Is it OK to keep a bedtime bottle at age four?

[DearDog96]

In a recent post about my MIL’s comment towards DD it was highlighted that I needed to get her out of nappies, off the dummy and going to bed without her bottle. The dummy I took away straight away and we’ve been doing well since, and nappies we’re going to try this weekend. With a baby on the way in a few months time I’m inclined to leave the bottle for now as it’s only once a day and it’s her comfort before bed, plus I feel like I’ve rocked the boat enough already! What’s everyone’s thoughts? Did any of your kids keep the night bottle at 4+?

If you don't have a downstairs toilet a potty is handier to begin with.

That's a fair point.
But if she does use potty as a stepping stone, as soon as possible I'd be putting her on the toilet.

At 4 she should be able to tell when she needs to go during the day , if you really think she doesn’t then you need to get some professional input

Also nurseries usually have small toilets if she needs to move forward in steps.
My neighbour's kids had Farleys rusks in a bottle with a hole in the teat until they were at school. I assume they got their teeth cleaned afterwards.

I would rather think the issue is that she never needed to pay attention to those signals, as there was always a nappy on. You should be able to discuss what it feels like and that she needs to stop and check if she needs to go. It is really unusual if a 4yo does not recognize those needs at all.

You make a good point. I think she probably does get the feeling, but she’s never had to associate that with needing to find a toilet. That’s what I mean, like we need to teach her what that feeling means first!

I meant it more as in she’s never had to associate that feeling with needing to find a toilet

Are you being persistent and are you making progress?

If you aren't seeing progress and you've been consistent no day time nappies, for a few days, I think I'd give it until tomorrow afternoon if still no real progress then call your HV.

It should all come together very quickly for a 4 yo. Don't be scared to bribe her with something a new barbie outfit, or whatever if she goes all day without dirtying her pants.

I saw Barbie outfits in supermarket the other week for the first time in years. Boys I'd reward / bribe with toy cars I don't really know what you bribe girls with.

Are you sitting her on the toilet or potty at regular intervals?

I agree that for most 4yos it should come together relatively quickly but if the child is plonked on a potty in front of the TV Then they're never going to learn.

How did you let it get to this? Unless she has a disability or learning difficulties, I don’t know a single 4 year old who would put up with this. Most do at least a couple of days in nursery though and would be ashamed of themselves seeing their friends using the toilet. 4 is peak “I can do it myself” age. It’s like you’ve completely sheltered her and so she’s now about to start school and still literally sitting in her own shit. I just don’t get it

You’ve not mentioned that you suspect that she may be ND in either of your threads but that is a little unusual for a 4 year old, even one who doesn’t regularly mix with other DC. Usually they will understand get the feeling of pooing themselves and decide that they don’t like it. They’ve also usually figured out that the people around them don’t wear nappies either.

I think I’ve suggested doing this very simple progress checker. Did you manage to do it?

That's a little unkind and harsh. 😵‍💫 My youngest daughter was the same and flatly refused to try and use the toilet or potty properly, and was in pull-ups for the first couple of terms in Reception. She'd been to the nursery at the school before starting so had no issues being around other children, nor (seemingly!) any embarrassment of wearing a pull-up.

The fact she was later getting toilet trained isn't a reflection on parenting, and the same applies to the OP. My older two children had no problems toilet training.

Sometimes it's not the parents, it's the child. And yes, people are all different, and meet milestones at different times. It doesn't make parents inherently terrible people who aren't able to look after their DC.😖

Yes I’ve been persistent! We had another wee in the potty today but that’s it. As others have said, I’ll get rid of the potty tonight and introduce the toilet tomorrow and see how we go. Maybe not doing it in the living room will help her! And good idea with the bribes!

Yes I am! But will try toilet tomorrow

I don't think we should be normalising 4 year olds in nappies / pull up nappies.

Who changed them in school?

Yeah I did and the answer was yes to the majority of the questions which is good! There’s a few areas for improvement but I don’t think she’s that behind if at all.

Technically no she shouldn’t have a bottle at 4 but my daughter did and she is now at school and absolutely fine and her teeth are also fine. Bed time nappies don’t stress too much they will do it when they’re ready my eldest didn’t get dry until 5 yet my youngest at 2. Not one size fits all and yes they probably shouldn’t have these things but sometimes there’s bigger battles at play etc x

@ForeverDelayedEpiphany the OP has admitted they babied her DD, so does have to take some responsibility

I sort of find that hard to believe because I feel you’ve done it for your convenience. I feel like you’ve kept her as a baby for your own sake why on earth would you keep those 3 things in place till they are 4 I’ve got a 4 year old and I’m looking at her thinking it’s virtually impossible to keep her in nappies with a bottle and dummy. It’s crazy but I’d go cold turkey on all 3.

Has she had accidents on the floor, or just not toileting much?

Lots of praise for getting anything in the toilet or potty.

I know with my youngest I started training on a Friday morning, I was semi confident taking him on an 45min car drive on the Sunday.

Trust me changing a 4 year olds nappy is anything but convenient! Especially when you’re out and about and they barely fit on the changing table!

Oh wow that was quick from him! We’ve had a whole load of accidents on the floor :/

I strongly recommend bribery. Your choice of bribe obviously is tailored to your child’s weaknesses or obsessions eg my dd1 loved mr men books so she got a new one if she got 20 stars in the week, her counting was excellent, dd2 didn’t get delayed gratification so it was cars (second hand, sometimes recycled from the bottom of the toy box) each evening if she didn’t have an accident. Friends did chocolate buttons every time even

Sounds like she’s doing well but if the progress checker said that she needs some support I would contact your HV. Now is a really good time to do this as she can also, hopefully, support you with the potty training.

If it did say that she needs some support I would ask the HV to refer DD for a hearing test and some SaLT. The waiting lists are really long so it’s probably best to speak to the HV as soon as you can.

If the progress checker did say that she needs some support, I would also fill in these two before speaking to your HV as it will her s clearer picture of what’s going on, if anything

Ages & Stages

and the social & emotional Ages & Stages.

Those might not be the right ones though as I’m not too sure about your DD’s age. If they’re not the right ones and you want help finding the correct ones, just let us know.

Your DD does sound amazing but if she does need support it’s best to get that in place before she starts school

Thank you for all your support!