Parents of boys, how do you deal with…

[24evergreen]

…comments about not having a girl?

I have two boys and all my friends either have girls or a girl & a boy. It seems like whenever I’m with them, or other people in general, there will be comments about how glad they have a girl or how they prayed for a girl. It seems more so for when they are older and so that they have a guaranteed “bestie” and someone to do things with and care for them in old age. There are also always comments about how having one of each is “perfect” and therefore having two of the same gender (specifically boys) are a somewhat consolation prize.

They will then always tell stories of their brothers not being close to their mum, or some guy they know cut their parents off following a marriage.

What upsets me is that people say these things in front of me mindlessly and if I’m honest it hurts. I feel like I’m having to constantly remind people that just because you have a certain gendered child it doesn’t guarantee closeness, that depends on your relationship with the child. I know because I have girl friends that don’t get on with their mums and are closer with their dads.

I have a lovely relationship with my mum and I would have loved the experience of raising a daughter but I feel at peace with my boys and I can’t imagine not being close with them (I appreciate this may change).

I’m basically asking how would you deal with the comments? What do you say back, if anything. It is starting to get me down and it’s making me think if so many people have these opinions then maybe it’s true and my boys will grow up and not bother with me at all and this makes me so sad.

Don’t worry about it, as a parent of a girl, whilst pregnant I heard constantly “She will hate you as a teenager” (never happened)
As a teenager now people will roll their eyes and say “Teenage daughter? Difficult?”
Nope. Not difficult at all.

People talk shit to the mum about anything they can get their jealous teeth into. Especially when she’s pregnant and vulnerable. To the dad they say nothing.

Strange, I did say perhaps. I also said feign interest because I'm definitely not a girly girl.

By the time they have all been through adolescence with their darlings I suspect they won’t be saying shit!

Relationships with adult children are largely predicted by relationships with your younger children.

It’s all such nonsense - my friend has one on each. Her little boy likes colouring and arts and crafts, her little girl loves football. Their gender has nothing to do with their interests which will change constantly through life. People should have children because they want children, not because they want a specific gender which they think will suit their lifestyle or personality better. I’m a “girly” woman, I don’t need a girly girl to match my interests. I’ll happily watch my little boy play football if that’s what he chooses because I’m interested in him.

I have two boys aged 12 and 8 and I have never had anyone make a comment to me about not having a daughter, or asking if I wished I had one.

My sister has a daughter (who is 16), and they are inseparable, they have a really lovely and close relationship. However, my oldest son is inseparable from me, he’s my little shadow and I can’t imagine that changing.

Mother-child relationships aren’t determined by sex so I don’t think it really matters what sex children you have.

I am not close to my mother, I had a very dysfunctional relationship with her all through my childhood (and during my teen years and into my adulthood), so I’m actually I’m quite relieved that trying to navigate and form a ‘normal’ mother-daughter relationship isn’t something I’ve had to face.

I have 5 boys aged 11 to 19. I still get all the stupid comments. Tbh the worst ones are the people who tell me I'm lucky because boys are so much easier/cheaper.

My mum only wanted girls and she got her wish. But, like some pps, I really only have anything to do with her out of a feeling of obligation. I am too different to her ideal daughter.
I have two sons. They are amazing. We have always been close, though not in each others pockets. They are now adults and have their own homes and families. My two dils are great, very different to each other but we all get on so well and love spending time together, in fact, at their instigation, we all spent a wonderful week away on holiday this summer and they've all said they'd like to do it again. I am also very lucky to have two beautiful dgs. Anyone who thinks boys are less loving than girls, hasn't been on the receiving end of the hugs and live we get from our family. I do think we are very lucky, but I don't think our experience is unique.

No one has ever commented on me having only boys or asked me questions or commented on me not having a girl.

I have two boys. One is an adult and one is almost an adult. Eldest has moved out but he has always been very chatty and he still is, he calls me a lot and talks for ages.

It had never occurred to me that anyone would, until, when I had the 18 week scan and found I was expecting DS (whom we knew would be our only child), my two nice, apparently sane SILs both, separately, condoled with me, sort of patting my hand and ‘There, there’ ing. I was totally confused as I hadn’t had the slightest sex preference, but over time I figured out that both of them had been obsessed with ‘getting their girl’. They were a lot older so I hadn’t been on the scene when they were having their babies, but the reason one had three children and the other had four was because they’d both had boys to start with and apparently had to keep going. They thought every woman secretly felt like this and that I was in denial or being ‘terribly brave’.