Am I hot housing?

[hothouser]

I can’t work out if I’m trying to hot house my son, or if I’m just doing similar to everyone else.

My son isn’t very sporty. He loves cycling, skiing, surfing, swimming, running about, playing Mario kart and Minecraft on the switch. Hugely into Lego, building stuff, imaginative games and art (despite not being very good at drawing).

I ask him to play tennis twice a week, cricket once a week.

He swims three times a week outside of school, and once a week in school.

He probably would quit tennis and cricket given half a chance but because we’ve already let him bin football and rugby I’m reluctant to let him do that. He doesn’t hate them, he just doesn’t love it.

Am I pushing too much, hot housing or doing the right thing?

I had a fairly neglectful childhood so I really don’t have a good basis on which to parent properly.

Please offer some advice if you can!

It’s 2 hours a week of cricket and tennis combined. He’s happy while playing but just doesn’t love it, and would choose not to bother if given a chance. He’d rather be at home playing the switch

Tennis and cricket, the ones he would quit if given the chance.

And sometimes children need to be able to relax have a bit of down time and do what they want.
You say he is year 3 so only 7 or 8.
Does it matter if he doesn't keep up with the other boys at school? Why can't he just be himself. He is still very young

Hoping it helps with resilience, learning how to work as a team, hand/eye coordination, time with friends, fitness, time outside. Lots of things.

I’m pleased to read this.

I think I worry too much and compare too much.

I really only want the best for him.

He has a lot of free play time at home, especially at the weekends

@hothouser if he doesn't particularly like the sports, something like cubs would fulfil most of the things you ant him to learn, but in a more varied way

I've never heard of hot housing.
I do think you're wrong to push sports onto him when he doesn't enjoy it, especially when he is already very active with other activities. Pushing sport on him could kill his love of any exercise. I do remember reading some research a few years ago about pushing team sports on children leads to them having a bad relationship with exercise. It really resonated with me as I thought I hated exercise as a teen but as an adult I realised that I love exercise, I just don't enjoy competitive team sport.

The alternative should not be a switch/minecraft.

Is he musical/artistic?

FWIW DS and future Son in Law went to the local, alpha, sporty, highly academic scgool.

DS was a round peg in a round hole - Rugby, cricket, football - first teams, he had to drop hockey and swimming due to time commitments - and piano! Tennis is an occasional pursuit - he's 31 now.

SIL is Beta, not sporty, except rowing, very musical, very nerdy. He is a very successful, professional, as a grown up. School nearly finished him.

Your sons needs must be front and centre.

I think it's ridiculous you're making him do anything he doesn't enjoy. let him stop tennis and cricket, he is active enough. Kids need downtime. he's just a little kid, stop comparing him to his peers and putting pressure on him. he'll find his own way.

You called him BETA??

@hothouser not an Alpha male

He’s year 9? Thing is, if you make him use up his time doing things he doesn’t like, when does he have time to explore other things? There’s so many amazing things in the world, why funnel him into things he’s not keen on?

How long are each session, when are they held and what are the expectations of the progress

Is it more for fun and they turn up or is it taken dead shit seriously in terms of achievement?

Its 7 session a week, its about how else he spends his time and down time, who else he sees, does he have friends round for tea sort of thing

It doesn't sound like the best fit for him if it means you're forcing him to be someone he isn't

I have friends whose parents were like this and they are still angry with them as adults

Cricket is 35/40 mins, held at school, pretty chilled.

Tennis is 1 hour and some of the kids are aiming for county level and go 5 days a week etc

Is it a private school?

And the swimming when and how and how long is that held for

30 mins two week days, 30 mins sat morning. Extra curricular, chilled but working through the levels.

One session a week at school, split into levels, the teacher only really cares about the next great swim team ones

Yeah

Alpha (confident/dominant), Beta (reserved and less competitive).

I know what it means!

Yes. It sounds you like you are afraid of missing out socially because your son isn’t naturally sporty or you think that you can make your son sporty through the clubs. You know that your son will be telling everyone what he really thinks about sport right? you won’t be the only mum going through the motions of music lessons or whatever because they think it’s expected rather than their child wanting to do it.

Why wouldn’t you find clubs geared to his interests like the art?

Why did you post this?
It appears to be a genuine question in the OP, but then you're defensive with posts that think it is too much.
Was this just posted with a hope that people would tell you what an amazing parent you are for having your DC engaging with a long list of activities?

@hothouser do you want your son to be Alpha?

Why did you ask/post what you did then?