Childminder has just given immediate notice because my 13 month old cried

[minnieot]

Hi everyone,

I’m feeling a bit shaken and upset this morning and could really use some advice or perspective. My little boy (just turned 1) has been at a childminder only a handful of times, probably 4 or 5 sessions in total, as he’s been unwell and off for a couple of weeks.

He went back this morning for the first time in two weeks. Less than two hours after drop off, the childminder rang asking me to collect him because he was “inconsolable” and upsetting the other children by crying. When I arrived, she gave immediate notice, saying he “shouts” (he’s just crying!) and that the other children get distressed when he does, the way she framed it was as if he was some monster because he was upset and not calming down, and that the other children were victims of him crying, because him crying made them upset, but he doesn’t mean to do that, he’s just a baby!

She told me she’s had children like this before and that their parents “left them to cry for a bit” to help them settle, which I’m personally not comfortable with.

He calmed instantly once I picked him up and has been his happy, normal self at home since, eating, playing, cuddling, and now napping with me. I can’t shake the feeling that he wasn’t treated kindly while he was there; he’s lost a lot of confidence and has become clingier and more anxious about separation since starting there. That could obviously be because it was all new, he hasn’t been there much, and hasn’t settled in, but he was a very confident little boy before he started with her, and now he seemed almost anxiously attached to me.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Would you report it to Ofsted or just move on and find something else (or keep him home for now)? I just feel really disheartened and guilty for sending him in the first place, even though I tried to do what I thought was best.

Thank you if you’ve read this far, sorry for the ramble, just feeling quite shocked and confused and hurt

Ignore this trolls.

next time ask for reviews on local fb group before committing.

She is unprofessional at best

Perhaps the recent stories about children being abused or dying at nurseries should be pinned to posts about nurseries? 🙄

Surely there are good and bad examples in every kind of childcare!

Similar happened to us when DS was a baby but was a nursery setting - we made the decision to take him out as he was so upset - we found another and took extra time to settle him in as explained what had happened. This was a much better fit and all was well .

Definitely a blessing in disguise OP ! You sound like a lovely mum

I would consider nursery op.

We had issues with 2 childminders and found nursery so much better, and a lot safer.

Being a childminder is tough. It’s not like being at a nursery and you can call in another member of staff to help you with a difficult child.

A childminder has multiple children to consider and if there is one that is constantly screaming and distressed it is not a nice environment for the other children to be in all day.

This childminder could clearly see that the OPs baby wasn’t going to settle in and wasn’t ready to be in a childcare setting so they made the tough call to end the situation.

Yeah in 20 minutes ?

Well yes that is as unbelievable as it sounds. Please remember you only have the OPs version of events, who is feeling wounded by what's happened.

Of course a cm won't guve notice after 20 mins of crying. There will.be much more to this story of course.

It's still a business - let's not pretend otherwise. And as others have said, there is more than one child to consider.

Would you be happy if your own child was neglected in childcare so that another crying child could be soothed?

The OP said her baby had been for 4/5 sessions. If every session had been continuously filled with tears and a distressed baby which would also being having a knock on effect to the other children in the setting and also stopping the childminder from being able to offer care to the other children yes it is 100% reasonable for the childminder to call it a day.

Did you read my comments regarding his previous sessions? And where I said that she texted to say he was happy playing at 9:20am, then by 10:30am she texted me asking me to pick him up. He was in no way continuously crying every session.

The childminder has notes that all previous sessions the baby was settling very well. So either she was lying before or she really made the decision in 20 minutes. Either is bad.
you need to read all OP posts.

What? Why assume CM was lying?

Nobody is forced into using childcare. It's a deliberate decision that comes with consequences. If someone is very uncomfortable with the idea, then it's very unfair to blame the staff involved.

No we're saying that you're taking the OP's version as gospel rather than using your critical thinking.

It isn’t my version, I quoted exactly what the childminder wrote down on the app.

Well if the CM wasn’t lying, then the baby was settling very well up until the last day. When she first texted that everything is ok and less than 1h is that baby is inconsolable and not ready.

which is bizarre because obviously a baby will be unsettled restarting after illness and it is CM’s JOB to soothe him and settle him.
so then either she’s crap at nurturing kids in her care OR she indeed got a better offer (which is unprofessional)

My critical thinking tells me that childminders are a business and they can be good and bad, and can attract various people including those who don’t necessarily have love of kids and/or necessary skills.
and it’s very possible that she is not very nurturing or not very professional.

strange that you seem to be so hell bent that this CM is wonderful and professional and OP is wrong or is misrepresenting the situation given that you haven’t met either of them.

do you just like to bash posters?

The childminder is not choosing change, fed or help another child because it's more convenient than helping your child, they are doing it because that child NEEDS those things done. If you want your child to have an adult at his beck ad call every second 24/7, you stay home with him or pay for a one-to-one nanny. You are obviously perfectly entitled to do this, but don't send him to a setting without one-to-one can and then imply that the staff are only not being with him one -to-one because they are bad at their job.

Again, you have no idea what you’re talking about and you’re looking for an argument where there isn’t one.

I have lots of idea what I am talking about, and you are right there is no argument. It's obvious that no-one can be there every second your child cries if they have anything else important to do during the time they are looking after your child.

@minnieot please could I ask how this situation panned out and how your little one is doing now?

Of course :) not much of an update though, but I didn’t report to Ofsted or anything and I’ve kept my little one at home with me for now. Going to try him again in nursery when he’s about two, I think.

And you’re friends with this person?!? She sounds horrible and judgemental of children who are literally in a strange environment for the first time! Jesu fucking Christ. Sounds like she’s not trained at all!!!!