Parents of boys, how do you deal with…

[24evergreen]

…comments about not having a girl?

I have two boys and all my friends either have girls or a girl & a boy. It seems like whenever I’m with them, or other people in general, there will be comments about how glad they have a girl or how they prayed for a girl. It seems more so for when they are older and so that they have a guaranteed “bestie” and someone to do things with and care for them in old age. There are also always comments about how having one of each is “perfect” and therefore having two of the same gender (specifically boys) are a somewhat consolation prize.

They will then always tell stories of their brothers not being close to their mum, or some guy they know cut their parents off following a marriage.

What upsets me is that people say these things in front of me mindlessly and if I’m honest it hurts. I feel like I’m having to constantly remind people that just because you have a certain gendered child it doesn’t guarantee closeness, that depends on your relationship with the child. I know because I have girl friends that don’t get on with their mums and are closer with their dads.

I have a lovely relationship with my mum and I would have loved the experience of raising a daughter but I feel at peace with my boys and I can’t imagine not being close with them (I appreciate this may change).

I’m basically asking how would you deal with the comments? What do you say back, if anything. It is starting to get me down and it’s making me think if so many people have these opinions then maybe it’s true and my boys will grow up and not bother with me at all and this makes me so sad.

I have 2 girls and 1 boy both grown up now. My son is just as close to me as my girls and always has been. He is so lovely and caring.
Please don’t take any notice of unkind people. You sound such a lovely mum so don’t worry. You will always stay close to your boys.

I love having boys! They are awesome and extremely loving teenagers 💛

@EvangelicalAboutButteredToast4 and 1. It probably is related to the fact I am surrounded by people having babies at the moment. I hope the conversation will move on when they are older!

@Autumngirl5thank you, that is lovely to hear :)

What utter tosh, the love I feel for and from my DS is indescribable joy and my own mother is a mean cruel narcissist. You need to get nicer friends.

I have a son and if I had had a another child I would have lived a brother for him. I love having a boy. Just let them have their opinion and just ignore it

Ahhh you’re in the thick of it OP, the comments drop off the further away you get from the young age.

My 2 boys are 14 and 11 now but I remember the “don’t you want a girl?” comments. Yes I would have loved a girl but not at the expense of either of them and after a few years when I wanted 3 kids, I really wanted another boy! I had a wistful daydream about being an Italian matriarch (despite not being Italian) being towered over by my sons as I fussed and clucked over them whilst making a big feast in the kitchen.

As it turns out, 3 kids wasn’t on the cards for me but there’s absolutely nobody missing from our family and my two are loving, sweet natured and still cuddle up to me on the couch!

We have 2 boys and a girl and it’s disappointing how many people openly think we only had a third to get a girl. Poor DS2. He’s an absolute dreamboat. I would have been up for 3 boys for sure, they’re gorgeous.

Before we had DD, if anyone spoke about me wanting a girl etc I would just tell them how brilliant my boys are. I’ve asked people to elaborate on why they think I would want a girl? What’s wrong with my boys? But don’t labour the point, they speak for themselves really in their behaviour and personalities and how they go about the world.

Boys are very easy! I find them so much simpler than DD. And so so sooooo loving.

More than once, women at antenatal groups found out they were having girls and said ‘it’s a girl, thank god, I wouldn’t be able to have a boy’ words to that effect. I used to revel in their faces when I said I had 2 boys already 😁 assholes.

I meant to add that I would have loved a girl but mainly for my husband. He was one of two boys, his dad was one of two boys and his cousins were two boys. I really thought perhaps a girl would “soften” him a little, maybe enable him to see the world as it affects his daughter but it wasn’t to be.

4 boys here and people always thought it was ok to comment. On a good day you let them pass and on a bad it would sit heavy.
They’re grown now and I am close to them all and their wives. The house is busy with them always in. I look back at bringing them up and I loved every minute. I miss those times.
sometimes when I’m out and I see Mother’s and daughters I do feel a sadness but I wouldn’t change the privilege of being a boy mum

I have two fabulous adult sons. I know what you mean about the comments and being made to feel I’ve somehow missed out.
Even my own mother does it. I have 2 younger brothers who aren’t the best at keeping in touch. My mum is always saying how lucky she is to have a daughter for company!
My sons are great pals and are both close to me. They aren’t married yet so it could all change I guess.

I have one of each and my neighbour has 2 boys. We are very good friends, and have constant banter that I laugh at her living in a Jackass reboot now, but in a few years I'll have a teenage girl and she'll be laughing at me 🤣 we say it lightheartedly and neither of us take offence, but I can see why you'd find it frustrating if you have two boys and hear it all the time. Agree with making a comment about teenage girls in response!

I have 5 boys and they are all men now - we are close, we get together to watch footy, have lunch out, go shopping, cook meals for each other - they are my favourite people in the whole world!

I'm sure if I'd had daughters I'd be just as happy. My friends daughters are all lovely but they all have their own lives and friends and I wouldn't say they have a 'bestie' relationship with their mums. I love my mum dearly but have never had the sort of relationship where I'd say we were best friends. I'm also one of 3 girls and we were horrendous teenagers 😂 we used to fight physically and argue more than my boys ever did!

Try not to let other people's opinions get to you - it's just an opinion and doesn't mean they're right!

It's always the mums of girls at school dropoff/pickup telling me I have it easy because girls are much harder and boys are easy 😂😂 can't win! 😂

I usually just say if we are ever to have a third then I really hope it’s a boy (and I genuinely do). Shuts them up v quick!

I was asked if I would soon be trying for a girl literally hours after the birth of my second son. By a healthcare assistant on the maternity ward.

I have boys, all I hear are how boys are better, boys love their mums (at least until they get married) and it’s tough when they’re little but much easier as teenagers when they’re not hormonal and hysterical like all girls are apparently.
it always makes me feel uncomfortable for the poor girls in ear shot. Boys are loving and lovably wild, girls are a nightmare of hormones until they come back around in adulthood to be unpaid carers.
I think people just like to say nonsense or blame their bad relationships with their kids on the kids gender and not their parenting.

I have two boys and no one ever asked or commented about not having girls. I was an older mother though so that may be why. I love having boys so any negative comments would have been water off a duck’s back to me. They are adult now and I have a great relationship with both. They are very affectionate towards me and we stay in touch regularly.

I’d loved to have had five boys, funnily enough my mum would have loved five boys too (I never got upset about that I just thought the same). I have two as started too late to try for five.

I have one of each and my boy is much softer and more affectionate than his sister. She’s the wild one and he’s the gentle one. It may change as they get older but honestly I think they all have their own personalities regardless of gender

I got sick of the “are you trying for your girl?” when I was pregnant again.
Three adult sons here and they are wonderful. They live locally and stay in regular contact including visiting us and hosting us. I have been ill recently and they phone/call in/ texted / even brought meals round. I also have two wonderful daughters in law, so that is possible too!
My main advice is make the effort of maintaining contact with them through their late teens / twenties. They’re not always good at initiating it but always feel more secure know their parents are still there. And will start to reciprocate.

It sounds rude. As a childfree not by choice 35 year old, I'd be happy with a child of either gender, boy or girl. People are just rude and careless in their speaking before thinking imo.

I won't lie, it was hectic and they do eat you out of house & home! But it is lovely having a big family and they are a joy 😊 I'm sure your two boys are just as lovely 💐

Bite your tongue, inwardly roll your eyes, then sit back and watch them through the teen years!

You do realise mums of girls get this as well? Lots of “your poor DH” etc not getting a precious son. Lots of oh boys are so much easier than girls and then the inevitable “oh how will you survive the teenage years”….