11 months- still not sleeping through

[Mamabeartotwo]

Please help!! My DS is 11 months and is still not sleeping through and I don’t know what to do. My eldest DD slept through from 4 months unless teething or sick (I appreciate this is earlier than the norm and I got lucky) but I have done very little differently, I didn’t even expect he would follow suit quite so early but 11 months?? I have friends whose babies are half the age and sleeping as well if not better. I don’t know what I am doing wrong? I have done everything I can think of. He falls asleep independently, his room is pitch dark, he has a bedtime routine since 4 months old, he eats 3 solid meals a day of great portions. 2 nap schedule with appropriate wake windows 3/3/4 and I feel we follow his cues well, when placed in the cot for bed and naps he rarely grumbles and falls asleep quickly so I don’t feel he is over/under tired. He is exclusively breastfed and still wakes 2-3 times a night and will not settle unless breastfed. I find it hard to believe he is hungry. I don’t really even know what I hope to gain from posting here? Solidarity? Hope from anyone who was in a similar situation and now their baby is sleeping better? What should I do? Will things only improve if I night wean and take away that comfort? I go back to work soon and I am beyond exhausted.

Dd1 slept through when she was about 18 months. Dd2 didn’t ever until she was past 3 and even now at 5 gets up sometimes. In my experience some children won’t sleep through until they drop all naps, get all their teeth and get all the early nursery type bugs out of the way and build their immune system.

What is a sleep through? Does it exist?

thank you for your response @Pyjamatimenow i don’t know how I would do another 2 years like this but then again I never thought I could do it for the first year and somehow have got through it. I appreciate your honesty.

I would definitely night wean at that age.

@Walkerzoo haha well it definitely does in my experience. My first slept 8-8 since 4 months old unless sick or cutting teeth, obviously she could just be a unicorn.

@marcyhermit yes I think you might be right. I have been giving in because it’s the quickest way to get everyone back to sleep and cause the least disruption over all but I think it is perpetuating the night wakes

I did mine a bit younger, about 9 months, and they slept through once I stopped breastfeeding at night.
I had already limited it to two feeds at night, around 10pm and 3am, and if they woke in between dad would go in with water.
First I dropped the 3am one by pushing it later and later until it kind of merged with the early morning feed, then I dropped the 10pm one. Think it only really worked because dad went to settle them though as if they saw me they wanted to breastfeed.

Mine didn't sleep through until she was over two, but she's an only so I had nothing to compare her to! She's an excellent sleeper now, so there is hope.

@marcyhermit thank you so much for your message. could you tell me a little bit more about the night weaning, you would just offer a sup of water instead and cuddle/rock back to sleep!? Or would you offer the water and then put back in the cot awake? I’m nervous to rock back to sleep, I fear this would just be replacing one crutch with another. How long did it take before your baby was successfully night weaned?

I don't know exactly what he did to be honest but I would imagine whatever cuddling or rocking they needed.
It didn't take very long, maybe a week?

@Latenightreader thank you for your message.
Also did any of you who had wakeful babies muster the strength to have another. We always said we would love 3 children but I don’t know if I could put myself through this again which makes me so sad to admit. Then again I know we are programmed to forget hahah

@marcyhermit ok great! Thank you again

My son was the same at that age. He started sleeping through around 12 months actually (also breastfed) but molars and illnesses kept interfering with that. Now at 18 months he sleeps 11 hours, no problem (he has all his teeth now).

Statistically, your first child is in the minority. You got lucky. I still keep in touch with my mum friends from the baby groups and most didn't start sleeping better until after 12 months and even better closer to 18 months too.

Sleep deprivation is shit and I was not prepared for it. It puts me off having a second child, not sure I can cope with another couple of years of no sleep.

The Return and Check method worked really well for me with my two. You do the bedtime routine then put baby down. You stay no longer than 60 seconds soothing him, if he needs you to do that, then leave the room. If he cries, you leave him for 3-4 minutes, then go in and say something like ‘shh, sleepy time” and stroke his hair or pat his bottom. You only stay for 60 seconds max each time and back again after 3-4 minutes if he continues to cry and continue to repeat until he goes back to sleep. Do that for a couple nights and he should sleep through. You might have to do it several times if he wakes more than once.

Like any other method you have to be consistent otherwise it won’t work. You’re basically teaching him that you come when he needs you but he is learning to self sooth. For me it felt like the kindest way to teach as I wasn’t letting my babies cry it out without reassuring them that I hadn’t left them and wasn’t coming back. It’s HARD because you don’t want to leave your crying baby, but it works.

I feel ya!! It's so hard.

My fella is 15 months and is nearly sleeping through but its hit or miss. I night weaned. He was bottlefed so cant give you advice there but it was a game changer. Now he might make 1 - 2 nights in the week, but the amount of full nights increased dramatically. It also got better once he was on the move, probably more tired and less frustrated.

I think part of it is you are frustrated. I went through a massive phase of that too. I moved my bedtime to earlier and tried to focus on the hours sleep I did get which was actually more than I thought I was getting when I added it up. The mental shift helped a lot, I was calmer with the baby, less frustrated, and felt less tired.

Honestly its just luck I think with sleep! I currently have 2 under 2, my 22 month old has still never slept through the night, my nearly 4 month old already sleeps through the night and has for a few weeks now (although I know the 4 month regression will arrive soon and this will probably stop), I’ve done absolutely nothing differently it’s just different babies!

I could have written your post. I’m in that mode of do I night wean and get a full night - just wakens once but quick feed back to sleep.

however friends have warned me it didn’t help sleep and then I’d lost my quick crutch back to sleep if that makes sense?

Mine didn't sleep until 4. Stopped night feeding at 16 months I think. Didn't change anything. They both woke hourly. Eldest now diagnosed with ADHD. I think if I'd known it was just their brain wired to be thinking constantly all night rather than anything i did then it would have helped!

Your first was definitely a unicorn!! Never heard of a baby do that!

My first was dreadful, up 6 times a night still at 1 when I conceived baby number 2. He eventually slept through at 3.

My second was an amazing sleeper as a baby but teething and an illness combined at 1 and she stopped sleeping through and still awakes about twice a night at 2. So very much luck of the draw I think

My boy was has been the worst sleeper of my 3. Started around age 4 months. He went through awful split nights for about a year where he’d wake a 1am stay awake 3 hours then go back to sleep at 4am! I can’t pretend the girls are better sleepers by far but he has definitely been the absolute worst! By the way he is a twin and I’m a single parent 😂 - I tried everything in desperation absolutely nothing worked it was just a case of time and age and now he is at school he is a lot better (still takes ages to fall asleep independently though and that can be an hour or more of messing around!) - he is a very needy child and always been insecure and very much a mummy’s boy and I just think it’s taken a lot time for him to be feel secure that I’m not going anywhere and also competing for my attention keeping me up all night seemed to be his tactic!

I found that while breastfeeding, my baby would not settle for me without a feed. Dad however - no milk on offer and therefore he found it much easier to settle baby!

My 4.5 year old has only slept through once (and that was after sedation for a hospital procedure).
No sign of my 10 month old DD sleeping through anytime soon either. I look as rough as I feel

My daughter is about the same age as your DS. She has only recently started to sleep through (7.30-6) and it's not consistent. We had a big setback over half term as she was unwell so I bf a lot but we are getting back on track.

When she wakes we let her cry for at least 5 minutes as she often goes back to sleep independently. If she's still up, DH goes in and gives her a cuddle then puts her down awake. She'll often chatter and then settle. I refuse to feed before 4am.

Incidentally, I'm now pregnant again! I accept this is just a phase of life where I'll have less sleep and it's worth it for the family we want 🥰

@Mamabeartotwo I am in a very similar boat! DD is 10 months and on two wakes a night. The big difference is my firstborn was a NIGHTMARE sleeper so I thought this wasn’t too bad. DS woke constantly throughout his first year, I was an absolute mess. We night weaned at 12 months and it did improve his sleep but we still had split nights, multiple wakes, early wakes… so worth doing but by no means a silver bullet. The good news is he gradually got better, sleeping through some nights and usually only one wake on others by 18 months, and by 2 was absolutely bomb proof through the night. We night weaned with DH cuddling him back to sleep every wake.

DD we keep debating about how to reduce the night wakes. Unlike DS she won’t tolerate DH going in at night which makes things harder. I’m officially off duty after settling the second wake (usually over by 4 or 5am) until DH starts work about 8:30 and that block of sleep is what keeps me going. In answer to how we managed having another one: I just genuinely forgot how viscerally awful the sleep was and it seemed a price worth paying when planning a second… I think it was pure hormones…

You're 11mo isn't a bad sleeper, your first was a unicorn and you had an unusual experience.

Most babies still wake at 11m.

Most start sleeping through anywhere from about a year -5 I think. I wouldn't expect a baby to sleep through.

@Mamabeartotwo I’m in a very similar boat. My first slept through from 6 months old, well he then started the day at 5am until 12 months old when it stretched out to 7am.

My second is 10 months old and she’s still waking up twice in the night.

For me I bottle/formula fed my first and I’m breastfeeding my second, so I keep getting told when I stop she will sleep through but I’m doubtful. If anything I will have lost the easy resettling solution of feeding her. She also doesn’t take as much milk in the day so this way she gets a good amount of milk. I just really miss sleeping and I go back to work next week.

So I don’t have a solution yet, just that I’m in a similar boat.