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Original poster

Partners son bullies mine

70 replies

Dad01234 · 07/12/2025 00:30

My son is 4 and my partners son is 6. I see my son every other weekend and live with my partner who splits her custody with her ex so we have our boys the same time.

Our boys have opposite personalities. My son is reserved, a little shy & wouldn’t say boo to a goose. Her son is loud, outgoing & has a lot of behavioural problems.

The way she parents her child is when he throws a tantrum she gives him what she wants because when he doesn’t get his way he gets aggressive. One time he wanted to play games on her phone & she needed the phone back for something and he threw the phone full pelt into her face giving her a black eye.

half the time our boys play nice but when her child is tired or something hasn’t gone his way he takes his frustrations out on my son. The second our back is turned he is either hitting him, telling him horrible things like he wishes he was dead or calling him names like he’s a baby or stupid.

Everytime I address this with my partner she just shrugs it off and says that’s how boys play & my son is unusual because he doesn’t like rough play and how her son plays.

shes massively in deinial about her sons behaviour and this weekend her son punched my son in the face because while they were playing he fell over to which my partner said “well it didn’t leave a mark and it wasn’t that hard so it’s fine “ also later in the evening my son was playing in his room and her son ran in sprayed deodorant into his face so my son was crying saying his eyes were stinging and all my partner said was to say sorry.

i have told my partner till im blue in the face about her sons behaviour and she just shrugs it off & says he has adhd or behavioural problems but that’s not fair on my son. I am lost at what to do. Plead help

OP posts:
bluecampbell · 07/12/2025 03:12

I can’t believe I’m reading this.

This boy punched your son in the face, sprayed deodorant into his eyes, he hits him and tells him he wishes he was dead…he’s even given his own mother a black eye….and you haven’t done anything to protect your boy?

This kid is a bully and it will only get worse. His mother is enabling him.

What are you waiting for?
For your four year old son to get seriously injured?
For him to be blinded if this kid sprays something else into his eyes?
What will it take?
Do you want him to hate you when he’s older and blame you for not protecting him?

Man the fuck up and protect your son.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 07/12/2025 03:26

Pryceosh1987 · 07/12/2025 02:31

I am not blaming anyone. I am just saying. He must stick up for himself, to get the respect he deserves.

Show quote history
  1. And what does "sticking up for himself" look like, when faced with a bigger, old boy who sprays aerosols into his face? If he hits back, he'll get flattened.
  2. From personal experience, if OP teaches his son to hit back, it will be the son who gets into trouble at school for "fighting", not the bully who starts it.

The OP must protect his son, given that his GF won't control hers.

GeorgeEdwardsMum · 07/12/2025 03:34

If this post has an truth to it then I have to ask what the fuck you are playing at? You're worse than the 'bully' and his DM in my opinion, knowingly allowing this to happen to a four year old. This is one of the worst things I have ever read on MN.

CamillaMcCauley · 07/12/2025 03:37

Also what does your child’s mother have to say about the fact you are returning her son to her injured and traumatised? You’re lucky she hasn’t taken you to court for full custody already, but if she has any sense it won’t be far off.

ladycardamom · 07/12/2025 04:04

If I was your son DM I wouldn't allow access. You're an absolute wet lettuce letting this happen to your son.

Delphinium20 · 07/12/2025 04:14

Move out. Protect your son. What does his mother think about all this? I'd be livid if I knew my ex was allowing our son to be physically attacked by an older bully he was forced to live with part-time.

Thortour · 07/12/2025 04:18

Child first every time.
End this relationship or at the very least organise to see your son on a different weekend.

MooDengOfThailand · 07/12/2025 04:23

Cock before kids going on here.

RoseInBloome7 · 07/12/2025 04:27

Your poor son 😢

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/12/2025 04:34

End this relationship now. Your poor ds. There are plenty of other women out there. How can you care and respect a woman, who has such little regard for your child’s safety and well-being? I cannot imagine your ex is ok with your ds being abused every time you have him. I’d be fighting tooth and nail to stop access if this were my dd.

Pinkchristmastree1 · 07/12/2025 04:36

Have your son on the opposite weekend from your partner's son.
They need to be kept completely separate
Personally I'd split up with anyone who allowed my child to be hit and hurt by their child .
She will always prioritise her son ..but you don't seem to be prioritising yours

Silverbirchleaf · 07/12/2025 04:39

Bonbon21 · 07/12/2025 00:34

Put your son first, like she does... and split.

First post nails it.

SaltyandSweet · 07/12/2025 04:45

Omg step up and get your poor son out of this awful situation!

BrokenWingsCantFly · 07/12/2025 05:20

Just leave. She dont give a shit about your son or his safety. Even blamed him for being unusual in a way to defend her violent precious little boy who couldnt possibly be held accountable.

Time for you to defend and protect yours as she won't do it. Your his parent it's on you to provide a safe space for him.

Would you want to visit somewhere every week where you know you are likely to be attacked for no reason? How would you feel if your ex chose to partner up with someone who's older son attacked yours and put her need for a partner over your son's need for a safe home?

DublinFemale · 07/12/2025 06:55

Dad01234 · 07/12/2025 00:30

My son is 4 and my partners son is 6. I see my son every other weekend and live with my partner who splits her custody with her ex so we have our boys the same time.

Our boys have opposite personalities. My son is reserved, a little shy & wouldn’t say boo to a goose. Her son is loud, outgoing & has a lot of behavioural problems.

The way she parents her child is when he throws a tantrum she gives him what she wants because when he doesn’t get his way he gets aggressive. One time he wanted to play games on her phone & she needed the phone back for something and he threw the phone full pelt into her face giving her a black eye.

half the time our boys play nice but when her child is tired or something hasn’t gone his way he takes his frustrations out on my son. The second our back is turned he is either hitting him, telling him horrible things like he wishes he was dead or calling him names like he’s a baby or stupid.

Everytime I address this with my partner she just shrugs it off and says that’s how boys play & my son is unusual because he doesn’t like rough play and how her son plays.

shes massively in deinial about her sons behaviour and this weekend her son punched my son in the face because while they were playing he fell over to which my partner said “well it didn’t leave a mark and it wasn’t that hard so it’s fine “ also later in the evening my son was playing in his room and her son ran in sprayed deodorant into his face so my son was crying saying his eyes were stinging and all my partner said was to say sorry.

i have told my partner till im blue in the face about her sons behaviour and she just shrugs it off & says he has adhd or behavioural problems but that’s not fair on my son. I am lost at what to do. Plead help

I don’t know you posted this.

you know well that you will do nothing to stop this abuse. You don’t care at least not enough to actively physically prevent it. You know that the 6yr old should not be alone under any circumstances with your 4yr old yet you choose to ignore this fact. Your choices, lack of action and decisions are the reason this little boy was crying in pain.

You are and will continue to prioritise a regular shag over this little boy because it’s all about you. You are selfish.

This post is handwringing pity post. You are looking for pity and to be told you are a good father etc etc, while you continue to allow you son be abused while you watch on.

Put simply you are and will continue to be a crap parent. You have proven this with your choices.

You have him 104 nights out of 365 night and cannot keep him safe, do the right thing own up to that fact and leave him where he is safe, hopefully that is with his mother.

EasilyRemedied · 07/12/2025 06:57

Get out of this relationship immediately for the sake of your child. Poor kid.

Pricelessadvice · 07/12/2025 06:57

You leave this woman and protect your child.
What on earth are you subjecting your son to this abuse for?

SparklyGlitterballs · 07/12/2025 07:03

How can you find your partner's personality attractive if this is how she parents and she has a complete lack of empathy for your child? Are you that desperate to have a girlfriend? Personally I'd get rid and find someone with better parenting skills and morals, as this will only get worse as her son gets older and stronger.

If you're too weak to leave then at the very least start seeing your son separately somehow. Don't subject him to the verbal and physical abuse any longer, poor kid.

Lurkingandlearning · 07/12/2025 08:19

All the above but also, why do you even like a woman who is raising her son that way?

ACynicalDad · 07/12/2025 08:21

LTB child.

Your child comes before everything, why do you even need to ask. Don’t even wait until Christmas, it will be miserable for your child.

WhatNoRaisins · 07/12/2025 08:28

If you can't bring yourself to leave this woman you need to see your child away from her and her badly behaved child.

Enko · 07/12/2025 08:55

Leave AND tell her its her ineffective parenting that's making you do so.

MakeItToTheMoon · 07/12/2025 09:06

I agree with all of the previous posters,.. for the sake of your child’s self esteem and mental health you’ll need to take action. There’s the concern he may start to behave like your partners son. Your DS seems like a sweet little boy, it’s quite sad.

duckfordinner · 07/12/2025 09:19

I don’t understand people who sacrifice their children for a relationship. Your job is to protect your son. See him away from this toxic environment

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 07/12/2025 09:27

Your son's mother will be furious when she finds out what's going on.
Why can't you be a man and protect your little boy? I'm amazed that you needed to write this post tbh.