Am I a mean mum

[Userjal]

I’m new to this - my child has a friend from school over to play today as it’s the school holidays, all pre arranged. My child normally plays with a couple of the neighbourhood kids on the street, they come and call and they all play together. Obviously I can’t be responsible for my child’s friend to play on the street so. The kids that normally play together came knocking this morning and i politely sent them away. They looked at me like a was cruel and looked real upset. Surely I can’t be expected to have everyone playing on my house. I’m a people pleaser so feel awful haha

I agree it was right to say no. I would be annoyed if my child had been invited by a friend for a playdate if they came home saying lots of other children came in too (if I was unaware of this) and that the host child then didn't play with them.
I think it's fine to have a casual gathering if you are happy with that approach, but if hosting a playdate then you are right to turn down random callers.

Have you ever considered that you might be the safe place to be for these kids ?

If it's a cul-de-sac then I'd just throw them all out to play, without a second thought.

It's very interesting that on the "screen-time" threads, parents complain that kids aren't allowed out to play like in 'the old days', but the same parents then prevent their kids from playing out when the opportunity presents itself!

If other parents care, then they won't send their DC around again! Personally I'd think there's nothing more depressing than a 'play date' where they sit inside on screens.

Why can't they play out? In daylight?

Try and explain?

OT, I know, but I’m reminded of an incident many years ago when a small boy knocked on our door and asked whether my brother could come and play.

DF didn’t recognise the boy, not a close neighbour, so asked who he was.

‘I’m Bristlebonce’s bruvver.’

Many times afterwards my DF would nearly wet himself laughing when telling of Bristlebonce and Bristlebonce’s bruvver. 🤣

There’s always going to be times your child is unavailable, and this was one of them. Why would you feel bad?

Ours play in the street but it is pedestrian, which I think makes a huge difference to how comfortable the parents feel about it. They are also constantly in and out of each other’s houses.
There are currently an indeterminate number of the kids from the street doing chalk pavement art and firing water guns at targets painted on side of our garden shed.
Generally if the kids friends come round I check what the parents are comfortable with them doing and go with that. Some prefer they are supervised, some happy for them to play independently in house/garden and some are happy for them to play on street or go to local park etc and some are allowed further afield than my two would be. It’s very variable what people are happy for their kids to do on their own.

Not at all unreasonable. Your child already had other plans and a guest, having other people crash would have changed the dynamic.

Who said they were on screens? Children can play indoors too!!
Totally normal OP for a child to be unavailable, for many reasons. Having a guest is one of those. Surely the kids are used to this?

🤣🤣🤣

I think I'd have asked my dd and friend if they wanted to go outside to play with the others.

YABU with the "haha"

No, you say “Sorry neighbour children , little User has a friend/guest over today so won’t be playing out. See you tomorrow.”

Always go with your instinct.

Turning the neighbours kids away is fine. You did nothing wrong.

Does nobody just check with the others kid's parents what they're allowed to do? I always just ask if they're happy for their kids to play out or if they would prefer they were supervised.

Anyway you done the right thing.

Back in the 90’s my ex’s daughter about 8 went to a party at a girls house. There was 15 kids including the party girl. They asked if they could play out and the mum let them.😳Even back then I was shocked. The street they lived on is quiet. The top end is a dead it. backs onto the cemetery. But the bottom end backs onto a main road and there’s a lake on that road. I wouldn’t have been happy if she was my child. But her mum was fine with it.

I hate to this word. Can be a real put down. And used by some people as a get out saying, t You know the types who have nothing really to say.

But they they look cool and in control

This word just closes everything down straight away. to trivialise events in life.

When I was 8 I was out every night playing - this was in the 70s. It was quite normal then.

No. You’re not a mean mum.

If you let other people’s kids play out, you’re fully responsible for them and would never forgive yourself if they came to any harm.

But best to explain to kids the reason (which TBF maybe you did). Otherwise, they may misunderstand your reasoning, e.g. you don’t let your child play out with them when they call if your child has a better option.

Yes that’s fine but the mum was responsible for 15 kids.

Interesting how times change.

What’s now called ‘overthinking’ used to be called ‘thoughtful’.

Absolutely loved this. Thanks for posting it.

If the remark wasn't so awful it would make a really good standard up comedy joke.

I think you are a responsible person for thinking about other people's children. Hope you can get something sorted. So everybody is happy.

🤞👍🙋💁