Partners son bullies mine

[Dad01234]

My son is 4 and my partners son is 6. I see my son every other weekend and live with my partner who splits her custody with her ex so we have our boys the same time.

Our boys have opposite personalities. My son is reserved, a little shy & wouldn’t say boo to a goose. Her son is loud, outgoing & has a lot of behavioural problems.

The way she parents her child is when he throws a tantrum she gives him what she wants because when he doesn’t get his way he gets aggressive. One time he wanted to play games on her phone & she needed the phone back for something and he threw the phone full pelt into her face giving her a black eye.

half the time our boys play nice but when her child is tired or something hasn’t gone his way he takes his frustrations out on my son. The second our back is turned he is either hitting him, telling him horrible things like he wishes he was dead or calling him names like he’s a baby or stupid.

Everytime I address this with my partner she just shrugs it off and says that’s how boys play & my son is unusual because he doesn’t like rough play and how her son plays.

shes massively in deinial about her sons behaviour and this weekend her son punched my son in the face because while they were playing he fell over to which my partner said “well it didn’t leave a mark and it wasn’t that hard so it’s fine “ also later in the evening my son was playing in his room and her son ran in sprayed deodorant into his face so my son was crying saying his eyes were stinging and all my partner said was to say sorry.

i have told my partner till im blue in the face about her sons behaviour and she just shrugs it off & says he has adhd or behavioural problems but that’s not fair on my son. I am lost at what to do. Plead help

There's a very easy way to solve this..

You put your child first and you leave your Partner, and end the relationship, for failing to treat the ongoing violent behaviour her son exhibits towards your son seriously.

If you don't, the violence will continue and your son will grow up with significant trauma along with hating you for not protecting him. I'd also imagine your sons other parent would step in and take you to court for full custody on the grounds of failure to protect your child.

Come on OP, the sex can’t be that good surely. 🙄

I've never understood the desperation of some people to live together, you are not married, you have no joint DC, there is no reason to live together at all (unless you're saving money on rent). Live separately and only see her on the weekends you don't have your DC.

Where is your son’s dad and all of this?
Can you go and live with him as you clearly aren’t able to protect him?

Joining the chorus of ‘you need to put your son first.’

Your relationship is not salvageable.

Think about it - What psychopath is unmoved by a four year old being hit in the face? Just reading that sentence in your post made most of us mums wince.

You don’t approve of her parenting style.

She isn’t listening to and acting on your concerns.

Dump her immediately. And don’t let her talk you around. Yes she is struggling to parent him as a single parent and with his needs. But this does not need to be your problem, and is definitely not your son’s! It is not worth trading for sex and the security of coupledom.

If your partner isn’t prepared to stand up to her son and protect your child when you’re together then she sure as hell won’t when you’re not there. You cannot ensure your son’s safety in her hands. Think on that.

As for you…you are an active bystander watching your son being bullied by another child and allowing your partner to dismiss your son’s suffering as “boys will be boys”.

Leave your partner and protect your child.

Why do you need to have contact the same weekend? Presumably so you get child free weekends. This means you only ever see your son when the other boy is there. You need to prioritise your own child & see him 1-1. I can’t see how you can stay with her anyway if she’s so breezy about what is happening. When her son is 14 it will be a nightmare. Get out and find your own place and organise contact when you can prioritise your son.

Isn’t it obvious? You need to move out! Also, you should be seeing your Ds more than a couple of days a fortnight. Why don’t you see him more?

The OP is the dad.

I see I got the impression. This was the same sex relationship but Ok still applies.

what help do you need? Your child is being bullied. You have the power to end it, he doesnt. So do right by your child,

Of everyone in this scenario your behaviour is the worst. Your poor little boy.

put him first and end this situation for him.

One day your son will ask you why you didn't protect him from being abused by an older child. Keep your son away from this boy.

Assuming this is real, you put your son’s health safety and well-being above your dick.

Your partner is useless; that undisciplined 6 year old will turn into an undisciplined teenager. Good luck with that.

First post nails it

If I was your son’s mother and I knew this would happening, I would stop contact. Your son is being bullied and abused and you’re standing by and letting it happen. You leave ASAP.

Utterly baffling how you can’t work out what to do here. It is absolutely obvious. You leave this relationship and stop exposing your poor son to being bullied. That you didn’t do that the first time is beyond shocking.

Make plans to split. In the meantime change the days so that the boys aren't there on the same weekends. I feel sorry for your son.

How can you find your partner's personality attractive if this is how she parents

He doesn't. He wants a bangmaid. Men will stay with women they absolutely despise sooner than do their own housework and buy a Fleshlight.