Is it OK to keep a bedtime bottle at age four?

[DearDog96]

In a recent post about my MIL’s comment towards DD it was highlighted that I needed to get her out of nappies, off the dummy and going to bed without her bottle. The dummy I took away straight away and we’ve been doing well since, and nappies we’re going to try this weekend. With a baby on the way in a few months time I’m inclined to leave the bottle for now as it’s only once a day and it’s her comfort before bed, plus I feel like I’ve rocked the boat enough already! What’s everyone’s thoughts? Did any of your kids keep the night bottle at 4+?

I don’t think anyone was suggesting that the OP leaves potty training up to the Nursery staff? The OP has said that she has started already this weekend.

Going to Nursery, even if it’s just 2 days a week will get her used to a busy environment, sharing with other DC and get her used to sitting at carpet time and eating with the other DC.

Lots will be but they'll have been there since babies.
It will be unsettling to be just getting to know nursery kids / staff and nursery routines when she's leaving.
Even if she gets a place for May that's barely 16 weeks. No doubt Op has a holiday / time off planned, so down to 14 weeks.
Is it really worth unsettling her for 14 weeks ?
Then consider the costs, if she can even find a place.

I don't know how nursery funding works in England but when I was dealing with it in Scotland you needed to apply Jan / Feb time for funding in the next academic year.
So to get funding now academic year 25/26 you would needed to have applied Jan or Feb 2025

There won't be many kids who haven't been to nursery but their is bound to be some. School will be used to dealing with the kids who have never been. And remember a generation ago nursery wasn't that common

How severely autistic is he? I suspect those on the milder side of the spectrum can be trained although might take longer. Whereas we know there would be no point trying to potty train my son who has limited speech at four and who acts 12-18 younger than he is. He currently takes nappy off and puts his trousers back on but then just has an accident and he is totally oblivious to it . I don't think he is going to be ready for school but we will give it a try.

You were lucky!

My point was that everyone on the spectrum is different, as are NT children. My nibling who is NT is bedwetting at age 10 and my ND child hasn't had an accident since she was 3.

If your son isn't ready then he isn't ready. Schools are much more tolerate of you have a diagnosis. I'd give potty training a try over the summer if I was you. The weather's good and it's easier to dry clothes. If he doesn't get it after a few weeks then stop and try again in 6 months.

My child is very high functioning. Academically she is brilliant. She struggles with social, emotional development, has sensory issues, and has difficulty with fine motor skills. The spectrum is huge and more star shaped than line shaped.

My two were 4 when they gave up the bottle. Don’t sweat it.

No to a bottle at 4. Way overdue getting rid.
As far as nappies, some kids take longer to be dry at night but it's worth checking there's no issues if it continues. I wouldn't be too concerned at the moment.

The daughter is wearing nappies during the day time. Not potty trained

I think a 4 year old who has been developmentally held back like this would benefit from a solid year in nursery, even part time, before starting school. The new school term is mere months away and she’d be fresh out of nappies, with hardly any time gaining independence toileting herself, and no experience of an early years setting. A year of nursery and some time to learn how to wipe her own bum (!) would be a benefit to her, before sending her to school full time 5 days a week. But then I think all children should be starting closer to 6 years old as more and more are doing now here in Scotland. A 4 year old child this held back in the baby stages of behaviours is unlikely to be ready for full time schooling. It’s not as simple as trying to rapid fire potty train her.

Maybe but Scottish rules don't apply they are in England. She's probably too old to defer in England, I think its their April, May, June, July babies who can defer.

Even if op went looking for a nursery this week / next week it would be May before she started, barely 16/17 weeks to September.
She'd be barely settled in when it would be time to leave and get used to a whole new set of rules.
The leaving / graduate stuff will happen early July, half way through the time she'd have in nursery. I think that would be really confusing for her.

She effectively has 121 care with the adults around her they need to get her toilet trained in the 18 weeks.

I’d be really interested to hear benefits of so many deferrals in Scotland. There must be a massive age range now in classes and I’d be interested how that works as the children get older.

I deferred my oldest when only Jan / Feb babies could (our cut of is end of Feb) September to December babies needed a good reason to defer or they wouldn't get the extra years nursery funding.

That seemed a logical way to have things set up, 14 mths in a year group.

After covid Scot Gov who do things without thinking stuff through decided to remove the barriers to Sept-Dec babies deferring, in a backhanded way to be more "Scandinavian".

So yes 18 mths in a year group. Far too big. A lot of the materials used in P1 is too babyish for 6 year olds.
I also think the age gap between 10.5 and 12 is massive which is what you'll have in a P7 class at the start of the year.

And then get to the other end of the scale those deferred babies legally can leave school at 16, Christmas S4, before sitting Nat5 exams (equivalent of GCSE).

So many kids seem to be struggling with anxiety etc etc ending up on reduced timetables schools bending over backwards to keep them in school.
But if they can legally leave why would schools bother?

I'm not convinced the deferring is as good as its cracked up to be

Scot Gov are not implementing it correctly (no surprises there) but deferral works very well depending on the school. As with everything else, it all depends on the school and teaching staff. My child attends a private school and deferral is the norm and encouraged. The area has good schools in general and everyone we know who has deferred, private or otherwise, has nothing but good things to say about it. I can absolutely see how some schools will not be dealing with the age range effectively. It should be handled better all round but I do also see too many children being sent off to school at 4 and it’s a disaster for them.

Maybe swap the milk for water? Mine is 4 at the end of the month and has a bottle of water in a sippy bottle at night time. She keeps it beside her in bed. I know that i get thirsty sometimes during the night and like a sip of water if i wake up so why shouldn't she? If i left a cup of water on her bedside table then it would end up everywhere.

I think there is a huge difference between making sure your DC have access to water at night in a safe way and giving them one or two bottles of milk a day

There is, however i'm giving the OP a tip for the night time 😊

But if her kid wants to drink milk out of a bottle of an afternoon at home, then it isn't doing anyone any harm. Other than the risk of possible tooth decay at the front, however that can be mitigated. If my little one wamted a bottle of cows milk, I'd give them it. My childs harmless happiness is more important than what other people think about what is appropriate at what age.

And think she finds the change and loss of comfort challenging hence why we probably haven’t pushed her as much as we should’ve

All sorts! Sometimes we go out, she plays games, we play in the garden, arts and crafts, TV or tablet time.

I don’t think she really minds it tbh. She’s happy and comfortable. And yes I certainly won’t miss it but then it’s not that bad when it’s your own child is it!

Her teeth are apparently fine but we didn’t mention the bottle or dummy to him

Yes she can do most of that! She can’t do buttons too well and obviously doesn’t wipe her own bum as she’s been in nappies up until now

She doesnt have swimming lessons but we go swimming often

Yes and she can do most of it

Yes she can do lots of this

What on earth even is this comment? Why would me not mentioning my mum mean I had a difficult upbringing? Where is the logic and connection here or are you just jumping to conclusions and trying to make something up about someone to make yourself feel better and/or superior. My upbringing was fine thanks and my mother is super supportive.

please think before you post next time. Your comment could have been extremely offensive to those who did indeed have difficult upbringings, deceased parents etc. be supportive and not judgemental.