Delicate Situation ! My 16 year old daughter's clothes are too tight because of weight gain.

[cherryberrybaby]

Delicate situation: My 16 year old daughter's clothes are too tight because of weight gain.

This is a problem that seems simple but is very complicated. The seemingly obvious thing is to get her new clothes. It's not that simple.

As a middle-aged woman, last year I got angry at my loving husband when he told me I needed new clothes because of my weight gain. It hurt me as a grown woman to hear that from a man I've been married to for over 20 years. Imagine how a teenage girl would feel.

I want to help her but I'm afraid I may make her feel worse.

Just offer to take her shopping for new clothes. There's no need to mention her weight. She can pick clothes that fit. There need be no mention of the size of those clothes.

Seperatelty, do what you can to address the weight gain. Is she conscious of it? Are you eating badly as a family if you're also putting weight on? Does she exercise?

Just offer to take her shopping and treat her. You don’t have to mention her weight if you don’t want to.

I would just your going winter clothes shopping and not mention her weight

Just take her shopping for a treat and to get some new autumn/winter bits.

I feel like an idiot for not thinking of shopping without mentioning the weight gain.

I'm 99 % sure she's conscious of it. My husband is very fit and he eats healthy. Not me. My daughter's eating habits are a mixture of her father and mine.

But even though it's a great idea. She will likely figure out why I am taking her shopping.

Is she actually overweight though?

Anyway, I wouldn't mention it...just get her some new items.

Is she not just still growing, at 16? She’ll need new clothes in any event won’t she? She will
be changing shape still. Is she overweight/ obese?

She's overweight now, which is scary.
As moms, we don't want our daughters to go through the same crap we went through.

She hasn't gotten any taller since she was 14. She will likely guess why I am buying her new clothes.

Please don't judge me too hard, my daughter is overweight now.

If her clothes don’t fit she needs new ones. She must know they don’t fit, it doesn’t have to be a terrible secret. So long as you love and support her you are doing fine.

Im sure no 16 year old girl will turn down the chance to go clothes shopping.

I promise you it's not that simple.

I apologize for not giving enough information because I definitely didn't articulate well enough.

I'm over 99 % sure she will not enjoy buying new clothes.

I think you just need a tactful way into the shopping conversation. Is there any way you can say something like 'you don't seem to have a good winter coat and I've heard this winter might be a sharp one. Shall we go to xxxx (whatever her favourite clothes shop is) and look to see if they've got any good warm coats?'

Once you've got her in the shop, particularly if you find a coat (or any practical item of wear you can think of), then you just have to look for some nice trousers to match and a jumper that will go with it....

She will know she's putting on weight. Buying new clothes might be a way into the conversation, but you need to let her bring it up. Don't mention it AT ALL.

I'll try to see if I can explain. Other than for buying special clothes for special occasions, I haven't had to buy clothes for her since she was 12. Our family has money, my daughter has money from her allowance, and she has never been shy about asking for extra money. She can easily get too clothes herself.

I'm not a mindreader but I have seen this type of behavior on other girls before. I'm 99 % sure that she's too ashamed to buy new clothes.

Were you aware your clothes seemed too tight when your husband remarked on it? Did you notice you'd put on weight and also want to lose some? Seems an odd observation from one adult to another and I can see the potential for it being hurtful.

I know how loaded the whole women/weight thing is, as an adult who has yoyoed between being overweight to obese and back for many years (losing it now though!).

I would have thought that taking your teenage daughter shopping for new clothes needn't raise the same feelings in her if you just suggest a shopping trip rather than pointing out her clothes don't fit well anymore. If you bring out e.g. a size XL and she is upset she needs that bigger size, then perhaps that could spark a conversation about the ways she could lose a bit of weight healthily if that's what she wants to do, so she learns some good coping mechanisms for the future.

Do you think that your issues and experiences with weight (including being judged) are understandably clouding your reaction to this situation with your daughter?

I can choose not to mention it but the implication will be there.

Not saying anything doesn't mean not communicating. Action but no words will still her that I noticed that she gained weight.

I believe the situation not simple, but I don’t see how you can help DD to buy more clothes without her realising that you have noticed her clothes don’t fit her. It simply doesn’t seem possible. But you don’t have to say anything about it.

Just say the season is changing and you think she deserves a new winter wardrobe - look for jeans, cords or other warm weight trousers and a few tops that suit her.

If you have gym membership ask her if she will come with you two or three times a week, to keep you accountable.

I don't think being honest about weight is even a bad thing. I am a bit overweight, happy to discuss it, I know I am overweight and hoe I could rectify it. I think your own issues with your weight are clohding your judgement.
We are all diffefent weights. Very few people are perfect weight and size, is there even perfection?
I think its healthy to be able to speak about weight gain.its not a bad thing, or shpuldnt be shameful. Its just you ate too much and didnt excercise, therefore you are overweight. Buy a bigger size clothes and be happy or get slimmer, up to the person.
Wearing clothes obviously too small is not the answer. You don't have to be all precious about it, just say do you think you might need a bigger size now, let's go shopping as I can get you some new stuff if you like.

Is she gaining just normal weight as she is growing or is she getting overweight?

Im 35 and have spent most of my life dieting and struggling with my weight because I was brought up on bad eating habits, large portions of the wrong foods, sweets, cakes, fizzy whenever we wanted. I came from a family of overweight people with no knowledge of health & fitness, i didnt even know how to cook when i left home so lived off pasta bakes 🫠. Most of my family have diabetes, there have been heart attacks, strokes and other weight related illness and I'm really hoping I can bring my DS (4) up to live an active healthy balanced lifestyle because your health is so important as you get older

If I was in your situation I would use this as an opportunity to say to DD "I want to try and start living a healthier lifestyle so I can be more healthy and active in the future, I'd love it if you could join me so we can support eachother, walk together, cook together etc"

She will likely be looking to move out in the next few years so you could use this as a good start to set her up and teach her how to make healthy meals and fit simple exercise into her daily life, go for walks together, maybe find a ladies workout class you'd both find fun. You never know she may be well aware of her weight and want to change but not know how to bring it up with you incase you just do what most mums would and say "your beautiful no matter your size"

I think you need to give more context rather than just repeatedly saying it’s not that simple. Why do you feel like she’d not enjoy buying new clothes? How much weight gain are we talking? If it’s just that her clothes are wearable but look like she could do with sizing up then she possibly hasn’t even noticed and you can wait until she asks for new stuff/get her a load for Xmas, but if it’s enough that she now doesn’t have anything to wear then she almost certainly has noticed and will be keen to get new stuff? You don’t have to mention the weight, just say you want to treat her because work gave you a bit extra this month or something.

So buy the next size up .it's not difficult

I knew well before my husband mentioned it for me.

For my daughter, it's like looking at myself. I noticed her intentionally sucking in her tummy. I noticed her walking and standing in a way to appear less heavy.

Me being a woman with weight problems and growing up with other women with weight problems, there are sometimes some common behavior that is noticeable.