To continue pregnancy or not…

[QuaintLilacBee]

Please note I don’t want any anti-abortion messages or people telling me how disgusting it is to abort.

here’s my situation:

found out I was pregnant 2 days ago. I currently have 2 children, 9 and 3. My eldest child now lives with his dad. Me and my partner (the father of my 3 year old), have been together for 5 years and have a pretty stable relationship. However:

• my last pregnancy was PPROM, waters broke at 23 weeks, constant monitoring throughout pregnancy, and ended up septic in labour - there’s a risk of this happening again
• my partner works but I’m currently a SAHM
• we live in a 1 bed flat, actively bidding for properties with the council but getting nowhere, and cannot afford private rent
• i have 4 cats and I am unwilling to just ‘get rid of them’ - I don’t agree with this, they are a lifetime commitment not a throwaway
• We have no family support/babysitter - our son doesn’t go anywhere, nobody will have him, this would be the same for another child, so have to do it completely alone
• my 3 year old is currently under SEN at school, awaiting assessment for potential special education needs

im asking for advice if people think I should continue or terminate the pregnancy. I don’t want lectures about terminations, cats, or my housing situation. I’m very early in the pregnancy, est 4 weeks, so I have enough time to make a choice.

I did have both my eldest and youngest here for the first 2 years of my youngest son’s life. When he was a baby he shared our bedroom until he was 1 year old (we turned the living room into a bedroom) and then he shared his room with his eldest brother, so wouldn’t be very different from this.

thank you

I wouldn't keep it in those circumstances.

Thank you - I currently have this stance, but would like to be sure before I go ahead, as there’s no turning back once it’s done.

You'd be sensible not to TBH

Sweetheart it's your choice. You are entitled to terminate and if that's what you want you should look into it ASAP. I'm sorry you're going through this. Take care of yourself. 💐

I would terminate

I have seen other threads that are similar and some posters were calling the OP disgusting and immoral for terminating a pregnancy, so I was hesitant to post this

You don't have to take any notice of anyone who says that. It's your body and your life and it's a medical procedure that you have a legal right to.
The only thing that matters is that it's your decision.

I guess the question is whether you could cope with having another child in your current setup? Do you have the space (could take many years to get a more suitable property), time (particularly given your SEN child's needs) and resources to meet the need of another child? And how do you think another child would impact your existing children? Would your youngest find it hard to share you particularly given their SEN? Would the oldest child feel replaced or resentful? All of these are questions only you can answer.

Whilst pro choice in principle, there are few circumstances in which I would terminate personally. But tbh your circumstances sound like ones where I might, particularly given how early on you are. I feel overwhelmed just thinking about trying to manage a baby alongside everything else you have going on.

In your shoes I would seriously consider a termination. You’ve enough on your plate.
Get some robust contraception and revisit having another child once you have a house and are in a better position.

Hope for the best, plan for the worst.

If something happens to your eldest son’s dad, you’d have 5 people and 4 cats in a one bed. It’s not feasible. And SEN are often genetic so you might have a lot to contend with with no support. I have just DD with SEN, and no support and it was a lot when she was little.

Thank you for your input. He is due to have an assessment soon, SENCO have advised he may have autism, although not high functioning. I won’t know this for sure until he’s assessed properly.

Also it sounds like there's a reasonable risk you owould be hospitalised during pregnancy or have a preemie. How would that work if you weren't there to care for your youngest? Do you have people who would step up?

i most certainly considered the impact it could have on both children. They could take it either way, or one child might be happy and the other child may not be. I have no intention of upsetting either child, and nothing in the world can replace my first born - it would be heartbreaking to consider he would think this.

This is absolutely possible, I have researched into this and people who have had PPROM in prior pregnancies are at a much higher risk for it to happen again - I was lucky my child held on to 37 weeks before I was induced, but your completely right - if it happened again, the child could very well be premature.

Please don't think I think you are trying to replace him. I can just see it would be hurtful to no longer live with your mum and for to thek have another baby. But perhaps they would enjoy having another sibling and wouldn't think of it that way?

He appeared very happy when I had his little brother, and he’s very good with him - but circumstances was different, he was still living with me at the time, so don’t think he considered he was being ‘replaced’ as he was still here also - however with another, since he moved out, he may think this, so you are correct.

Oh golly, in your circs op, I’d be terminating. I’m sorry you are in this position - watertight contraception going forward regardless of your choice here.

100% - my partner is going to look into getting the snip now - he is 40 this year and already has 3 children - one with me, and twins from a prior relationship.

It's completely your decision as to whether you continue with the pregnancy.

I had a termination last year for 2 of the reasons you have given in your OP.

Take care 💐

Sorry to hear this - I hope your doing well.

Do you want another child?

Those people won't be there at 2am to help when the going gets tough. So their opinion is completely irrelevant.

@QuaintLilacBee I'd terminate in your circumstances OP. Another baby will only make your life, and everyone else's, way harder. And it sounds bloody hard as it is. To say nothing of the serious medical risks to you. You want to be fit and healthy for your other two kids (and the cats). Take care.

I think you've a hard enough road right now, OP.

💐

Very premature children often have SEN.
Just pointing out it may not be genetic in this case.