I don't want to be a parent to my child anymore

[helpmepleasea]

I don't know what to do with my 6 year old and I need some help

She's 6, about to turn 7. It's fairly obvious to anyone who meets her she's either autistic or has ADHD.

So the issues.
She's aggressive with me. She's trashed the house more times than I care to admit. She hits me, spits at me, pulls my hair, bites me. She speaks to me like I'm the most stupid person on the planet
No consequences work. She isn't motivated by anything.
She won't get rid of anything. We have baby toys from when she was 1 because she screams for hours if I consider getting rid of them. My house is full of shit for lack of a better word
She has no friends. The couple of friends she has have all drifted away because she's bossy, it's very much her way or no way. She also lashes out at them when she gets overwhelmed
She is never wrong. I can watch her smash a cup and she will tell me it wasn't me and she genuinely believes it

I'm chasing a diagnosis but it's a 6 year wait list and no I can't afford private
I'm broken. This is just the main couple of issues but any questions please ask and any advice please help

I'm a single mum. It's just us two. But I don't want to. I'm covered in bruises and bite marks and I honestly just give up

I don’t think they will be able to give you all the answers tonight, far from it. But they are the only service that can come to your house now and try and make you all safe, at least until Monday.

Typical of an autistic child. They hold it all together at school but by the time they get home it’s sensory overload and she can release all of it on you in what she considers her safe space. As said video her meltdowns. Speak to social services because you are at risk from her and you need help/ intervention.

im so sorry, I’ve been in your shoes and urs really really hard.

Ive got two severely autistic kids in sen schools we only get a few hours respite a week its ridiculous.
Is there an out of hours number for social services?

For some meltdowns there is a recommendation to use ice pops. There is a science behind it.

I can’t give advice or help in what your next steps are. But I can give you this!

I'd ask for help from social services. This sounds so awful. I feel for you op.

I have ADHD but this sounds like PDA with autism. I aren't no doctor though. I wasn't like this as a child but every child who is ND is different. :(

Call 999. And I’m desperately sorry 💐💐💐

No one has said she’s evil.

I'm using it about the behaviour, and about the possible reasons for the behaviour, not the child on a personal level. I thought that was obvious.

No it’s not. That implies she has some terrible motive and that her behaviour is deliberate.

Ring the police before you end up hurting her!

If she’s autistic she wouldn’t understand this.

Autistic kids lash out in the moment because they lose control. They don’t intend to or plan it that way.

If it was possible to explain nicely to an autistic person to just be less autistic then autism wouldn’t exist would it?

Just phone 999. You need professional support.

You've handled enough (too much) of this alone xx

This is pure invention. You're reading stuff that isn't there. Other posters have understood, you haven't. You read it wrongly, it's that simple.

I've clarified. I'm not going to feed the derail any further.

OP, you are not alone. My son is similar. Your child is in pain; they lash out because they don't understand themselves and their brain is detached from their actions.

We went through similar a few months ago. It was horrible. Things have calmed down now but the only thing that worked was positive reinforcement. Punishment or bribes don't work. She needs to feel valued and smart.

Limit screens, lots of outside time, physical and sensory play has helped.

Completely agree. Even as the parent of kids that don’t have these issues I can see this response is utter ignorant BS.

She is deliberately trying to threaten, scare and cause physical harm to OP.

My dd same age is autistic, she sounds very similar. As crap as it is, even with a diagnosis there’s not much help, but this sounds awful so surely the must be some way of accessing something 🙏

Well said. It isn’t helping the OP to go off on a tangent

She’s 6, and likely cognitively much younger. Can we bare that in mind when we’re talking about deliberate actions.

If you don’t understand that, that’s fine, but then maybe don’t chip in.

Call 999 and tell them you are worried for her and your safety.

OP - you are in crisis and your child is in desperate need to help as are you.

Take some recordings so you have some evidence but you need real help.

I’m so sorry.

Call 999 and tell them you are worried for her and your safety.

OP - you are in crisis and your child is in desperate need to help as are you.

Take some recordings so you have some evidence but you need real help.

I’m so sorry.

Oh OP, you are going through the hardest time. There is much wisdom on this thread and on MN more widely.

My AuDHD child has lashed out at me a lot and is on a reduced timetable (and 3rd school in 3 years) so I can only do 2 hours a day of freelance work as a result. Meds are helping and I’m hopeful we can build that time up, but it’s incredibly hard, and I have a supportive DH. In someways it’s been helpful that he cannot mask at school as the multiple suspensions made the case for his EHCP pretty strongly.

A diagnosis will help and there’s lots of good advice above about trying to accelerate that. I found The Explosive Child a helpful book.

it feels like the loneliest thing in the world, to have a child who isn’t ‘normal’, but you are not alone xoxo

How is dictating what synonym for “scary behaviour” posters are allowed to use helping OP?

Give her the advice she’s asking for or “don’t chip in”

I really feel for you. Almost every child has neuro diversity these days and there is just not enough help for neurotypical parents and families.

I called an ASD organisation near me. Told them what was happening and they invited me to join courses they ran. I found them helpful.

Also speak to your GP and ask for advice. They should be able to point you in the right direction for more support until diagnosis.

The only thing that helped me - my child is super bright so a different type of ASD maybe - was praise and rewards. Even a sticker chart might be enough.

Sending you a big hug x

She isn't. Her brain thinks it's under attack and is desperately trying to keep her alive. None of it is deliberate and despite the laughter (a fight/flight response) she's probably enjoying it about the same amount as OP - she'll be feeling terrified and out of control, and probably unlovable and in constant fear of being rejected. Whether or not any of these things are objectively true isn't the point - she's in meltdown, so her reasoning brain is offline.