Adoption or Surrogacy

[Dg33]

Hello. Looking for parents who've adopted a child or had a child through surrogacy. I'd like to know your experiences. What you found easy, hard, the process (if from UK) everything you're willing to share.

I can't carry another child due to medical reasons which would put both mine and baby's life at risk. Hubby and I are seriously looking into this and I'd love to hear from someone who's done it. We do have a child already. So we won't be ftp.

Thank you

Don't do surrogacy it's terrible trauma for the child and a future of attachment issues,once you start reading about adoption youl see why it's so awful for babies to be removed like that.
I suggest looking at adoption UK it's really helpful with regular zoom meet ups and webinars.theres also a good adoption board here.
I found adoption process fine,just as expected really.

Adoption is better because you’re giving an existing child a loving home. It seems wrong to put another woman through pregnancy and then take the newborn away from its birth mother.

Why would you consider surrogacy? It's horrendous.

Not surrogacy.

Not surrogacy. Could be putting another woman’s life at risk and is treating both birth mother and baby as commodities

Adoption is not simple solution.

What about staying with one child?

Adoption would be the more ethical choice. I would start looking into that.

mumsnet is notoriously anti surrogacy btw

And anti all forms of buying and selling humans, tbf.

People will say "Just adopt, OP!" but there are reasons that babies are taken away or, more rarely, given up for adoption these days, OP. It's not an uncomplicated choice.

And then OP will start to see the difficulties with adoption. It's not a simple choice.

Adoption is not simple therefore shouldnt be done? 🤔

You won’t risk your own life or your potential baby’s but you’ll risk another woman’s life to provide you with a baby? Nice. A woman’s body is not there to be bought. Then there’s how unethical it is to traumatise a baby by taking it away. It should be illegal.

Well it kind of is, you're either for or against selling women's bodies using surrogacy. Seems kind of clear to me.

No, it's not. That's why I didn't say "just adopt!". The OP should research adoption very thoroughly.

I know folk who have adopted and not one has been without problems. There is a reason why these children are up for adoption

You may not be aware (but you probably are now), surrogacy is pretty controversial on MN. Good luck with whatever you decide OP.

Why is surrogacy a terrible trauma? Loads of celebrities use surrogacy. Surely it’s no difference from adoption.

Oh god youve started it now 🙈🙈🙈

Adoption is a terrible trauma. Creating a child to purposefully be taken away from their birth mother is wrong.

Yeah - children with traumatic starts in life, are traumatised. Even if adopted so young you would think they won’t remember, they don’t but their brains are not wired the same due to neglect. You can’t adopt a 1yo and expect it to grow up like a child from a ‘normal’ home. It might…. But there’s a significant chance it won’t.

To make this decision, you should be looking for the experiences of adoptees and children born via surrogacy.

Being removed from a birth mother will be traumatic for a baby no matter the circumstances. Parenting an adopted child and surrogate born child requires therapeutic, trauma-aware parents. Expect it to be different.

@Newsenmum I’m not saying adoption shouldn’t be done, but it is not without trauma. I am adopted so would be a hypocrite to say don’t do it. But it is not simple and if you already have a child can be hard for both DC.

The OP doesn't need a second child. If she really wants to parent a second child then she will be open to adoption - but if not, then she sticks with one. It's not a hardship to only have one child.

My thoughts exactly. This is someone who knows exactly how dangerous pregnancy can be but is happy to rent another woman to risk it for her.

Absolutely disgusting.

Are you kidding??