 and he’d learnt in school about tooth care and been told it was a no and he had got upset and confused as mum was giving it him.

I agree, I would have wanted to change the bottle and the toilet training approaching 3 years old it’s lazy. I’d feel embarrassed if my child wasn’t neuro diverse and still in nappies and drinking bottles at 4 and that comes from someone who’s got a 4 year old.

The cost of nappies as well, they aren't cheap in the big sizes. Imagine paying for 2 more years than you really needed.

What's done is done now OP. You know better for your next child. This highlights the failure of the HV service when families aren't in an education setting.

Good luck with potty training today.

I just think you’ve been massively overthinking this whole thing. It doesn’t matter that you’ll be doing it all at once, that’s on you not bothering to actually parent and be responsible. She’s 4 years old, she is old enough to understand why she can’t have a dummy and a bottle anymore. If 1 year olds can give them up then so can she. You just need to persevere. Also what good is it putting her in nursery now.. only to take her out and throw her into school! Honestly 🥵

I'm curious to know why it didn't occur to the OP at any point that these milestones are usually dealt with at an earlier age.

Given the plethora of information and news articles out there how did she not know that this was very unusual for an NT child? Or are we all making the mistake of assuming that her daughter is NT?

Pampers did a brilliant bit of sales boosting paying a pediatrician to say parents should wait until children show signs of readiness for potty training.

People spout the readiness stuff all the time. Mums will come on here, 3yo isn't getting it after 2/3 days, some will say persevere the louder voices say give up and try again in a few months. I think the giving up thing also means its confusing for kids.

The OP hasn’t raised any concerns at all about her DD. It all started off when she started a thread about her DMIL being concerned, not about the DD but about the lack of parenting. I don’t think the lack of parenting is all the OPs fault though. I’m assuming that if she has a DMIL she also has a DH who has also failed to do some pretty basic things to help their DD transition from babyhood into childhood.

Having said that I’m not sure the OP would actually know if her DD was NT or not. If you’re still reading the thread OP, this very simple progress checker is a good indicator of whether your DD’s communication is where it should be for her age. It will tell you if she needs some support

You’re doing great at sorting this out. Personally I would deal with the toilet training first and leave the bedtime bottle for now. Four is late to be having a bottle but you don’t want too many changes all at once. Once you start toilet training take the nappies away completely. She’s old enough for a conversation that nappies are for babies and big girls go to the toilet. You can even show her a toilet training video clip.

If Op hasn't pushed the getting rid of dummies, bottles or nappies the child is unlikely to do that on her own.

There's no mention of Ops mum, makes me wonder if Ops had a difficult up bringing. MILs are on a tightrope not wanting to interfere. Op needed to ask for a second opinion over the MIL comments.

So the assumption is the LO is NT but not been pushed to get rid of baby habits.

I know people are trying to be helpful suggesting sippy cups, she already uses a normal cup the rest of the time, so I'd go straight to a tiny amount of water in a cup.
Don't introduce things you're going to have to ditch in a matter of months

“So what?”

Because school staff are there to educate children, not change their nappies because parents haven’t been arsed (pun deliberate) to train their children to use a toilet by the time they start school. It’s horrible to expect them to do so.

Many parents discover that their children are ND because they try to implement developmentally appropriate changes and the child cannot cope or cannot do the things that typical children can. These parents haven't even tried. They have just carried on treating their pre schooler like a baby because it didn't occur to them not to!

There have been many news articles just recently on how behind many children are when starting school including toilet training, being able to use cutlery etc.

I know some people complain that children start school too early in this country but it’s just as well they do for some children, although it should not be the role of school to teach things parents should be doing

Can you defer in England? I’m in Scotland and no one would be recommending OP’s child starts school. She should be deferred 100%. OP is going to have problems the minute her child starts because she’s developmentally delayed (in ways that were avoidable!). It’s not fair to her child to send her to school. In Scotland she would be deferred without a doubt. A good nursery would highly recommend it (but then she’d have to be attending nursery in the first place to get that feedback from childcare professionals!)

It’s a waste of time berating OP for not doing things sooner, she has to start from where she is now and toilet training is the priority.

@Bishopbrennansbum you can defer a year if summer born (ie birthday after 31 March) to start the following September. Otherwise you can defer to the term after 5th birthday.

But in my mind deferring because parents have failed to get their child ready is not necessarily a good idea. If child is struggling themselves then yes, but otherwise I would probably want eyes on that child

Day nappies is the biggest issue but that can be cracked in a week if they put their minds to it.

Dummies have gone.

Its really not going to matter to the child starting school if she uses night Nappies or has a bottle at night.

Bottles and nappies should be long gone by now.