Ex expects extra child care for holiday, but I cannot manage

[Ref5217]

I’m interested in opinions please. I have my children every other weekend and Thursday evenings for food. My ex has told me, not asked, but told me that I am having my children Thursday to Monday so she can go on holiday with her husband. I have told her I cannot do this, due to work Friday and Monday. she has told me that it’s down to me to arrange childcare for the Thursday and Sunday nights. I know I will collect the children from school on Thursday and when I go to take them home, she would have gone on holiday. What can I do about this? I’ve told her repeatedly I can’t do it, but once they are with me, they will end up being with me because they have nowhere else to go!

How does it work when you go on holiday? Does your ex have to look after the children?

Well, they're your children.
You need to arrange childcare.
Try nanny agencies.

Is it a court agreed plan? How often does she do this? I’d make it work, she does most of the heavy lifting.

How much notice did she give? Is there a childcare agreement? As a parent you will have entitlement to time off so talk to your work. It's a childcare emergency and many parents have to cope.

Honestly i would say tough titty she does by far the most.

Has this never come up before?

Is it a shirt notice thing, or just a "I'll never do it" thing?

Can you book holiday? I mean, presumably they're at school anyway, so why can't you have them and take them to school etc?

She only unreasonable if she hadn’t given u a bit of notice

Oh come on, you barely see your own children - you can definitely manage for a few days so their mother can have a break 🙄

You'll manage.

If you don’t have to take any days off work for childcare at the moment, you are exceptionally lucky as a parent! Surely you can take a couple in this situation?

Organize wrap around care.
Ask her for more notice next time.
if she does this all the time you’d be in your rights to ask for more set days but doesn’t sound like you want that.

You have pretty minimal time with your children. Take some annual leave days or arrange care. Unless she's doing this a lot or not giving you any notice, it seems quite fair that she gets a break sometimes.

Is this your weekend or is this her weekend? What extra is asked of you? Instead of dropping them off on thursday back to their mum you need to drop them off to school on Friday and Monday? Or is this your childfree weekedn and she just announced it?

Husband?

Omg poor woman. How many years has it been since she went on a holiday

You hardly see your children anyway.

If they're ill, do you take time off work to look after them? No? Then their mother does.

You'll have to arrange some annual leave. Or ask for parental leave.

You have them 2 days out of 14. Step up and sort out time off work or childcare. Stop being so feeble.

It's the school holidays

It's the school holidays

Aaaahahahahaha. Nice try.

Hire a nanny. Pay for child care or take time off work.
Unless the children are over 14 they can not stay alone so maybe you'll have to take them to work.

So take two days off OP.

How does your ex manage when the dcs are ill? She takes a day off. That's normal. All parents have the right to ask for emergency time off to care for children, including you. That's normal. Welcome to being a dad !!!

Now Google childcare/nannies/holiday clubs in your area and get it sorted out. This is what your ex has to do every day of every week all year, so I'm sure you can manage it for just two days.

If you are complaining about a request to care for your own children two additional nights in your very lightweight schedule so their mother can have a short one-off holiday, I doubt you will find much sympathy here. Take some leave or arrange a babysitter.

OP
Can you not take a few days off?

Book annual leave, majority of mum's leave is used for childcare purposes to cover illness, gp appointments, teacher training days etc etc and we keep leave back for this purpose..

Maybe be excited to have some extra time and plan some activities…simple
stuff like baking a movie popcorn the park a museum. Enjoy this extra time. Reach out to family/friends/ church member or the spouse of a coworker if you need to hire some help to cover while you work. Take vacation or leave call off with family situation or lie and say illness if it’s that big a hill to climb and enjoy the extended time with your children