Obsessed with autism, please help!

[Rach7291]

I’m going to try and explain this as best as I can. I’m really not wanting to offend anyone!

I am obsessed with the thought of my child having autism. Not because i want her to, quite the opposite. Something about it seems to scare me. I have been like this since i found out I was pregnant and she’s now 17 months. I google something everyday, even the smallest little things that she does. I am now pregnant again and the thoughts of my next baby having autism are draining me. I’ve even thought about an abortion. I don’t know whats wrong with me or why I’m so obsessed with it. I’m so sick of feeling like this but I can’t seem to stop it.

Hello op, this sounds really difficult. It sounds like these are intrusive thoughts, and you recognise that they are not helpful or rational, and the frequency of this worry is way too high.

please go to your gp and discuss the impact this worry is having on you. This may well be a form of post natal depression or anxiety.

getting some help to reduce these worries will let you enjoy both your babies. Do it for them x

What scares you in particular about autism? ASD is a spectrum. Sometimes it’s profound (level 3) sometimes it’s genius levels of excellence and other times it’s a mix (I know a none verbal autistic person who is unbelievably bright)
Many of the world’s greatest minds past and present were/are autistic. However, not to downplay that autism can be hard to navigate & live with. ASD for a lot of families can be tiring with lots of worries and concerns over things like adaptions, meeting needs, keeping them safe, dealing with meltdowns and physical demands/restraints.
Is ASD part of your family’s history? Siblings, parents ect.

Im a single parent to two children on the spectrum (twins) one has level 2 autism and ADHD and the other is severe ADHD with autistic tendencies. I do understand your fears and the worry, but what will be with be. IF your child was to be autistic, what specifically bothers you. Is it shame? Or is it more the concern of how to cope incase it’s highly demanding parenting? Maybe it’s worth focusing on that so you can come to some sort of preparation (research, seeking advice, joining an ASD parent community) these things will be your safety net should your (fears, for lack of a better word) come true.

@KLD89I don’t actually know why i’m so scared of it or what bothers me most about it. I have severe health anxiety and have general anxiety aswell. I am a chronic overthinking and always think of the worst case scenario. I know 3 people with kids that are level 3 autistic. Sometimes it feels like its closing in on me. I look at these parents and have so much admiration for them, but i couldn’t do it.

This is really about anxiety not about autism. If it wasn’t autism you’d be anxious about something else.

talk to your health visitor or GP about your anxiety. CBT can be very effective for anxiety.

This sounds like post partum anxiety to me, not necessarily about autism.
Reach out to your GP OP because life really doesn’t have to be this way.

FWIW I was the same with my first and I had PPA - turns out my DD1 is autistic (the irony is not lost on me) - and once I got help it went away. Nowadays, no matter how tricky my DDs ASC can be we just accept that this is who she is 🤷🏻‍♀️

Agree, you have anxiety/intrusive thoughts . I’d focus on getting help with that.

Bless you. I think it’s worth chatting the the GP about the intensity of your fears and concerns.

I do understand where you’re coming from as I’m a worrier and overthinker myself. For me, it’s the big C. I’m terrified of my children getting sick, it haunts me. I’m always looking for signs/symptoms so I can be on it immediately. In fact, my son is due to have some bloods done because he’s been complaining of a few things so I have spent the past couple of nights awake googling his symptoms and the link to leukaemia (and logically I know it’s it’s very likely not, because of the odds but still, it’s the dreaded ‘what-if’) I have health anxieties too, but only since becoming a mother. I never used to be like this at all, but now I’m a classic hypochondriac (which I’m ashamed about to be honest)
The GP did offer me some counselling. Perhaps that’s something you could talk to your GP about and explain these worries that plague you.
I know it’s not easy, the fears don’t just switch off and seeing other people not eating themselves up over the same thoughts makes your world feel even more closed in because it’s like “am I the only one going through this, why is my brain like this” but I promise you, you’re not the only one.
Make a phone call today at your doctors, best of luck X

Health anxiety for your children is normal. You have closed in on one possible outcome because you know more than average autistic children/ families. I work in primary school and there are lots of ASD/ ADHD chn but outside of work I know none . Try to write down your fears to rationalise them. Why are you not worrying about heart defects for example? I don’t say that to worry you but to make you realise that you have become hyper-focused on ASD.

Bless you. I think it’s worth chatting to the GP about the intensity of your fears and concerns.

I do understand where you’re coming from as I’m a worrier and overthinker myself. For me, it’s the big C. I’m terrified of my children getting sick, it haunts me. I’m always looking for signs/symptoms so I can be on it immediately. In fact, my son is due to have some bloods done because he’s been complaining of a few things so I have spent the past couple of nights awake googling his symptoms and the link to leukaemia (and logically I know it’s it’s very likely not, because of the odds but still, it’s the dreaded ‘what-if’) I have health anxieties too, but only since becoming a mother. I never used to be like this at all, but now I’m a classic hypochondriac (which I’m ashamed about to be honest)
The GP did offer me some counselling. Perhaps that’s something you could talk to your GP about and explain these worries that plague you.
I know it’s not easy, the fears don’t just switch off and seeing other people not eating themselves up over the same thoughts makes your world feel even more closed in because it’s like “am I the only one going through this, why is my brain like this” but I promise you, you’re not the only one.
Make a phone call today at your doctors, best of luck X

Autism isn’t anything to be scared of. You need therapy.

@landlordhellI know i am hyper focused on autism, but i don’t know how to stop it. Its ruining everything. To even consider having an abortion is ridiculous. I know that. I hate it. I have had alot of therapy in the past and it doesn’t seem to help me much

@WeepingAngelInTheTardis it’s a disability. Like others have said - OP has anxiety/intrusive thoughts and it’s nothing really to do with autism - if it wasn’t that she would be fixating on something else. I do agree though that it would be helpful for OP to get therapy as this shouldn’t stop her enjoying her babies.

It depends in the context and severity though surely. Therapy for sure, cant live her life like this its not normal.

You need to ask your midwife to refer you for mental support.

Can you tell us what you have tried? Is there an OCD element? Have you had a diagnosis?

OP I really relate to this. I was the same when mine were born, I didn’t understand autism and had a misconceived idea of what it was and it really scared me. I don’t think it stopped playing on my mind in some way until they were about 4 and I could feel confident they didn’t have it (not incessantly though I have to add!)

Then out of the blue DS diagnosed with it at 10 🤣 (I only suspected ADHD, autism completely surprised me!) I denied it was autism for so long though the process as it just wasn’t how I thought autism looked. He’s empathetic and sociable, and entirely wonderful, genuinely wouldn’t change him. I understand him now!

So all I want to say is I understand, but autism is a really broad term and even if your baby has it it doesn’t mean the end of the world. And that’s before you even get to the statistics of how likely it even is.

That said the extent to which you’re worrying is probably unhealthy, you might want to talk to your HV for some support.

Im convinced my child will predecease me. I think about it alot. Almost so much I wonder if its some premonition

You need mental health support. We all worry about our children but that extent is way beyond normal.

The irony of you being hyper focused on a topic! Ever think you might be autistic yourself?

I’m speaking as an autistic, successful solicitor who is happily married with a lovely, bright, AuDHD child.

you need medical help OP. This isn’t normal and tbh I do find it offensive - even if I know rationally you’re just fixating what is probably more Generalised Anxiety Disorder.

@legalseagull I’m not trying to cause offense to anyone. I’m just trying to understand what is going on and why i am feeling like this. I am in therapy but its not helping much. I have tried everything i can think of for my anxiety.

Was going to say this.

Op, I was the same with my first. It was definitely due to anxiety. I was terrified she'd have autism. The hilarious thing is, 8 years later, I believe I have autism (I've just been assessed for adhd, will have my results next week, but following the assessment I strongly believe they're going to tell me it's actually autism). I just can't believe the irony when I look back.

I understand OP. I was the same with ds1 but I was convinced he would die of cot death. I used to turn up the baby monitor until it made loud crackly noises and check on him several times a night. Please talk to your GP or health visitor, you don't have to live like this.

@sharkstalei’m glad you got your sorted. I’m pretty confident I don’t have autism. My anxiety started when my dad died. I’ve never been the same since.

Im so sorry for your loss OP. What treatment have you tried for the anxiety?

@Wolfiefanthank you. I’ve had counselling, CBT and ACT so far x