Delicate Situation ! My 16 year old daughter's clothes are too tight because of weight gain.

[cherryberrybaby]

Delicate situation: My 16 year old daughter's clothes are too tight because of weight gain.

This is a problem that seems simple but is very complicated. The seemingly obvious thing is to get her new clothes. It's not that simple.

As a middle-aged woman, last year I got angry at my loving husband when he told me I needed new clothes because of my weight gain. It hurt me as a grown woman to hear that from a man I've been married to for over 20 years. Imagine how a teenage girl would feel.

I want to help her but I'm afraid I may make her feel worse.

You're overthinking it because of the own hurt at you're dh's comments. This doesn't mean you can never offer to take your DD shopping ever again!

People go shopping for new clothes all the time for reasons such as a new season, changes in taste, fashion changes and clothes wearing out.

Delicate situation! Very complicated! Imagine!

You really don't need to be so dramatic about it. I'm sure that won't help the situation. Sorry - the delicate situation.

I'm sure your daughter is aware that she's put on weight if her clothes are tight.

If you agree it seems likely or even possible she is pregnant then you must address this immediately. Like, literally, today! She will be months gone to be showing.

If she isn't, you can then look to address weight gain through all the advise given here already.

its clear that you are aware you are overweight and and it’s a big issue for your confidence and you can now see the same thing playing out with your daughter and instead of working on how to make changes so you’re all eating healthier as a family and making real changes which will also help your daughter have a healthy relationship with food and her body, you’re fixated on how to avoid upsetting her while keeping her in the state of continuing to gain weight, be unhappy with herself and trying to suck her belly in etc.

I think your husband telling you about your clothes was a good thing unless he was mean about it. if as you said it was obvious that you were getting too big for your clothes yet you refused to get bigger clothes due to denial, he thought speaking with you would help especially because other people would notice.

And now you’re repeating the same thing with your daughter, you can see she is too big for her clothes but no one wants to say anything or dk anything about it.

Therapy may also be helpful for nothing you to work on your relationship with food and your bodies so you can empower yourselves to make changes. Goodluck.

Op the main thing you need to do is sort your own diet out so she is not putting on even more weight.

I would start by telling you, gently, to stop projecting your own issues with your weight onto her. Just because your feelings were hurt by your husband's comment doesn't mean hers will be - teens these days seem to be a lot more body positive and relaxed about appearance than I ever remember being when I was 16 and the goal was to be able to hang your low rise jeans off your prominent boney hips and anorexia was a goal not an illness.

Then just be casual about it."Time for a wardrobe refresh I think" and take her shopping for some new clothes. You don't need to mention her weight, but if you do just do it without fanfare "oh I just noticed you've gone up half a size and want you to be comfy".

Then start modeling healthier eating habits for her. You say her eating is a mix of yours and your husbands, so you make some changes too and encourage her to join you, keeping the conversation about health and wellbeing and positivity.

Weight fluctuations are a normal part of life for a lot of people for a variety of reasons, and are only taboo if you make them so. You can set her up here to be able to deal with them in a healthy way instead of giving her a complex. Break the cycle!

I think parents of OW children sometimes need to choose their hard.
Because it's hard to risk upsetting your child by mentioning they are gaining weight and offering to help them get clothes that fit/lose weight. But it's even harder to watch them upset because they're taunted/not be able to fully participate in activities/grow up to be women who keep gaining until they are obese/grow up to be slim women with ED because they're terrified of getting fat again after a miserable childhood and adolescence.
There is no risk free easy approach to a weight issue, but on balance a gentle positive intervention may hurt less in the long term.

That’s a nice sentiment but unfortunately the only way for this to happen is for you to make the tough decision tk start making changes if only to break the generational chain.

I saw your post that it may be a disease, maybe but you also admit that you eat very poorly females to your husband who is fit so maybe that’s a start, eating the same meals together and using your husband as a guide.

Also I mentioned therapy earlier, the fact you can’t speak about your weight without stressing suggests therapy may help to unlock the root cause, understand your relationship with food and how to manage it better, and how to help your daughter.

Saying you don’t want her to go through what you did without doing anything about it will not do much especially as you continue to model bad eating habits to her and dancing around her growing weight and her insecurities.

In summary, make wholesale changes to how you eat as a family, start being more active as a family, get therapy to help work through both your relations with food and weight insecurities and develop healthier habits, attitudes and mental strength.

Again doing nothing while wishing she will lose weight and not go through what you did wouldn’t achieve anything without action and unfortunately she will go through the same thing as it has already started and then her daughter will repeat and repeat and peeper until someone decides to make a change. I think that change can start with you.

The food changes don’t have to be drastic, start slowly by increasing vegetables and proteins and cutting carbs, start cutting sugars and sweet snacks etc.

Thank you

When the 1st people commented saying to carry her out on a shopping spree and don't mention her weight. It seemed like a brilliant idea to me at first but then I was thinking that my daughter would have figured out why I was taking her shopping.

I have considered the possibility that she maybe pregnant. I have seen things that make me think she wasn't pregnant. But the comments suggesting she might be pregnant freaked me out. I wasn't sure I could wait until the weekend to talk to her.

Both my daughters are home today with a head cold so I had the opportunity to talk to my older daughter. Of course, I told her that I love her and that I'm here for her. I told her that I'm very proud of her. I told her that I noticed that her clothes are getting very tight. I told her that I'm not upset with her and I'm concerned about how she feels.

It was heartbreaking how much I related to what she said. How she feels ugly and ashamed that she gained so much weight. How she knew that people noticed but she was trying to deny it to herself. I listened to her.

I still had to know, so I asked if there is a possibility that she's pregnant. She said no because she's still a virgin.

I told her that I related to the things she was saying and how I have felt similar ways. We talked about our insecurities as if we were friends. She was more mature than I was at her age. I feel like that was a good 1st step.

Good result @cherryberrybaby . You've started talking now.

Thank you. I've been too much of a passive parent in recent months. That needs to change.

This is wonderful both of you I’m sure have had a hart to hart conversation, May you continue to talk over everything ❤️

It’s sounds like you have approached it very well and it has been received well.

now you can talk to her about getting some new things that she can feel better about herself in. At 16 she won’t want to be wearing clothes she wore at 14.

even without gaining weight she would unlikely be able to let alone want to wear the clothes she wore at 14.

buy online if are doesn’t want go out shopping. Buy 2 sizes so you know something will fit.

what is this disease you all suffer from that causes weight gain and is there a long term treatment?

@cherryberrybaby lovely update. This is a first step: talk about it and take away any shame she might feel. Now you can work as a team to be healthy both of you.

Thank you

Unhealthy eating plays a factor but there might be bad genes or a disease at play.

My mom's side of the family, all the women are at least 200 pounds by their mid 20s.

Nice job, OP. 🙂 I get that these things are difficult; my seven-year-old daughter needs to lose some weight, medically speaking, and it’s hard to talk to kids about that without making them feel bad about their bodies. I feel like there’s so much societal emphasis on stopping young girls from wrongly thinking they’re fat that there’s not a lot of guidance on what to say when your daughter really does need to lose weight.

This is great and better than pretending the issue doesn’t exist. I think this also opens the door for you to talk to her about changes you can BOTH make together and work on together. By doing it together you lead by example and you also support each other and hold each other accountable and I’m sure your husband will be willing to join and make it a family affair which will bring you all together and be more fun.

As I said in my last post I think you can be the start of the change and I am rooting for you and your daughter.

i am really glad you were able to discuss with her rather than tiptoeing and avoiding the topic which doesn’t help.

Goodluck and as I said start with small changes and then build up. And you will slowly start to notice changes in your body and your confidence and mental health.

Bad genes or disease may play a part but unhealthy eating definitely makes it worse so focus on what you can control.

By focusing only on bad genes it gives you a ready made excuse to do nothing which means nothing will change.

and if genes are to play then maybe see a doctor, nutritionist etc to see if they can figure out what the root cause is and what you can do to reduce the impact of the genes if that’s really an issue. But irrespective of genes me but you still need to make changes to your eating habits for both you and your daughters sake.

My dad's side of the family had the weight issue gene. I've 12 cousins so it's quite obvious. It's not every cousin. My GP said insulin resistant PCOS which starts at puberty.

Unfortunately you will just have to have a chat with her. Hiding and denying the fact she’s over weight isn’t going to help. She’s 16 not 8 so she will probably be upset but it will be worth while if she gets her health in check

Ah good on you for speaking to her and in a kind and empathetic way OP. She responded really well. I actually got a bit tearful reading about your conversation with her (in a good way). I bet she feels better having been able to be honest about how she’s feeling.

I really think it’s worth seeing if she may have underactive thyroid or PCOS, this applies to you too. Thyroid can be medicated and PCOS responds really well to cutting out high GI carbs (eg sugar, bread, mash). And she might feel better about her weight if it turns out there is a medical reason? Plus there are other health effects of these conditions so worth checking out for other reasons.

I have this too and it started at 15 with weight gain, extreme hunger and sugar cravings, and excessive hair growth. A doctor can diagnose with blood tests and an ultrasound. I manage it with diet (very low carb and low sugar) and have tried medication in the past.

Oh my gosh !

That sounds like me, even the excessive hair growth.

Have you ever been tested? They test LH, FSH and testosterone, and scan your ovaries to check for cysts. You may be prescribed spironolactone or metformin to help. High protein, low carb, low sugar - sugar is like poison for PCOS.

It starts after puberty usually in the mid teen years. It can also be linked with thyroid deficiency. I would definitely explore for both of you - but in the meantime I would really focus on that diet.