Lady yelled at my son, I feel like the worst mom in the world

[YourBoldCoralDog]

Hi everyone.

As background, my dad has been in the hospital for a month. He’s improving but slowly, and I go every day since my mom isn’t up to being able to follow what the doctors are saying. On Friday he was having a hard day, and my son (5) came with me because he was off school. My husband’s job has also been doing layoffs recently and there was going to be another round that day.

We left the hospital at 1pm - both of us were hungry and my son was restless. We went to a place right by the hospital since the hospital cafeteria area was very busy. Soon after we sat down, my husband called with the news he’s not being laid off but his hours are being cut and was trying to explain it to me. As I was talking to him, but son was up from his chair and playing around the table. By the time I got off the phone, he was running around.

I know this was a total mom fail, and I should’ve intercepted him sooner. But by the time I got up to do so, he’d tripped and knocked a woman’s pasta into her lap. She was probably 25ish, alone and having a glass of wine with lunch while she was reading. My son started crying immediately, and she exploded at him - her immediate reaction to it was to say “what the fuck”. When he started to cry she told him to get away from her and to go sit down like he should have been in the first place; he just stood there frozen and she said he was a brat who was acting like an animal. I rushed over and said I was so sorry but I didn’t appreciate her cussing at and insulting my son, and she said she didn’t appreciate having her lunch dumped in her lap because I’m “too lazy to watch my kid”, and she said something like she wouldn’t have had to say a word to him if I was doing my job.

I was starting to quietly cry too and the manager came up and said she was having our food packed and ushered me away. The staff was quite cold to me as I was paying for my takeaway, and I could see they were apologizing to the lady. I keep having flashbacks to this and feel ashamed at how my son acted, but also about how he saw I didn’t stand up for him in the moment as someone insulted him. Just having a rough time and feeling like a bad mom.

Flashbacks?! Hardly Vietnam is it!

Quite honestly all of this story shows me that people are becoming more and more self absorbed and dont take responsibility for what happens. Always someone else's fault.

No one is saying that their children never misbehave - but you cannot (insert very important reason FOR you!) why its not your fault.

it also looks like you didnt offer to get her lunch replaced. Shame on you. it was the least you could do.

A few years ago my son had a job as a waiter. He said his biggest fear was tipping hot meals or drinks over some child who was running around with the parents just smiling adoringly until of course something didnt happen.

Quite honestly all of this story shows me that people are becoming more and more self absorbed and dont take responsibility for what happens. Always someone else's fault.

I wonder also if this is connected to being glued to phones?

Yes! People are reading shite on their phone, ignoring the kids who I am seeing more and more having their own tablets or phones.

I dont think the OP offered to pay or replace anything.

The other woman has lost her lunch and had her clothes and day ruined. What did OP do to make it up to her? Nothing.

Well she could have got splashed on does she expect drivers to pay for her washing? Or maybe the mud to apologise? Maybe next time she should focus on keeping her food safe.

also the takeaway owners being rude to you. They might have not wanted to offer a replacement meal for the lady.

Taking calls in restaurants and cafes is rude. So is ignoring your child. Your manners were way worse than the poor woman’s who bore the brunt of your crap parenting.

I hope you paid for her replacement meal and dry cleaning. She may have had to go and buy a new outfit to see her through the day or had to cancel her plans to go home and change. You seem unable to empathise with the shit show you and your son created.

Sorry Op this is just bad parenting, I get that ds probably didn't mean to do it.. I have a hyper 5 year old ds myself who is hard to control (undergoing adhd/autism diagnosis) but I still make sure he isn't running amock in public. If the call was that important you should have given him something to do while he was waiting for you, even if it means going on an ipad for a few minutes.

Your child is 5 years old and runs amok to the extent he knocks food into the lap of other diners at restaurants? I understand kids can act out but this really isn’t acceptable and you need to work with him on appropriate public behaviour.

Hang on - that's not fair. OP has had sympathy and understanding from several posters.

taking a phone call doesn’t stop your eyes working OP. Control your child in future and take responsibility for the consequences of your and his actions.

Really can't stand parents whose kids cause damage to other peoples property... then have a go at the othefr person as you did. You should have paid for the meal and the cleaning bill.

I really feel for you OP - shitty day made much worse by a bad parenting moment which is now haunting you.

First of all, a bad parenting moment doesn't make you a bad parent. No one incident is definitive of your entire role. You can be a really good mum who just messes up sometimes, because no human is always doing their absolute best.

Secondly, I don't think the other woman's reaction was justified. The swearing was likely shock and is to be expected, and I would expect and consider some level of anger, but calling your child a brat and an animal wasn't acceptable. I would never ever speak to a child in those terms no matter how naughty they had been; it's fundamentally cruel. So while I have empathy for her having a horrible experience which she was justifiably upset about, I also have empathy for you in the moment feeling like you needed to defend your son.

Finally in terms of moving forward from this, let the experience go as a bad moment you can learn from. If your son won't still still in a cafe then you need to recognise that you have to be present and focused when you're out with him. I completely understand that feeling of needing to deal with distractions as soon as they arise, but next time try to take a deep breath and remember that almost any phone call can wait, even if the content is important, when the alternative is that your child will be unsupervised and potentially getting into danger.

None of those you list are easily preventable; a child running around a restaurant is easily preventable, so no comparison.

Is that what you do when you go for a meal, huddle protectively around your food?

Is that what you do when you go for a meal, huddle protectively around your food?

You seem to be ruminating on something that you really need to let go. Shit happens. We all get caught out being that ‘bad parent’ at times for reasons that are often unforeseen. I would have expected to have my meal and wine paid for and my clothes cleaned, but that’s all, then move on and learn from it. It’s nothing-nobody died.

Come off it- sometimes in life you’re on autopilot and you take a call wherever you are. OP had just come back from a hospital visit and took a call as she thought her husband might have lost his job.

She had a bad day and behaved accordingly, which caused the lady in the restaurant to have a bad day and behave accordingly. It happens and it’s understandable because we’re imperfect humans.

It was a bad day op, no point beating yourself up over it.

hope things turn around for you soon

Your subject line shows your take away from this experience..."Lady yelled at my son." Not, "My son ran wild and ruined a woman's lunch and pants."

You also stress that your lingering emotion is that your son didn't see you stand up to this woman on his behalf.

You really are a terrible parent, not just for your behavior in the restaurant but how you have handled it since.

Your son is 5, not 2, and he should be able to behave appropriately in a restaurant--if not, then you as a parent shouldn't take him to one.. He must have practically flung his arms onto this poor woman's table and pushed the food into her lap for this to have happened.

You have a LOT of nerve to tell an innocent woman (who had been siting and eating a hot bowl of pasta which was now resting in her lap, ruining her clothes and her afternoon plans, as she now had to problem-solve a change of pants, all because your son was out of control while you were checked out) that you didn't appreciate her insulting your son.

All this woman did was react to your son's behavior, which directly impacted her day.

You should have been tripping over yourself with apologies, offers to pay, offers to pay for cleaning, and offers to pay for a new pair of pants.

I'm sure you are the type of mother who coddled your son the moment you were outside about the mean lady who yelled at him instead of scolding him for behaving as he did, thus earning the consequence he did.

You really are raising a brat.

I'm 99% positive this post is rage bait now but what's more concerning is some of the replies. Saying you should "guard" your food, fucking come on 😂 It was on the table, exactly where it should be.

This. Whether this is real or not it does show why there are so many people who are “intolerant” of kids. We’re just sick and tired of feral behaviour. I would have sworn too and I definitely would have called a brat a brat.

Stop punishing yourself, you fell bad about and it’s done now. Seriously leave it in the past. Nobody has died

Exactly - I don't hate kids. I hate parents who let them run around and scream and trash shops. I'm absolutely sick of it. It's become intolerable since the lockdown - my local shopping centre is more like a playground.