I don't want to be a parent to my child anymore

[helpmepleasea]

I don't know what to do with my 6 year old and I need some help

She's 6, about to turn 7. It's fairly obvious to anyone who meets her she's either autistic or has ADHD.

So the issues.
She's aggressive with me. She's trashed the house more times than I care to admit. She hits me, spits at me, pulls my hair, bites me. She speaks to me like I'm the most stupid person on the planet
No consequences work. She isn't motivated by anything.
She won't get rid of anything. We have baby toys from when she was 1 because she screams for hours if I consider getting rid of them. My house is full of shit for lack of a better word
She has no friends. The couple of friends she has have all drifted away because she's bossy, it's very much her way or no way. She also lashes out at them when she gets overwhelmed
She is never wrong. I can watch her smash a cup and she will tell me it wasn't me and she genuinely believes it

I'm chasing a diagnosis but it's a 6 year wait list and no I can't afford private
I'm broken. This is just the main couple of issues but any questions please ask and any advice please help

I'm a single mum. It's just us two. But I don't want to. I'm covered in bruises and bite marks and I honestly just give up

This is not correct. The police can remove a child in an emergency situation.

Not sure why you're tagging me? I've lived this (not the single parent part:though - that makes it extra hard).

This

Hey, I haven’t read all the replies but wanted to chip in with some support.

i very much understand how you feel, i am covered in scars and bruises also.

my best advice is to pick your battles. Doesnt want to read a home? Dont worry about it. If she wants to stick a knife in the toaster, thats when you put your foot down. It’s exhausting for both of you to fight over every little thing, so don’t do it because you will just exacerbate the situation.

we still have toys from when DC was very small, every so often I pop in the bedroom and pick a handful of things that have gathered dust and chuck them out while they’re at school, especially if it’s broken.

keep a diary, photo’s of your injuries and video’s where possible. You can then email it weekly to the school/CAMHS/GP. I mean this in the nicest possible way but don’t rely on CAMHS to have your back, the wait is very long for them. Seek out some SEN support groups in your local area and blogs on Facebook - one of my particular favourites is SEN-tipede as it’s incredibly helpful to not feel alone on the bad days. ASD with a G&T is another good one.

feel free to message me if you want a SEN mum to chat to xxx

sending hugs xx

You need to see your own doctor and explain all this to them.

I'm no expert but this doesn't sound like autism to me; perhaps she is autistic but even if so, this sounds like something else on top of it. She must have learned this somewhere, it's just too sinister. I agree with calling the police if there's no emergency mental health service available, before one or both of you gets properly hurt.

Suggest you may feel accomplished if you had a clear out of out grown toys when she was at school. Likely would not even know they were gone.
Also, stop her hurting you physically while you still can. She needs consequences. Be worse when she is bigger.
Hope you get the help and support you need. Good luck

Sinister is a horrible word to use about a little girl who is struggling.

You sound like you are at the very end of your tether. I think you need to phone the police and ask them to take her away. Show them your cuts and bruises and tell them she is a danger and you can't be held responsible for what might happen.

Do this before something terrible happens. Once they take her and you get 24 hours respite and some sleep you can start investigating how to get emergency assistance.

Just do it. Now.

Perhaps, but in this case, it’s accurate.

The actions are pretty sinister not the child

This won’t help immediately but I wonder whether this organisation might be able to help? X capafirstresponse.org

I've called 101. And they were useless. She's screaming. I'm this close to walking and never coming back. I don't want to do this. I am sick of being a human punch bag by my 6 year old

This is not true. The EHCNA process is there for professionals to assess needs - it's literally there in the name - "needs assessment". Because local authorities have (illegally) put many barriers in the way, doesn't mean you need a diagnosis or "professional involvement" to get one.

All the information is on websites like IPSEA and SOSSEN.

GPs don't necessarily have relevant knowledge "general practitioner", and the referral process sometimes goes via the GP (it does in my area) but in other areas it's via school or via CAAMHS.

I wish people wouldn't post on these threads when they don't have relevant experience or knowledge.

She’s a 6 year old with either a complex neurodiversity or a significant mental health need. She’s not the devil, she’s 6.

Let’s not make matters any worse OP is already in a difficult enough spot and doesn’t need to read that her child is evil.

Police won't take a child away just because the parent asks them to, they have to have reason to believe the child is at immediate risk of significant harm. The OP would essentially have to abandon her DD to get the police to remove her, but she risks arrest if she does that.

@Needlenardlenoo apologies - I misunderstood the process in that case.

I know it’s scary, but if she’s physically hurting you and threatening to kill you, you need to call 999, not 101.

The criteria for an EHCNA doesn't include having a diagnosis, which is why I suggested that the OP complete a parental request. It seems that some posters try and state things which unfortunately aren't so, possibly because that's what they've been told in their own experience with the systems. I see a lot of the EHCNA process but am not involved in the process as fair access see a lot of these youngsters before the assessment process is started.

She's 6. Do I call 999 or are they just going to fob me off? Honestly at this point arrest me for child abandonment because I don't want to do this. And at least I'll be alone
It's nearly 10 pm and she's just screaming and trying to grab me or hit me and just screaming abuse

Ring 999, explain all you have said here. They won't arrest you. Do you have a neighbour who might help you?

@helpmepleasea I think you should call 999. You need urgent help, and hopefully the police will be able to.

I can't offer advice on procedure because I'm not in the UK.But I'm praying someone here can signpost you OP.

My heart is breaking for you reading this thread. I know it's useless but I'm sending you a massive virtual hug 🫂

Gosh i’ve been reading this all and I am so so sorry OP. I don’t really have any advice but can sympathise with an increasingly unhinged 4yo!!

What usually calms your daughter down?
I know your parents don’t want to help but could they come and be a buffer whilst she calms down or would it make it worse?

I am so sorry for you 😢

OP - walk away from her.

Go into your bedroom, or another area of the house, and take a breath. Sit against the door if you have to. If she follows you and shouts, at least you’ll know she’s safe.

Call anyone you can and tell them you need immediate help. Tell your parents that if they don’t come and help you’re going to give up their granddaughter. If that doesn’t spring them into action, nothing will. It’s not about their views on her, you’re their daughter and you need help.