Can I force my toddler to get dressed/get out of the bath?

[Milliemoons]

My 3 year old refused to get out of the bath today. I told her a firm “would you like to get out of the bath or would you like mummy to help you?”. Then a count down. Then she refused so I started helping her and she exploded into a wet, splashy, flailing tantrum. Saying she wanted to do it. But did she? No. Carried on playing. So I started again with asking if she wanted to do it or wanted help. Cycle repeated about 10 times before I had enough of her running the show. I calmly got her writhing body out of the bath and “forced” her clothes on. I then brushed her teeth. She was obviously hysterical by this point.

How could I have handled this better? I didn’t get angry, didn’t shout, but it didn’t feel right “manhandling” her. But at the same time time when she said she would do it herself she clearly saw that as an opportunity to just not do as asked. And it really did feel like she was just giving me the run around. In general I allow her to make choices for herself but some things, like getting dressed and doing your teeth and non-negotiable.

Any advice welcome.

Take the plug out so the water drains

I second taking the plug out!

"Come on, out of the bath or I'm lifting you out".

And then do exactly that.

Or as PP says, just pull the plug out.

I came to say I just let the water out in this situation

Pull the plug out. She will soon get out when she runs out of water

When my two Yr old doesn't want to I take the plug out saying time to give the plug monster your gravy 😅 as he thinks that's hilarious, and distracts him from wanting a bath to watching the water go down and then he wants his warm towel on. However I've had to physically take him from other situations before and it isn't nice but it can be necessary, not everything can be a story or a countdown etc if they're not minded to follow.

It’s much easier to get ‘bored’ with toddler behaviour than angry. I would have pulled the plug out and told her to let me know when she was ready to get out. Then started being busy, cleaning or folding laundry or something, and completely ignored her.

Either take the plug out or leave the water to get cold.

A cold shower is often very motivating.

Yup plug out i told my dd that she would get sucked down the plughole if she didn't get out

Same as everyone else, plug out and wait for her to get cold.

My dd was a nightmare for things like this, refusing to put shoes on, clothes on etc. Take the battle away and just say ok.

Dd would look at me like I was mad when I would walk out the front door with clothes / hat / coat / shoes etc (which ever thing she was refusing that day) she'd soon realise that walking down our stoney drive without shoes or walking in the pissing rain without a coat wasn't much fun.

10 times is too many asks.

Ask once.

Plug out, lights out, walk away. Someone on here taught me the lights out trick years ago and it works brilliantly.

My approach exactly. Be unbothered OP. But sometimes, yes you do have to just manhandle some stubborn tots. I do the unbothered thing and it diffuses everything. But I genuinely don’t care if he wants to stubbornly sit in an empty bath getting cold and he knows that, so he just gets out when I say times up. It also helps to negotiate nonsense extras with them so they think they’re getting a little win. My son loves a little “5 more minutes” at whatever it is, and we agree that after 5 minutes he definitely has to get out. Then I leave him for another 10.

Quite. Teachers are taught to "ask, ask, tell", i.e. you ask nicely twice but after that you just tell them and make sure it happens (i.e. if she won’t respond to your options even if you make a game of it, lift her out or let the water out).

OP, don't worry about what you did. Obviously it’s not something you’d want to keep doing, but children need to learn they can’t always call the shots. I know it might not be fashionable, but sometimes they just need to do as they’re told.

Just let the water out. She won't stay there long once she gets cold.

"I'm going to take the plug out now and you can stay in till the water is gone, then it's time to get out" worked for mine.

Don’t offer a choice where none exists. Tell her she’s getting out, don’t frame it as a question because it isn’t one, and then take her out if she doesn’t get out when you say.

kids bath time was my evening opportunity to tidy.
leave her in there, enjoy the quiet.
the longer the better 30-60 minutes minimum.

Most people wouldn’t be happy leaving a young child alone in a full bath.

She knows your words mean nothing because you went through the cycle of asking repeatedly.

You have to get a backbone and take action not just keep repeating yourself.

“It’s time to get out of the bath now, would you like to get out yourself or shall mummy help you?”

If there’s no answer you simply pull the plug out and then she either gets out or you pick her out.

Dont be afraid to parent your child. Stop tip toeing around her.

Count to three and take the plug out. They will soon get out when they get cold.

I did pull the plug out! She was literally sat in an empty bath playing with her toys.

I wouldn't have given her 10 times, 1 chance after she said she would do it, then if not I lift them out

Oh ive had this. I'm very much the 'ask ask tell' altho im not a teacher!

Would you like to get out by yourself, or me lift you out? -cue me being ignored. .... then, repeat. Assuming no answer again, I just lift her out. She will have a tantrum, but I stayed calm and say that I gave her the choice but she didn't answer so I chose.

Asking 10 times will only ever lead them not listening.

Also, someone told me young children can only process so many words at a time, so instead of too many 'extra' words to ask nicely, ill ask 'nicely' once and then its 'you, or mummy?'

Same with shoes on - can you put your shoes on please -> shoes on please -> shoes!