Can I force my toddler to get dressed/get out of the bath?

[Milliemoons]

My 3 year old refused to get out of the bath today. I told her a firm “would you like to get out of the bath or would you like mummy to help you?”. Then a count down. Then she refused so I started helping her and she exploded into a wet, splashy, flailing tantrum. Saying she wanted to do it. But did she? No. Carried on playing. So I started again with asking if she wanted to do it or wanted help. Cycle repeated about 10 times before I had enough of her running the show. I calmly got her writhing body out of the bath and “forced” her clothes on. I then brushed her teeth. She was obviously hysterical by this point.

How could I have handled this better? I didn’t get angry, didn’t shout, but it didn’t feel right “manhandling” her. But at the same time time when she said she would do it herself she clearly saw that as an opportunity to just not do as asked. And it really did feel like she was just giving me the run around. In general I allow her to make choices for herself but some things, like getting dressed and doing your teeth and non-negotiable.

Any advice welcome.

Make a joke of turning the cold tap on , it’s surprising how fast they climb out of the bath!

I remember this. Wouldn’t get in then wouldn’t get out.

Take the toys out too.
Plus anything else she can reach. Flannels, sponge, shower gel... everything.

At three, we used to turn it into a cheeky game. “I’m going to get your towel, don’t you dare touch that plug…”

She’d pull it out every time

another life saver at that age was using your hand as a duck, and the naughty duck does everything. The crazier the better. Duck trying to get her dressed all wrong, puts towel on mummy’s head etc. it made her laugh and hit her onside. I’d say things like “duck, don’t you dare put those socks on my daughter” and the duck would put them on and I’d tell him off.

My MIL couldn't get her grandaughter/ my niece out of the bath for 2.5 hours. She was chewed to bits after asking her to get out 3000 times (she was about 7).

We arrived, I pulled the plug out and put the cold tap on, she got straight out, simples!

She thought it was terrible that I would make her cold, I thought it was beyond pathetic to be in that situation for 2.5 hours. She had even been topping it up with warm water to keep her warm!

Don’t ask her, don’t give her the option. A three year old responds better to a firm, this is what’s happening and it’s happening now.

Don't ask, tell.

Or just take her out from the get-go.

All this time wasted by parents who can’t bring themselves to tell their children to do what needs to be done, wrapping up everything as a choice or a decision and no doubt confusing the crap out of their kids.

If there’s only one acceptable answer to a question, it’s not a question so don’t present it as one.

If she won't get out even after the water has gone then just grab her and get her out whether she likes it or not. Ignore any protests or tantrums.

You are the parent. She does as you say and it isn't up for discussion. You run the show, she doesn't. End of story.

Of course you can manhandle a recalcitrant toddler when needed. I did and mine are still around, in their twenties now. In fact, I usually got them out from the get go without any asking at all. I just did it and they knew better than to argue.

I used some 1,2,3 magic with some expectation.

Tell her what is happening, lay out your expectations, give a countdown, explain what happens at the end, always follow through.

"You have 5 more minutes, then it's time to get out of the bath and get dressed."

"In one minute we're going to get out and get dressed."

"Times up, let get out and get dressed"

If she doesn't get out, you say. "I'm going to count to 3, and if you're not out of the bath, i will lift you out myself" Follow through.

"Would you like to get out by yourself, or me lift you out?"

With this one i would rephrase it as.

"You can either climb out now, or i will lift you out" its not a choice, its an ultimatum, but one that allows them the chance to do it themselves.

Dangerous when in a bath

FFS. Just take her out!!!

Make life easy for yourself, and for society. You're the adult, you decide when bathtime is over. Why on earth are you asking a small child if they'd "like" to stop playing and get out of the bath?

you gave her more than enough chances to do it herself, if she wouldn’t do it then why shouldn’t you force her? She is a child. You didn’t shout at her or anything, I don’t think you could have done much better (apart from give her a few less chances)

Yep, count to 3 and then physically haul them out (gently, not angrily). I firmly believe they do better with firm boundaries, children LIKE knowing that a grownup is in control of the world, it's scary to them when they get to rule the roost as they know they're just tiny fuckwits and surely someone else should be running things :)

I would have just lifted her out.

She’s 3 and probably really tired after a busy day and is going to have a melt down whatever happens. So at that point I’ve had lifted her out, into a towel and carried her into her bedroom explaining that she would get very cold in an empty bath. I’d then have tried to distract her with reminding her about story time/milk whatever happens just before bed.

A friend gave me a tip once. She said with a toddler you never focus on the activity that is ending. Always focus on the great thing you are transitioning to. So never say it is time to leave the park, instead its time to race to the car and then we can have a snack!

It doesnt always work, but an enthusiastic tone will work surprisingly often...

Yep sorry OP, too much asking! You are in charge, and that's absolutely fine and how it should be. If someone asked you if you wanted to do something 10 times and you said no, but then they made you - you'd be pretty cross too. If they say "this is happening" you might not like it, but you won't be confused and frustrated.

Give a 3 minute warning then "Time to get out. Am I lifting you or are you getting out on your own?" Any faffing about and you can say "ok I'll lift you if it you can't decide." Done.

there is no need to FFS at me, thanks.

I have autistic kids so 'just take her out' was NEVER an option. The 5 minute countdown with setting expectation helps them move from one activity to the other.

The 'i'm going to count to 3' is done quickly, to allow them one more chance to follow through to avoid tantrum/meltdown, while also making it clear that you will "Just take her out" if they don't do what you've asked.

Jesus, asking that many times is ridiculous. With my almost 3 year old who would happily sit there even after the water was drained I ask once and then just lift him out. He can flail about all he likes, I'm not going to sit there negotiating with him, he's a toddler. Read on here the other day that someones dad used to say " I don't negotiate with terrorists or children". Brilliant I think😁

I wouldn't give her the choice if it was me, I'd just say "5 minutes then we get out the bath", then lift her out. If my daughter said "no I want to do it myself" I would let her but if she used that line to carry on playing in the bath I would then just lift her out and let any tantrums play out.

With getting dress I've never liked forcing because it feels too violent forcing their limbs into clothes, they usually end up upset and can just take them off again!

With clothes I sometimes use distraction by asking them a fun question about their day whilst I get them dressed but recently since my 3 year old is capable of getting dressed herself I just add getting into pj's as part of her bedtime routine and set a visual timer of 30mins and once she's dressed, teeth brushed, been for a wee, she can have the rest of the time for stories. If she runs out of time because she's faffing, it's no stories! First couple of times i did this she faffed but soon got the message that getting dressed quickly means more stories.

Useful phrase I found was - “shall Mummy lift you out or are you going to climb out All By Yourself like a Big Girl”. And then be very doubtful as to whether she can.

Put the toys away, and take the plug out.

Why are you giving her 10 chances - she gets 1 max and then the plug gets pulled

i have twins and if i gave them 10 chances it would be bloody anarchy in this house