Am I hot housing?

[hothouser]

I can’t work out if I’m trying to hot house my son, or if I’m just doing similar to everyone else.

My son isn’t very sporty. He loves cycling, skiing, surfing, swimming, running about, playing Mario kart and Minecraft on the switch. Hugely into Lego, building stuff, imaginative games and art (despite not being very good at drawing).

I ask him to play tennis twice a week, cricket once a week.

He swims three times a week outside of school, and once a week in school.

He probably would quit tennis and cricket given half a chance but because we’ve already let him bin football and rugby I’m reluctant to let him do that. He doesn’t hate them, he just doesn’t love it.

Am I pushing too much, hot housing or doing the right thing?

I had a fairly neglectful childhood so I really don’t have a good basis on which to parent properly.

Please offer some advice if you can!

It does seem a bit weird to make him do two sports he isn't really into when there are other sports he does like, and he's already doing extracurricular swimming three times a week. If you are worried he won't be active enough (which doesn't seem a problem to me with all the swimming), is there maybe a junior triathlon club in your area so he can do the sports he actually enjoys?

You are being very unfair on him. Its not as if hes spending his days inactive, hes already doing plenty of sport.

You said he isn’t sporty and then rambled off a list of sports he loves doing. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Plus a few you’re forcing him into. Minecraft is definitely not a sport, but surfing and skiing are. I don’t see the issue.

You don’t say how old he is, but short of 10/11, I think this is too much especially if he doesn’t enjoy it. My 13 year old trains 12 hours a week in a competitive sport because she loves it. At her age, I was in an independent school specifically to train at a (totally different) sport, because I loved it.

My 8 year old does cubs once a week and doesn’t really love it. I’m currently only holding on to it because he used to absolutely love it, but the leaders have changed and they aren’t great. I’m hoping he will enjoy it again in the summer when they are outdoors again more. We usually go swimming once a week as a family.

Realistically, your ds is not going to have some great sporting career if he doesn’t absolutely love it. So why all the pressure? Or why not stop with the stuff he doesn’t love so he can do stuff he does. Cut tennis and cricket but take him surfing on the weekend. Or do parkrun as a family if he likes to run. Or hiking and a picnic every Saturday. You can be very sporty without playing competitive team sports.

Problem is, we can’t ski/surf weekly. I wish we could.

He’s at a very sporty school, I’m trying to make sure he doesn’t get left behind

I don't understand why you are making him do those sports if he doesn't love them.
Out of school activities, apart from learning how to swim should be a choice for the child.
Let him tru different things and commit to a term if you have to pay upfront but apart from that it should be his choice.

No.

it’s a verb and it changes like this;

I am making sure my child reaches his potential
she is being a tiger mother
he is hot housing.

How old is he?
Why is he at a very sporty school if that isn't his natural fit?

He’s in year 3. It’s the best school in the area.

I don't see the point of pushing him. Let him focus on his interests.

Sport should be:

• for health and fitness (he's already doing enough with his swimming)
• for fun and the social aspect, if they like it
• occasionally for a possible career, if they love it and are talented

I think it’s good to do one sport of his choice purely for fitness and health. However if he’s not sporty I think you’re being a bit strange making him do a whole load of sports that he doesn’t enjoy.

I know you can't ski and surf weekly, that's why I suggested triathlon, given that he already swims and enjoys cycling and running.

I can’t understand why you’d force your child into doing something he doesn’t want to do when the thing you’re making him do isn’t conducive to a full and happy life. Would you have someone forcing you into an activity that you didn’t want to do? I wouldn’t.

You say force, that’s fairly emotive. He never argues with me about tennis or cricket. He enjoys them, but just doesn’t love them. He’d probably quit them if he was given a choice because he’d rather come home and play Mario kart…

And don’t we all have to do things every week that we’d maybe rather not do?

That is a lot for year 3. Let him be a kid and just play.

If he doesn't hate tennis and cricket I would let him stay with them at year 3. It is exercise, he will know how to play a game of tennis or cricket as an adult, it is a good way to spend time and is a team sport. If he hated it it would be different he just doesn't love them. He can give them up when he is older if he wants.

Hot housing to me would be enrolling him in year-round ski school or hiring a coach so he can do better at sport he doesn't love (loads of parents near me would do this).

Not a 7/8 year old with activities though. They should be for fun, if he doesn’t want to do them he shouldn’t have to. Find something he does like.

Let him be his own child not the one you or the school or other parents think he should be.

Yes but not things I don’t have to do, it things like paying bills, cleaning the house, cooking dinner, I am not forcing myself to play tennis twice a week… and my husband would love it if I did as he plays tennis.
you also state you are worried about him falling behind! Falling behind what in sport? Activity and sport should be for the fun of and it you are lucky you might excel and like the person who went to a school for their sport… I was excellent at swimming but never made the olympics. I think in no metric would anyone ever state I had fallen behind.

This is a bit ridiculous.

At one point your ‘non-sporty’ 7/8 year old was doing swimming 4 times a week (if you include school), cricket, tennis, rugby and football? If he was pushing for all this then it would be a different matter.

You don’t want him to be left behind because he goes to a ‘sporty school’. How exactly will he be left behind? He’s in year 3 ffs!!

Honestly, the way you were describing his schedule made me think he was in his early teens and following passions. Sport and exercise should be for fun at this age, it should be something the child enjoys. You shouldn’t be having to reluctantly ‘let’ them drop football/rugby- you let them try different things, you don’t force it. You’re completely missing the point, you’re putting too much pressure on him and possibly destroying any love for sport he might actually develop if given the chance.

I’m sorry, op, but an attitude of seeing life as a race to the top results in a miserable child.

How much free time does he have? Does he do something like cubs/scouts?

You are being unfair and i would go so far as to say cruel. Thats a lot of forced sports

What are you hoping to achieve by having him play these sports?

You’ve misunderstood some things. He wasn’t doing cricket or tennis or football when was he was doing rugby. He wasn’t doing cricket or tennis or rugby when he was doing football.

We didn’t put too much pressure on football or rugby, he absolutely hated them so we dropped them.

A lot of the boys at his school are sporty, I would hate for him to be left out because he’s not the same. Hence I’m trying to keep his hand in a couple of sports that he does vaguely enjoy.

Which ones?