I don't want to be a parent to my child anymore

[helpmepleasea]

I don't know what to do with my 6 year old and I need some help

She's 6, about to turn 7. It's fairly obvious to anyone who meets her she's either autistic or has ADHD.

So the issues.
She's aggressive with me. She's trashed the house more times than I care to admit. She hits me, spits at me, pulls my hair, bites me. She speaks to me like I'm the most stupid person on the planet
No consequences work. She isn't motivated by anything.
She won't get rid of anything. We have baby toys from when she was 1 because she screams for hours if I consider getting rid of them. My house is full of shit for lack of a better word
She has no friends. The couple of friends she has have all drifted away because she's bossy, it's very much her way or no way. She also lashes out at them when she gets overwhelmed
She is never wrong. I can watch her smash a cup and she will tell me it wasn't me and she genuinely believes it

I'm chasing a diagnosis but it's a 6 year wait list and no I can't afford private
I'm broken. This is just the main couple of issues but any questions please ask and any advice please help

I'm a single mum. It's just us two. But I don't want to. I'm covered in bruises and bite marks and I honestly just give up

I know your parents won't look after her in general, but if you call them now and say you're at crisis point and you're walking out, will they at least come over tonight?

I’m so sorry. You have lots of supportive comments here. You sound at completely the end of your tether.
Steps tonight - can you put DD in a room where she is safe but can’t get to you? Is this an option?
Call a friend, call your parents, call somebody. Tell them honestly how you are feeling. If someone else was able to talk to you or come over you will feel slightly less alone.
Call 111 instead of walking out. Explain how you are feeling and be honest, explain you need help right now. They will hopefully have some procedures to put in place. dont feel that you are wasting resources, there are places and people to help you, it’s taking that first step of being honest about how you are feeling right now that is the hardest.
Longer term - her school isn’t doing enough at all. Videos to show them is good. It doesn’t matter that she isn’t showing these behaviours in school, they have her academic ability being affected and they need to be doing more to help you.

Please don’t give up and please know how well you’ve done to get to this point alone.

Keep talking on here when you need to.

How do you find the duty social worker? My parents won't come. 6 months ago my mum came for tea and my child threw a mug at her head and punched her in the face. I am completely alone. She's laughing while telling me shes going to hurt me.

No advice unfortunately but I feel the same about my 5 year old son. I've begged social services for help but they say he's better with me and I'm doing a great job. I'm that's their cop out so they don't have to help. They only way I can see out is killing myself. Then I'll be free and he'll get help. His brother will also be free to live his own life away f4om this hell.

Have you applied for dla? If not it would help with your finances.

To add - I agree with pp about calling the police. You need support, if she’s threatening to hurt you the police could do well to talk to her - I know she’s a child but potentially someone in authority getting involved may help her to understand. If she behaves and masks with teachers, she can obviously follow rules from them - perhaps an option??
Your Mum may be willing to come over if you are honest with her about how bad things have become?

Google your area (city or county) + duty social worker and it will come up.
Just be aware that social services aren't an emergency service as such so they are unlikely to be able to come out to you tonight.

I just want to leave. Ive defended myself because she grabbed my face and squeezed it and scratched all down my face. I lifted her hands to move her away and she screamed that I hurt her and she's going to get me. I don't know what to do

I'm sorry but duty social workers aren't going to do a thing. If you can't care for her safely it's police you need.

If it helps at all, the laughing is part of the fight/flight response - I found it so difficult to cope with but it definitely helped to understand that hurting me is not an enjoyable activity for my child, it's their brain feeling constantly under threat x

I agree with the others. Call the police now. You’re not safe in your home atm. If it was anyone other than your own child, you would’ve called the police a long time ago.

I hope the police can record your injuries and help you get the help you need

Just call the police and tell them what you are saying here OP. It isn’t your responsibility then, they can contact the appropriate agencies.

You haven't hurt her, and she is verbally lashing out. If you think you might lose control and actually hurt her, then I would agree with calling the police because she is not safe.

If you phone your local authority, there should be a recorded announcement giving you details of emergency services including social services. When I worked as a housing officer for a local authority I was often contacted when I was on call by the emergency duty team, or I had to contact them. If you call the police then they can contact them.

Im In Ireland so open to correction. Seems two routes you can take 1) via school or 2) via GP. I would try the school first maybe. Book an app with the teacher, tell her you need at least 30 mins and tell her everything you’ve said here. Your daughter needs an urgent assessment. Or go to the Gp and ask to be referred to Social Services for support.

Hi OP,

We’re just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Mental Health page.
Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

It sounds like the OP needs support now though

I can completely relate to how you're feeling!!! I'm in a very similar boat except my son is 3.5 years old. Aggression from a child can be absolutely overwhelming.

I also have a baby girl and DS has become very aggressive towards her. It's horrendous.

I have no answers...I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in feeling like this.

Social services are not an emergency service, even the 'emergency duty team'. They will respond to calls out of hours but the most they will do is call the police to attend - they won't do anything else useful.

No, the OP is describing the child's behaviour - not her own behaviour or the problems that are going on. The OP may be depressed, anxious, with financial problems, she may have had an abusive childhood... There is something somewhere that is causing her DD to act in this horrible way. I would guess that it's not the OP's fault, but there's a bigger problem. And her DD is sensing that.

@Needlenardlenoo it's helpful if the OP sees that the child is not evil or acting like this because she wants it. She's clearly very unhappy.

Being a single mother myself, of two, sometimes I see things that are wrong and I still can't fix them. Because I don't have the money, or help from family, or enough free time, or a non-ADHD brain, or a big enough house. Even though the problems are not my fault, I can't fix them. And clearly that's what is happening with the OP. She probably needs help to deal with this because it's too much for a single mother.

This is utterly awful. What would happen if you phoned the police? Right now? To get infront of someone? I don’t know how else to help

Honestly? If she phoned the police and said she was walking out on her DD they might come and remove the DD and potentially arrest the OP for neglect. The DD may end up in care for a couple of days and then back home - or she may end up in care long term regardless of the OP's wishes.
Police won't arrest DD or offer any real practical help.

And what can the police do? They can't take a child into care, they can't arrest her, they can't arrange an emergency placement. It's only the out of hours social worker who can deal with a situation like this.

You're wrong. The police are the only agency that can take a child into care on the spot. A social worker cannot. Police can invoke powers of protection and remove a child for 72 hours. They would then liaise with out of hours children's services AFTER they have removed the child.

Call the police.

It sounds like you need emergency help, now