dd induced tomorrow and im unwell

[lunarwhisper]

Trying to keep this brief

My dd is 15 and she's 3 days overdue we went to the hospital yesterday for reduced movements all fine but she's been booked in for an induction tomorrow

We arent the closest and werent before the pregnancy either due to her behaviour at the time and she was living with her dad for a few months befoe she found out but i was meant to be her birthing partner .

Since shes been off school we have been closer and going out together when my younger dc are at school but we did have an argument as she wants to call the baby something ridiculous and she called me controlling

The dad isnt the nicest of boys and tbh neither is his dad ive only spoke to him once and that was when i told him dd was pregnant and he said how did his son know its his and called dd a slag

They eventually broke up and he was bullying her along with his friends in school which made her anxious about attending , she blocked him and they had no contact from december until recently , they aren't back together but apparently he does want to be involved

Anyway fast forward to the issue, she is due to be induced tomorrow and I've woken up today vomiting and I don't feel the greatest. The dc’s dad aren't really involved tbh but the plan was he come here and be with the dc (though they'll not be home during the day) and I go with dd. Im now unsure what to do as I wont be much help to dd and obviously with a bug on the labour ward wont be good anyway

The dad is under 16 so i doubt just then would be allowed and I dont think dd would want him there anyway , i don't know if shed want her dad there either(i wouldnt have wanted mine there at 15 and we were much closer than dd and her dad) and im unsure how much use he’d be

What the hell do we do??

Why is she being induced? Could it be delayed safely for two days?

What a stressful situation. You can't be at the birth if you've been vomiting - that's a given. Where is your daughter living now? Is she with you? What are her plans for after the baby's born?

Do you think it’s a bug or could it be from the stress? I agree if they could delay the induction for another 24-48 hours till you’re feeling better. She will definitely want her mum there.

@greencheetah reduced foetal movements at 3 days overdue

Can you be on a video call with her and the midwives support her? When I’ve seen posts on here about partners not being able to attend or relationships breaking down and having no birth partner many people have said that the midwives will be there and very supportive.

You could hire a doula to advocate for her and support her inside the delivery suite

For a first baby the induction may take a while anyway. They get you in and then wait a bit for a space and it can take a long time to get going . I wouldn’t delay due to the reasons they are inducing

See if her dad can take her there and explain to a sympathetic midwife, rather than expecting to stay throughout? I would hope that the maternity staff would be kind to a minor child on her own.

Or is there a capable grandmother or aunt who could take over?

Aren’t social services involved with an underage pregnancy? Could you speak to the social worker?

She will have to go it alone. She's obviously decided she's mature enough to have a baby so she will be fine.

Go to bed and hope for the best, you may wake up and feel better. Can you get somebody to get some Buccal from the chemist for you? I honestly can’t see anything else that you could do! Is there not Auntie or Nanna?

😳

Have you got a teen dd?

Op if this were my dd unless I was on deaths door I’d be there.

Is it a bug or could you just be stressed out/ate something dodgy?

It’s good your dd wants you there, she is going to need you. I think you probably need to bite your tongue re baby names etc, perfect your poker face and head tilt 😉

if this were my dd unless I was on deaths door I’d be there

And potentially infect your newly born grandchild; your daughter whose just given birth; and other vulnerable babies and their mothers too. Why would you?

OP, do you have a trusted friend or other relative? Could you find two people to go with her, eg her dad and a female relative?

It’s not ok to risk taking norovirus or similar into a maternity unit!

And if the midwives saw you vomiting you'd be chased straight back out of the door so that your virus didn't infect them and god knows how many other patients.

Shes being induced due to the reduced movements and as she's now overdue I dont think shed want to delay it as she's been fed up since the beginning of Jan.

i do think its a bug as my youngest seemed off the other day and vomited once but she soon perked up though i havent. Social services aren't involved. We have no supportive family unfortunately apart from her dad (and he isnt especially supportive/involved in their lives)

it couldn't have come at a worse time

She's vomiting. You don't take chances where newborn babies are concerned.

I’m sorry @lunarwhisper, what a time to be ill. 💐. I think her Dad will have to go with her given that both you and your youngest have been unwell. You can’t risk giving a virus to a newborn.

It’s a real shame but she’ll be ok.

I have and I’d definitely stay at home. Do try to find a friend or relative to go but I wouldn’t go. It’s preposterous to think you can assist someone during a birth while throwing up.

You absolutely can't leave your 15 year old to give birth alone. Birth. Alone. 15. It would horrify me to do, and I'm mid 30's and have done it before.

Call the midwives. Explain your situation - ask if they have isolation rooms available. If they say no, and they can't accommodate you, ask to speak to a safeguarding lead. Make a fuss.

And hope your DD doesn't catch it in the meantime.

My 16 year old had her waters break due to a stomach bug so she had to go into hospital and be isolated on the maternity unit!

They will let the dad in as well if she wants it, regardless of age.

She needs an advocate though, all well and good PP commenting on her being old enough to have a baby blah blah, but the staff treated my daughter like a hysterical child. They never examined her, she asked and asked for painrelief but kept getting told she wasn’t in labour, and she ended up giving birth after her sister bodily moved her from the toilet when she saw the babies head coming out, still in her isolated ante natal room. The midwives got one glove on before he was born then claimed on the paperwork she had a 9 second second stage labour.

@tryingtobehelpfultoday Her Dad could accompany her instead though.

I agree that it’s shitty, but she can’t risk passing on a bug to a newborn.

You are probably not contagious, most of us would be vomiting and unwell if our 15 year old was about to give birth.

If she is in your house and you do have a bug she has already been exposed. Hospitals have strict hygiene measures in place and if it were me I would take an antiemetic, put on a mask and my big girl pants and be there for her.

If you are genuinely sick, is there someone else supportive who can go, such as an aunt, grandmother or friend?

I think the hospital would have a hard neck denying a young birthing woman her support person of choice based on them not being 16. Hospitals don't usually ask for ID and as long as the companion is behaving appropriately even if it is her 15 year old best friend any reasonable midwife would rather the patient be supported than deliver alone.

I would not encourage the abusive "father" to be there, nor would I seek to delay an induction that has been medically recommended for reduced fetal movement.

You can't go in to the hospital at all obviously. Is there anyone else who could be there with DD - dad, nan, aunty, friend, sibling? Otherwise she'll have to rely on midwife support. Tough, but that's how life is sometimes.

Sorry but that’s awful. You could spread sickness to other people’s newborns, and to your own grandchild, and D&V could be fatal in a newborn. If you have a sickness bug you absolutely can’t go on labour ward.

OP, hopefully things have resolved by now and your daughter has either been able to delay her induction or has had a baby, but if not - there are often student midwives, volunteers, supernumerary staff who wouldn’t mind giving some additional support if needed. I’ve done it myself at work to give support to a vulnerable service user.

You absolutely can't bring a vomiting bug into a hospital

Give your head a wobble!