3rd baby - overwhelmed!

[worriedaboutrash]

Hi all, posting for advice for other mums who’ve survived the trenches of a 3rd newborn! Sorry for the length! We welcomed gorgeous, placid, gentle baby number 3 four weeks ago. For context, 2 other children are 6 and 4.

But help!! Baby is mostly awake 10pm-3am, then 5-7am so I am averaging 2/3 hours sleep a night and exhausted. Baby is BF through night, but also is congested, so there’s been a few projectile vomits that needed changed, or just posetting that’s required a few babygrow changes during night which wakes baby up and the cycle starts again.

DH does what he can during night to help. He then gets the other 2 up for school at 7, does breakfast, uniform and does the school run at 8.30am. Regardless of sleep, I get up at 8am to give them a cuddle, do their hair, and wave them goodbye (they would be so upset if I slept on and they didn’t get to see me in morning).

I quickly grab a shower when they leave (assuming baby sleeping), then it’s change and feed baby for first school pick up at 11.30. Home, get both fed and changed, another BF before leaving, and out for second school pickup at 2pm.

2-5pm - afternoon/evening is relentless then. Snack older two, feeding and changing baby, attempt to supervise homework/listen to reading. The 2 older ones want me so much - to play, help with whatever they’re doing, etc - and I just can’t give them enough time as baby is crying or I’m dashing out to washing machine to keep on top of laundry. Once DH home at 5pm he cooks dinner, I do their baths etc and then bedtime. Older two used to start bedtime routine at 7pm - read stories, foot massage etc, and gently asleep at 7.30. Now they have to wait on baby to be fed and it’s a rush up the stairs at 8pm/8.30 some nights. They are so tired from losing sleep but we just can’t seem to manage the 7pm bedtime anymore. They are watching alot more CBeebies than I would like too.

Once everyone is asleep, it’s a quick dash downstairs to have a cup of tea, fold laundry, etc and then I head upstairs about 9pm where the nighttime cycle starts again!

Sorry for how long this is…my question is…how do I survive this exhaustion? I am getting no housework done at all which is getting me down, apart from putting on washes. DH is trying his best. I feel total guilt for the older two who seem sad at the new arrival as they can’t have my attention.

Next week DH has to go back to his earlier work pattern meaning I have to take over the morning school run. I don’t see how I will ever manage to get them all out the door by 8.30am given it’s taking me and baby until 10.30am to get showered and ready now. I’m already sleep deprived and the thought of losing that hour’s sleep between 7-8am makes me cry!

Family have offered to do school pick-ups which we tried a few times but children were sad that mummy wasn’t there and this change to routine unsettled them further. I still have things in my hospital bag that are unpacked as I just can’t get time to go up and sort it out. New baby presents are piling in and I can’t get time to sort them out or sort returns for bigger sizes.

I can’t even get out the door for a coffee with baby as the day is just relentless with getting ready, 2 school runs and the evening routine. I drove past some people walking their dog yesterday and cried in the car for how relaxed their day looked!

One of mine mixed up day and night. Try to be noisy and bright in the day and dark and calm at night. What is sleep like in the day, ie nap times and quantities? It can be such a balancing act but generally/supposedly sleep feeds sleep...

Hi, my DC3 just turned 1, completely feel you! My older 2 are now 7 and 4.

Feel free to ignore my views but...

Personally if someone was offering to collect my older ones from school and nursery I would definitely accept! Your kids will get used to it. There is a lot of change for them but they will adjust and they'd benefit from you having that extra time to do whatever you need (nap or housework, whatever) and you just feeling less stressed.

You don't mention your DH helping at night? I know you're breastfeeding but there's no reason why he can't do nappy changes, winding, cuddling baby back to sleep after feeds etc. I wouldnt have coped without support with this from my DH.

Could you nap sometimes when kids are at school, or on the weekends? Try to go to bed very early too.

It sounds like you always put the older ones to bed too. My DH mostly did the older ones bed times when the baby was very small because I was often feeding them or if they were asleep I'd often nap.

Does the child that seems to finish their school very early could they go to wraparound of some sort even just a couple of days a week so you only have one pick up to do?

My house is still awful I'm afraid and it's the thing that really gets me down the most. We've totally lost control of the housework, only the bare minimum essentials ever get done so a year later our room looks like something from Stacey Solomon's show. It's awful and I hate it. If we could afford a cleaner we'd have one but we can't.

Our baby hardly naps, still shares our bedroom and is up constantly at night screaming so it's relentless and we are exhausted . We often don't even have evenings anymore as it's taking it in turns just up and down up and down with the baby 7-9 then I go to bed.

Can you start bedside routine after school? For example feed them dinner, get the nutrients in when they are super hungry and before the tiredness really kicks in. Then a bath, even if you have to drag a chair into the bathroom to breastfeed your baby. Then they can watch some tv, some quiet play etc. A snack if still hungry, then story, clean teeth and sleep.

The 2 older ones want me so much - to play, help with whatever they’re doing, etc - and I just can’t give them enough time as baby is crying or I’m dashing out to washing machine to keep on top of laundry.

• Why do you need to do laundry/chores here? Can’t DH do it at some point in the evening? If you fill their cups for these few hours post school everyone will be happier. Can you take them to park with baby in sling so less likely to cry?

Once DH home at 5pm he cooks dinner, I do their baths etc and then bedtime.

• Why do you have to do bedtime? If you’ve just spent 3 quality hours with them 2-5pm then dad should be able to do bedtime at 7pm prompt and you can focus on feeding baby?

They are watching alot more CBeebies than I would like too.
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• Needs must!! Do you have a Yoto?

Also how long is DH spending cooking dinner? Can he batch cook at weekends to fill freezer and/or put dinner in slow cooker before work. Then that time is freed for him to do chores.